Overheard at the Combat Showcase

by David Ladyman


By any standard, the 2037 New Car Exposition at e National Fair of Texas was a tremendous success. A record number of exhibitors and displays resulted in a record crowd, breaking the 2036 attendance mark by nearly 50,000.

It would be difficult to describe all the features of the Combat Showcase. Rather than repeat all the technical details (which are covered excellently in the commemorative Combat Showcase program guide, available at autoduelling outlets everywhere), here are some of the sights and sounds of the show:

"Have you seen that Vanguard pulling the Majestic out on the track? It's nothing but a rolling cloud of paint and fire! Really silly-looking, but sure hard to hit." . .. "If you've got an extra space or two, component armor is much better than the outside armor it replaces. Plate yourself first, then your plant."... Best new vehicle name: Vlad the Impala.

"Laser-guided variable-fire rocket pods are vicious at any speed" .. . "You sure your Gold Cross is paid up, bud?"... "You can't skip top armor anymore with flame clouds around!" .. . "Hear how many Nightsticks the University of Tulsa ordered?"

Heavy duty trans is a smart buy when acceleration isn't important -- HD with a small plant is 100 lbs. lighter than a large plant, pulls almost as much, and usually costs less; HD with a medium plant is 100 lbs. lighter than a super, pulls more, and costs less, too. HD with a super can pull a 4-ton trailer!"

"That Icepick and Double Broiler are sure a relief from all the rockets!" .. . "Come to think of it, I've never hit a compact doin' SO in a head-on collision with my bumper-triggered heavy rockets, either!" .. . "If you've got $1000, make sure your targeting laser is infra-red"... Best new vehicle line: Atlantic's Man-of-War series.

"Those guys from River City sure did a bang-up job on getting the show together this year!" "I heard Jim Gould did all the work!" "Speed saves, with a spoiler, dam, and heavy duty shocks" .. . "You think they'll allow the Pillbox on the Dixie Duel Circuit?" ... "If the other dude has metal, the best thing to do is ram it!"... "That Montgomery isn't so tough -- I almost got him yesterday, and I was hardly tryin'!" "Almost, huh? And what makes you think he was trying?"

"Whatta you think about those laser-reactive Smoking Jennies on Buchanan's Lone Star Limo? 60 feet of smoke right up the laser beam'll sure screw up any laser-guided rockets, even the infrared ones!" Hey! Check out the twin linked heavy duty bumper triggers over there!" "Watch it, son, that's my wife you're drooling on!"

"Those guys pushing heavy duty shocks haven't told anyone you can't use 'em with active suspension!" . .. "It's only money!" ... "You want to step outside and say that?" ... Best line: "Conquer the curves!"

"Fireproof armor is a better and better buy, even at $15K." "$10K, too, unless you just take a portable extinguisher" .. . "Have you checked out Billy Bob's barbeque sauce? I've never had better!" .. . "Now, if I could only armor my trailer hitch!"

"It doesn't say you can't!" ... "With laser-guided rockets and all the other more accurate firepower, guards and hubs are imperative." "Yeah, especially since so many more dropped weapons are chewing up tires too!"... Best ad: the Prairie Dog.

Congratulations are in order to all who helped make the Combat Showcase the resounding success it was. Well done!

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