Break Moe's Brain: Undead Sun

By Casca


She appeared before the Council, wreathed in flames of agony. "My solar tether has fallen!" she wailed, her tears burning prophecies of doom in flaming script as they struck the floor. "It is now in the hands of the Usurper. Soldekai is dead in the Spirit. A blasphemous new cruelty is now birthed upon the Earth." She turned as she spoke, rage and grief fighting for eminence in her voice, looking each Archangel and councilmember in the eye. Rage won.

"This is your fault!" she accused the Council as a whole. "You, who would not help me in my pain and madness and grief! You, who would rather not rock the boat! You, whose petty politics are more important than the well-being of an Archangel! You have all brought this upon yourselves!" She was positively shrieking now. "They have slain the Sun and raised it in unlife! THIS IS UPON ALL YOUR HEADS!"

After she had departed, silence filled the chamber. "The sun shines on both the just as the unjust," murmured Yves.

It all started when Belial and Saminga started talking about the Good Old Days: Human sacrifice, murder cults, burning alive at the stake. Saminga noted that humans have an easier time committing atrocities when they can rationalize it, and the easiest form of rationalization is "It's necessary for survival." He savored the irony, especially.

Belial countered that it was much easier back then, as the humans didn't have a global community to provide support and humanitarian aid.

"Threaten the globe", Saminga riposted.

Belial allowed as how that had been tried during the cold war. "Ah, nukes. So wonderfully destructive. Like focusing the sun on a single point..."

"Bah, the sun," sneered Saminga. "Giver of life. If only there were a way to kill it....."

The two Princes looked up at the same time. "Vapula," they announced simultaneously, and went to see the Genius Prince.

The plan was devilishly simple. Saminga recalled all Coffins of Undeath and transported them to Tartarus. There, Vapula would construct a framework large enough to encompass the Sun and incorporating the Coffins into its design. Necromantic rituals would be bound into the frame, turning it into a sun-size Coffin.

Belial would ensure the Superscalar Coffin would not be consumed by the Sun's fire. When the design was complete, the Solar Tomb (as Saminga dubbed it) would be transported around the sun. At the stroke of midnight (any midnight... it didn't matter, as midnight is based on the position of Earth relative to the Sun, and the Sun doesn't move), it would be transformed into..... THE GREATEST UNDEAD THE SYMPHONY WILL EVER SEE, AND ALL WILL TREMBLE BEFORE ITS TERRIBLE MAJESTY!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHH!!!!!

(*ahem* Thank you, Saminga. Go play with your Neil Gaiman dolls.)

... transformed into a Zombi.

Yes, a Zombi Sun.

Stop looking at me like that.

Sidebar: How the $#!% do you zombify a sun?

It's playing fast and loose with canon, but it's just this side of possible. Consider this:

  1. Everything in the Symphony is made of Forces. Corporeal things like rocks, trees....Suns.... are made of Corporeal Forces. Sometimes lots and lots of Corporeal Forces.
  2. Apparently, all you need to become a Zombi are Corporeal Forces. A corpse, which is nothing but Corporeal Forces, can be zombified.
  3. It's a stretch, but the Sun can be thought of as alive in a certain sense. It was born from stellar gases; it lives and consumes its fuel; when that fuel is consumed, it dies. Symbolically and metaphorically, it has to be alive: how can something that is identified with life and life-giving properties by all of humanity not be alive in some figurative sense?
  4. It's a combination of Necromantic ritual and Vaputech (a kind of black magic in its own right.) and has the loving attention of three Demon Princes, as well as the Prince of Darkness. That's enough of a handwave for just about anything.

The only problem was how to get it there in the first place.

As a celestial artifact, it could be carried along in celestial form, then materialized when in position. However, the Disturbance would be significant, and given the distances involved the invaders would be detected before they were in place, and the angels at the tether would be able to mount an effective defense, with Gabriel being invoked the moment a Demon Prince made his presence known.

The Song of Celestial Motion was dismissed as being too Essence-intensive; while each Prince certainly had enough to move the Solar Tomb, such an act would leave him weakened, and weakened Princes become dead Princes. The possibility of sharing the burden was likewise unfeasible, as the only thing the three could trust each other to do was finding a way of contributing less and exploiting that advantage.

It was about this time Lucifer wandered by and offered his assistance.

The Sun, he explained, is as much about Light as it is about Fire. He once had a tether there, millennia ago. Perhaps if he... persuaded... it, it would reopen, however briefly.

Sunspots? You bet. What, you thought patches of darkness on an otherwise bright, life-giving object weren't sufficiently symbolic?

Care and Feeding of your Zombi Sun

All Zombis have needs. This one is no exception, and it's a doozy: Human Sacrifice. A human ritually burned alive at the stake, actually. Otherwise, the Sun takes a body hit every 24 hours.....

Naturally, this Need won't be detected at first. But as the Sun takes damage, its 'lifespan' shortens, and it burns through its fuel faster. Pretty soon, the Sun will begin its transformation to Red Giant many billions of years ahead of schedule, and you can bet the scientific community is going to sit up and take notice.

Once the panic has reached hysterical proportions, key servants of Infernal Fire and Death will begin influencing the death cults which pop up in every crisis. They will be able to give scientific proof that ritualistic human sacrifice is needed to appease the Sun God, and the only way for the human race to survive is to propitiate this hungry god.

Belial is happy is because humans are being burned alive. He also gets to hurt Gabriel even more, by perpetuating a great cruelty upon the world. And, in perverting the Sun into a scorching destroyer, he takes her greatest tether from her.

Vapula is happy because when they're not sacrificing themselves, the humans are worshipping at the altar of Technology in the hopes of colonizing another planet and/or halting the sacrifices.

Saminga is happy because human sacrifice is widespread and institutionalized. Oh, and he's just made an undead with it's own gravity well.

And, come to think of it: don't vampires have a Vulnerability to sunlight? I wonder what happens if that sunlight comes from an Undead Sun.....

Pleasant Dreams. >:)

I'd like to thank everyone who helped me create this vile abomination: the darkwave band Upbeat Depression, whose song "Dead Sun" I mis-read and started me down this line of thought; EDG, whose comments on my "Forces Question" post nicely obfuscated my intent, while still enabling me to get the answers I sought; and Cathy King and Ruth Evers, two of my players, whose minds I broke when I described the rough draft of this idea to them (on Holy Saturday, of all days).

I'd really like to be able to thank God as well, but I suspect He has far too much class and taste to want to be associated with a project such as this.


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