Jordi Alert

By Steve Jessop (


On Mon, 20 Apr 1998, The blue eyes, the leather, some guys just like leather wrote:

ophanim of Jordi ... parrot ... kobal ... insult.

Shop owner:

" He's not dissonant. He's just resting. Marvellous angels, the Ophanim. Beautiful plumage."


" Plumage don't enter into it, my good man. This Ofanite has fallen. He is an ex-Ophanite. He has passed away. Devoid of grace, he roasts in Hell. If you hadn't nailed him to the perch, he'd be blowing up the daisies. He has sounded his final harmony and joined the choir infernal.

This Ophanite is DEAD!"

Jordi (for 'tis he):

" I never wanted to be a Kyriotate, you know. I wanted to be ... a Malakite! Striding through the forests of the north. The giant sequoia! The larch! The fir! The mighty scot's pine! With my best girl by my side, I'd sing...sing...SING!

[breaks into song]

" I'm a Malakite and I'm OK,
I sleep all night and I work all day."

Celestial Chorus:

" He's a Malakite and he's OK,
He sleeps all night and he works all day."

You all know the rest...

Oh no. That reminds me:

" A pointed stick? Fresh fruit not good enough for you, eh? Well don't blame me if you're walking down an alleyway on a dark night and a Malakite of Eli comes at you with a bunch of loganberries!"

I'd best stop, before someone hits me.


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