The Conversion of St. Peter

By Moe Lane (


I'm sorry. I keep seeing the words "Conversion of St. Peter" and I think, "Into what? A living artifact?"

Actually, wouldn't _that_ be a scandal. St. Peter, down on a rare visit to the Corporeal Plane, gets kidnapped by a bunch of Renegade Habbalah of Technology who stick him into a plaster statue of himself (using Vaputech Stock Plot Device #5544-5f(c))and then try to ransom him to Heaven, in exchange for the Inquisition's secret files on Jesus.

A shame Heaven doesn't have any such thing, huh? Or, heck, maybe they do. Maybe Dominic's even so tired of trying to figure out precisely _what_ happened in Judea all those years ago that he figures that letting the Renegades actually have said files. It's not like there's anything useful in them, the Habbalah haven't considered the fact that Dominic can have a Cherub attune to the blessed things and track the Punishers, and besides, maybe the demons will uncover a clue.

The Habbalah are, truth be told, shocked as Hell when the messengers (wonder who _that_ could be?) show up with the files: they expected at least some defiant posturing. But the (random PC/convenient NPC) Seraph sings out that Dominic agreed to the trade, and the Vaputech dissonance-o-meter isn't going off, so that's that. Miserable milksops in heaven, anyway. So, the head Habbalite gestures grandly with the aforementioned V.P.D. at the plaster statue.

No effect.

He does it again.

Still no effect.

One last time.

Nada. Zip. No Saint.

The Punishers look at each other, then look at their human servant/punching bag. Some quick 'interrogation' will indicate that said servant, not actually being there for the forced plasterization of St. Peter, may not have been completely sure _which_ one of the half-dozen or so statues of his Holiness he was supposed to have grabbed. Oops...

Now, at this point the Habbalah are sweating (and bloody, of course, but that's another story). Lunatic Renegade demons or not, they can figure out that stealing a Saint is one thing: reneging on a deal with the Cloaked One is just _dumbass_. The PCs will no doubt have made similar calculations, substituting "having to tell Dominic that the first Pope is now adorning some matron's back yard", but keeping the dumbass bit.

Guess it's time to go search some yards, gardens, rectories and houses with the PC's new friends: do I really need to tell you how to make this a nightmare for them? Made worse by the extreme tackiness of some of the places that they'll have to check out. Try not to let the Habbalah kill anyone for having bad taste.

No matter how badly the PCs are tempted.


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EDG <>
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