Around The Track
As usual, we have some news from various chapters. The Lubbock, Texas group (code name: LUNATIC) semi-successfully escorted an important person from Lubbock to Dallas, despite the best efforts of the Mexican National Revolutionary Front. They say semi-successfully because they could only to the outskirts of Dallas before being disabled by the last suicide terrorist attack. Fortunately, the terrorists were wiped out, and help was summoned from Dallas.
And this from Houston:
Dec, 8, 2035 - The Houston Free Oilers today held their bloodiest annual ritual, "The Presidential Power Duel." The duel was created to elect a president for the controversial and sometimes radical Houston-based chapter of the American Autoduel Association. Duellist Jeff Ferris emerged victorious when he accelerated to high speeds to engage the last competitor, Bill Maurer, at close range.
The annual duel has long been a source of controversy and scandal since its inception, and this year was no different. Would-be candidate Draper Kauffman was found slain in the front seat of his red '34 Hammer, which was parked in the pit area. Evidently Kauffman, who was not wearing his body armor, was killed, as he was preparing his vehicle for the election, by a limpet mine under his dashboard. According to Sheriff Grissly, the death appeared to be an assassination. He said, "They done it real clean, professional-like. He (Kauffman) never had a chance." Last year, the election was marked by violent confrontations between two of the Free Oilers' Special Interest Groups (SIGs), the Shoot Straight Slate and the Flaming Oilers.
Ferris, the last survivor, drove into the winner's circle to sign the charter's certificate as president. When asked how he felt, he said, clutching his last VMG round, "You know, it's kind of inspiring. What we just saw here was good, old-fashioned democracy in action!" Jeff said the vehicle, which he calls "Lobster Fire," will be used as the presidential limousine during his term.
Here's the stats on the new president's winning entry:
Lobster Fire: Mid-sized, X-hvy. chassis, Hvy. suspension, 4 solid tires, large power plant, driver only, 2 linked grenade launchers front (4 regular grenades and 6 concussion grenades in each), Vulcan MG in turret, hi-res computer, spoiler. Armor: F30, L30, R30, B30, U10, T24. Accel. 5, HC 3, 5,412 lbs., $19,994.
That's it for this issue. Drive Offensively!