Daily Illuminator

May 23, 2011: From The Complaint Department

Pyramid 3-31 Monster Hunters

Dear SJ Games,

As a lifelong monster hunter, I was sanguinely interested in your most recent issue of Pyramid magazine -- clearly denoted on the cover as being designed specifically to appeal to monster hunters.

Unfortunately, the contents of Pyramid #3/31: Monster Hunters were decidedly not what I expected. There were two adventures written by some of the top GURPS talent (best-selling authors David Pulver and Matthew Riggsby) . . . devoted to tracking down and killing the foes of the night?! (One of them even came with four pages of maps to make the whole endeavor easier!) While well-written and exciting, they were not what I had in mind.

Nor, for that matter, were the excellently detailed weapons and cinematic revelations provided by Hans-Christian Anderson (author of GURPS High-Tech). More than 20 new weapons designed to defeat the darkness, with full GURPS stats? My blood runs cold.

You even include an organization designed to gather and send forth murderous "heroes" who -- once again -- have naught on their mind but slaying sinister forces. And I shan't even mention the "Pulp Hunters!" monstrosity, providing extensive conversion notes for using the templates and tools from (the also incorrectly named) GURPS Monster Hunters into a more civilized, cinematic bygone era that had previously been devoid of such dauntless daredevils.

Is this your idea of a sick farce?! As I explained to the doomed soul I attempted to devour in an alleyway last month (whose blood was so foul and inedible he must surely have been an editor), "monster hunters" clearly connotes "hunters who are monsters." Like "skilled hunters" or "nervous hunters." He denied this, and said its obvious intent was "those who hunt monsters" -- like "bargain hunters" or "deer hunters." Preposterous. I swear, by the 23 true letters of English, the man is a fool!

Regardless of how distinguished and enjoyable the contents of this publication were objectively, I cannot forgive the cover's blatant misrepresentation, and would request a correction, a formal apology, and someone who tastes better -- perhaps from your graphics or layout department.

Yours,

-- Vlad T. Impaler
[forwarded, without comment, by Steven Marsh]


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