Rect, Demon Prince of Butts

Created by the twisted Christopher Paul <>

I don't know how many of you have gaming sessions that devolve into really, really, funny but tasteless game related jokes, but, well my gaming group does. Here's the TASTELESS produce of a five minute brainflash on my part that left my entire group on the floor.

"The world is a pain in the @$$." [Austin "Sorry, I just had to say that" Loomis]

Band attunements:

Balseraph of Butts can perfectly conceal any object they can fit in their butt against detection by any means.

Djinn of Butts can, by spending 1 essence, fart out a cloud of gas with a radius equal to their corporeal forces in yards which will drive everyone (including the Djinn) out of it who cannot make a will roll. The cloud lasts a number of minutes equal to the check digit.

Habbalah of Butts are the masters of making people feel sh!tty. When using their resonance to invoke depression, they may add their celestial forces to the roll.

Calabim of Rect may use their reasonance to cause a digestive disorder (check digit determines severity) in anyone within their normal reasonance range.

Lilim of Butts "got back." Anytime one of these sexy butted beauties gets a chance to wiggle her butt, she may add her corporeal forces to either her Seduction skill or a reaction roll, whichever is appropriate.

Shedim of Rect, may, if unable (or unwilling) to take a host, enter the butt of nearby human/vessel and remain there undetectable for a number of hours equal to the check digit of their successful resonance roll. On a failed resonance roll, that butt may not be entered that day.

Impudites of Butts regain Essence for participating in sodomy.

Servitor Attunements:

Butt Hard:

By spending a point of essence, the servitor becomes butt hard for a number of combat rounds equal to their total forces, halving all damage that they take after armor.

Butt Space:

The servitor may store large objects in their butt. Any single object weighing less in pounds than the demon's total forces and occupying cubic feet no more than the demon's corporeal forces may be placed in the demon's butt. Yes, you can put a 10' pole up your ass.

Note: used with the balseraph band attunement, this attunement allows items to be stored AND perfectly concealed.


Knight of Nature's Call:

Demons of this rank may spend 1 essence to make anyone they can see feel nature's call. Check digit determines the urgency of the call.

Captain of Ass:

A Captain of Ass may, by spending one essence, distract a single person within line of sight so that they "have their head up their ass" and will be at a penalty equal to the demon's celestial forces to any Perception roll they attempt for the next d10 minutes. This effect ends if the subject takes damage or is engaged in combat.

Baron of Booty:

Demons of this rank may access the eternal Butt through their own. By reaching into their posterior and making a successful Perception roll, they can pull useful objects out of their ass. Check digit determines the quality of items so produced. Essence cost is equal to the mass of the object divided by the demons corporeal forces in pounds. So, for a paltry 3 essence, the average demon could pull a fully loaded 9lb. submachine gun out of their butt. Note that whether or not the Perception roll succeedes, essence is spent, and SOMETHING is pulled out of the eternal Butt. Again, check digit should guide you in determining what. Be afraid if you ever pull the Holy Spirit out of your ass... (d666=111)


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