The Four-Colored Super-Villain

By Emily Dresner-Thornber



"Hold now, evil villains!"
"Joey," said the Kurth, a mild mannered Djinn, "we're the evil villains."
"Hold now, super heroes! Or I will give you a taste of justice!"
The four angels facing the two small demons looked faintly confused. They stood on the roof of the high-rise, looking at each other. And then, coming to a conclusion, they charged.
"Look at that," said Joey with his hands in his pockets and a small sniff. "Not only are they not using their super powers, they're not even wearing spandex."
"We better get out of here, man!" shouted Kurth, feeling that bit of panic that sets in when faced with several angry, rampaging angels. "They're gonna kill us!" But, with a sad little *pop*, Joey was already gone, teleported to another part of the dirty city below.
"Uh... Joey?"


"Why are we here, master?" the Habbalite Joiel asked.

The ancient Habbalite eyed this new one with a wary and slightly bored eye. "To punish the weak for the greater glory of God," he recited.

Joiel had heard this bit before. "Why are we in Hell, Master, if we're working for the greater glory of God?"

"Because it is our place," said the Habbalite.

Joiel had heard all this before, too. He worked through what little he knew about the Fall, and had difficulty understanding what it was All About. Everytime he asked, he heard the same litany about punishing the weak. "If we're angels," said Joiel, "and we work for the greater glory of God, why aren't we in Heaven?"

"Because," said the bored and becoming irate Habbalite, "God placed us here after the Fall."

"I know the Fall was bad. I learned all about it on a TV show. But, I was thinking, Master... Couldn't we just say we're sorry?" Joiel was very hot on saying he was sorry to God. He wasn't clear what he was sorry about, but there was a spiffy Hallmark store in Shal-Mari that had funny apology cards, and he thought that maybe, if he drew a funny face in it and sent it to God, everything would be better.


"Why not?"

"It's not that simple, Joiel. Begone from my presence."


Young Joiel, now Joey Blackburn, mild mannered high school student by day, demon hellion by night, was still confused on this issue. If you couldn't say you were sorry to God, clearly there was a reason for hanging around in Hell. He was only sixteen for a few days before one of his new human friends introduced him to the answer... in the form of the Uncanny X-Men.

Now he got it. It all suddenly made sense. He knew why it wasn't so easy.

The way he figured it, angels were super-heroes for God. And super-heroes needed foes to foil, the same way Professor X needs Magneto. Without super-villains, super-heroes are just guys with spiffy powers. Sure, it's cool to have spiffy powers, but he read Kingdom Come, too, and he knew what happened when you just had guys with spiffy powers lying around idle. The world could end!

Egads! The end of the world! That would be awful! If the world ended, where would he put all his stuff?

Joey found his mission. He knew what he had to do. He would become... a super villain. He would become a super-villain for God, making the super-hero angels grander and larger than life. He would make sure the world didn't end. God would dig that.

Of course, he wasn't terribly good at being a super villain -- certainly not at first. He didn't have the heart to actually go out of his way to blow up orphanages or trash emergency rooms like his handlers would have rather he did. He couldn't bring himself to do more than slash a few tires and set fire to the occasional mailbox.

Besides, super-villains think bigger and grander. They have super-plots. They have mutant sea-bass with lasers on their heads. And they get to wear leather instead of spandex.

The demons at the Tether (which Joey started calling "Secret Headquarters") weren't terribly amused, but the small demon did his job with suprising earnest, and they left him at that.


"Oh boy oh boy oh boy!" Joey said at the counter of Dave's Comics. His weekly subscriptions arrived. He shelled some cash, and ran off with a large package of dearly-loved comic books under his arm. He stopped on the way home to pick up a large box of snails from the local pet store. He had a very nefarious scheme involving snails, a rooftop garden on a high-rise, and very tiny flamethrowers.

Before putting his scheme together and calling his buddy Kurth, he had to sit down on the floor and read his comics. He blew through nearly $100 a week on his habit, but that was okay. It was research! Sometimes he would make notes of especially nasty schemes involving speeder boats and satellite dishes.

Later that day, he drew a little fan art of his conception of Laurence with the huge sword that shoots thunderbolts. He doesn't know a whole lot about Laurence past what he's seen on Nybbas TV, but he is pretty certain, if anything, that Laurence's sword shoots big crackly thunderbolts. He dropped the fan art into the mail, addressed to "God's Hall of Justice" -- the local tether to Lightning. Of course, it has no return address on it.

He met Kurth in an alleyway. Kurth expressed his opinion that Joey is crazier than a loon on acid and was about to walk away. Joey became agitated and made Kurth experience a little zeal. There's nothing quite like a zealous Djinn.


Joey has a very strict conception of the universe. In his mind, angels are super-hero good guys for God who run around in spandex and use super powers to destroy all the "evil." Demons are, well, demons -- but the smart ones are the super-villains who follow his Lord, the Master Super Villain with the Best and Coolest Schemes.

He's often very disappointed when the angels don't wear spandex or the demons don't wear leather. He often attempts to explain how people should look and act. Sometimes he sends the Lilim and Impudites who are sent up from Hell to a local leather shop to "get the right duds for the job." It's not unusual for him to send little letters to the angels telling them how they should behave.

Because Joey suspects he's an angel -- he's not entirely sure -- he sometimes becomes confused who is the super-villain and who is the super-hero. He's pretty sure that he is supposed to be a super-villain, but the kind of super-villain that keeps the other super-villains in line. He's not sure. He keeps notes to help himself out when he becomes philosophically confused.

Otherwise, Joey is pretty mild-mannered as Habbalah go. He attends a local high school during the day as part of his role, does the work of demons (as the super-villain THE DEMON) at night, and tends toward cheerfulness. He doesn't really get the War, but he understands the struggle between good and evil in his comics, and he applies that morality to his world.

Mechanics: There's no actual character sheet for Joey. The GM can build him as appropriate for the campaign. He's a Habbalah of Fire, between 7-9 Forces, and has Song of Motion (Celestial)/6. His skills include Knowledge (All Things X-Men) and an art skill in drawing.


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