Created by the twisted firstname.lastname@example.org (RogueLdr)
I was sort of leary about posting this Archangel to the list-- he's just-slightly-less than serious, after all. but after reading the post on the Demon Prince Of Butts, I feel relatively safe.
Grab a bag of salt, and take a few grains with this...
-Rogue, who fully expects to be burned at the stake for this one
Nana Yaw Ofori (email@example.com) suggests:
"The world is worth 850 billion experience points. I'd kill it, but that would make God mad, and I don't want to kill Him just yet."
"The world is dead. I killed it for the experience points. Don't worry, I bought a new one."
"The World is a Reliquary/663,921,770,531. It's not a Relic yet, give me a minute."
Walter Milliken (Milliken@bbn.com) suggests:
"The world is MINE!"
Contrary to popular belief, Michael was not the most powerful Angel created by God. That honor falls instead to Maximus, Archangel of Munchkins, God's TRUE Chosen One. Formed from the swirling base matter of the Universe itself, Maximus was brought forth by God to be the have-all, end-all Celestial being. Encompassing the strnegth of Michael, the knowledge of Yves, the solidity of David, the speed of Janus, and the pure ineffability of the Lord Himself, Ultimus makes all other Archangels pale in comparison.
Maximus' goal in Heavenly society is to make the other Archangels realize the one way to win the War -- more plusses. Lots more. Plusses are the one true weapon. In fact, unbeknownest even to Yves, God Himself's favorite manifestation is that of a giant, glowing Plus sign. He is also quick to point out that a certain revered religious mortal's religion revolves largely around the symbol of a slightly deformed plus sign.
Maximus has never been defeated in combat. He knows everything that has ever, will ever, and could ever occur. His power enables him to change the Symphony on a grand scale.
God is technically in charge of the Universal Symphony, but only because Ultimas knows that serving Him gives him more plusses than running the place would.
Ultimus is the only Archangel known to actually shift Choirs -- at any given time, he belongs to whichever Choir grants him the most plusses.
Servitors of Ultimus must, at all times and in all situations, use whatever weapon or take whatever action grants them the most plusses.
All Servitors of Ultimus may, at any time, examine the In Nomine Rulebook and choose one of their Choir's attunements, from any Superior. The attunement chosen must grant that Angel the most plusses in the current situation, of he will suffer Dissonance.
Angels with Plus Sight can automatically tell what weapon will give them the most plusses in a given situation. All Servitors of Ultimus must purchae this attunement upon creation.
This attunement allows the Angel to imbue any weapon with a number of plusses equal to the Angel's Celestial forces. The effect lasts a number of rounds equal to the Angel's Celestial forces.
These Angels know inherently if an item or weapon can be used in an alternate way that would provide more plusses.
These Angels may force a six on the check digit of any roll, at the cost of one Essence.
Any weapon wielded or skill utilized by a Master Of Plusses automatically gains one plus more than the most powerful weapon/skill equilavent of his opponents.
For some reason, jealousy perhaps, all other Celestials (including Archangels) refuse to acknowledge Ultimus' existence. For his part, the Archangel of Munchkins deems all of creation inferior to himself and concentrates solely on giving Heaven and himself more plusses.
Since no other Celestials recognize Ultimus, the above attunements and Rites are what he *would* grant, if anybody would admit to knowing him.
Ultimus cannot be summoned unless the summoner utilizes, you guessed it, plusses:
(Back to Archangels)