Ralph, Demon Prince of Apathy

(Created by Nana Yaw Ofori [ nofori@uoft02.utoledo.edu ])

"The world is...oh, who cares." [Austin Loomis]

The Word of Apathy doesn't need much prodding. Regardless of the topic, there will always be a decent number of people who don't care about it. Apathy might have been one of the more prominent Words, if the Demon Prince cared about pushing it. But that would defeat the purpose.

One day, Lucifer decided, "I think I shall assign the Word of Apathy." He said this to his secretary, which he had because it pleased the Dark Lord to have a secretary at the time. "Tell no one."

And the next morning, hundreds of demons had gathered at the courtyard in front of Lucifer's palace, as it also pleased the Dark Lord to have a palace at the time. Each one was prepared to demonstrate to their Lord how he could best exemplify the Word of Apathy. Many were there with various methods of self-torture, with which they would demonstrate how much pain they could take without caring. Others had brought enemies who would lash out at them, and the demons would simply sit there, demonstrating their apathy. And others just sat there.

This went on for six days. On the seventh day Lucifer's secretary spoke from the front steps of the palace. "My Lord Lucifer has spoken! None of you are worthy of the Word of Apathy, as you care too much about it to deserve it. Return to your principalities." And as was predictable, this angered the throng of demons immensely. They rose up and tore the secretary to pieces. Which was good, as it no longer pleased Lucifer to have a secretary.

Some time later, word came to a squad of Djinn of Asmodeus, that Lucifer wished them to search Hell and Earth for the thirty most Apathetic demons in both realms, and to bring them back to the palace. And thus, the search began.

Ralph was a Habbalite, in service to Sloth. As far back as anyone who dwelt in Perdition could remember, Ralph had sat by a staircase off one of the hallways, staring at the wall. Ralph never joined in the various entertainments, instead, stared, unmoving, unspeaking, at the wall. All in Perdition who saw him, simply assumed that he was just a habbalite in an extended period of Trauma. The Demon Prince of Sloth rarely had his Traumatized rounded up and culled...it tended to be too much trouble.

Instead, the truth is that Ralph was sent to Earth on a mission for Sloth millenia ago. Due to circumstances beyond his control, Ralph wound up attempting to use his resonance to invoke Emptiness on a corporeal Vessel containing the Archangel Janus. Naturally, it failed, and failed miserably. Unfortunatley for Ralph, it locked him into a permanent state of Emptiness, caring about nothing, the state the Djinn claim to aspire to. Summarily, his corporeal vessel was slain by a Malakite of Wind, and his forces drew back together, eventually, in Perdition. He came out of Trauma, and settled in to Apathy, the difference being nearly impossible to tell.

Eventually, as is wont to happen in Hell, things changed. Haagenti, arisen to Demon Prince status, and ticked off at the world in general, broke into the Perdition citadel, and began eating the ponderous bulk of the Demon Prince of Sloth, as well as those of his servitors who were slothless enough to attempt to retaliate. After consuming those who would and could resist, The Prince of Gluttony had his minions round up the Traumatized, to be cooked in the second biggest barbecue Hell had ever seen. So Haagenti's diabolicals rounded up all the remaining traumatized, bringing them out in front of the citatel for ther roasting. Ralph was placed on one of these cartloads of poor, catatonic demons, but while being taken to the bonfire, the cart tipped over, and Ralph bounced off the cart, tumbled down the hill, coming finally to a stop on a boulder that straddeled the border of Perdition and what would eventually become Tarterus. And there Ralph sat, unnoticed, for two centureies, staring out into the distance.

That is, untill one of the searching Djinn found him, picked him up, and took him to Lucifer's Palace.

The applicants, if they could be called that, having been all dragged bodily to the palace, were placed in a room deep in the basement of the palace. From there, Lucifer's new Secretary spoke to them. "One of you will be chosen to embody the Word of Apathy. Your quest is simple. Those of you who remain here the longest will proceed, the rest will have failed. The exit is here, for any who wish to leave."

They say at this points, something was brought into the room. Some say it was a relic so Divine that it began to flay the very Forces from the Demons. Some say it was an artifact so diabolical that it insiduously compelled the demons to go out and do its bidding. Some say it was nothing at all, and the only things the Demons had to face was one another. Whatever it was, those who were involved aren't talking.

Time passed...days, years, decades, centuries...and one by one, the demons left the room, some walked out in silence, others ran out screaming. Finally it came down to two. Ralph, and a large, shabby Djinn named Kennek. And they sat there for nineteen years staring at one another.

Until Ralph stood, and walked out.

Lucifer entered the room again some time thereafter. He watched the Djinn for awhile, and then spoke.

"You have remained to the end of the trial." Spoke the greatest of the Balseraphs. "You may be worthy of the Word Apathy."

"Thank you, My Lord," Said the Djin. "I will--" "That is," continued Lucifer, "If you weren't so grateful." For it pleased Lucifer to nitpick on that day.

Ralph was halfway back to his rock when Lucifer approached him. "You, Ralph, remained in the room almost as long as Kennek, the Djinn did." Ralph looked up at the Balseraph, stepped around him and continued on.

Lucifer appeard in front of the Habbalah again. "You were apathetic enough to remain in the room as long as you did, but did not care enough about gaining the Word to remain to the end." Ralph stepped around Lucifer again, and continued walking.

Lucifer blocked the onward path of Ralph. "Henceorth, now and forever, I imbue you with the Word of Apathy. None have had the Word until now, and None shall have it while you remain. No longer are you Ralph, Habbalite Servitor of Sloth. Henceforth, you are Ralph, Demon Prince of Apathy."

Ralph looked up at Lucifer again, and wearily spoke the first words he had spoken in millennia, and the only words he has spoken in the centuries since.

"Can I go now?"


Ralph has no servitors, but if he did, they would gain Dissonance by doing anything. Anything at all. Even Breathing.


Ralph has none of these, as he has no Servitors. Every once in awhile a Demon might show up and attempt to pledge loyalty to the Demon Prince of Apathy. Usually, they're Djinn, wishing to devote themselves to the essence of not-caring, the word of Apathy. Ralph never takes any notice, and eventually, the Demon leaves.


Ralph is neither a popular, nor a hated Demon Prince. In fact, nearly all Archangels, and some Demon Princes, when Demon Prince Ralph is mentioned, will ask, "Who?"

Allied: No one.
Associated: Nada.
Hostile: Not a soul.
Enemy: You guessed it. Nobody.



Ralph will never, ever willingly leave his rock, for any reason. It's quite possible some more powerful Demon Prince might come and make him move, but the question is, Why? Ralph doesn't do anything. He doesn't participate in politics, or ruins schemes. He doesn't act against Lucifer, or step on anybody's Word. He just sits there. The only real reason to act against Ralph is because you think that someone else would better fit the Word of Apathy. But if you're willing to attack Ralph for it, that person's not you.

Ralph himself is apparenty completely immune to Celestial attack.



Ralph's Rock is a large, irregular hunk of granite, about the size of a Buick, tucked neatly between Perdition and Tartarus. The lights from Perdition occasionally wash across the rock, as does tentacled toxic sludge from Tartarus. Here is where Ralph can be found, all the time, staring out over the horizon. Apathy radiates from the rock in all directions. Anybody, and anything approaching the rock closer than twenty feet begins to feel strongly that he has better things to do, and that he should go do them. (Will roll every minute) Objects hurled into the region decide that continuing in a parabolic path is too much trouble, and fall to the ground, eventually rolling out of the principality altogether. Songs simply dissipate into thin air.

Anyone approaching closer than five feet feel an overpowering inclination to dissipate into his constituent forces or atoms, depending on who he is. This won't happen to Lucifer or a Demon Prince, and probably wouldn't happen to an Archangel, but the latter two would find the experience incredibly uncomfortable. The rock itself appears to be immune to these effects.

No damned souls languish under Demon Prince Ralph's harsh glare, no Servitors vie for his favor. The Principality of Apathy is mostly empty.

Sometimes some of Vapula's minions fire objects into the region, and take readings of the apathetic reactions. Sometimes, some of Nybbas' servitors talk about some possible entertainment based on Apathy. Most of the time, both just leave him alone.

Sometimes, Lilith shows up and watches Ralph for a long time. It's quite possible that the Demon Prince of Apathy is the most free creature in Hell. He does whatever he wants to do. It's just that he never wants to do anything.

And sometimes, it's possible, that the Demon Prince of Apathy might smile to himself at the way things turned out. Unfortunately, anybody who's close enough to notice is too close to care.

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