Nelson, Calabite Knight of Derision, Demon of Wedgies

By Moe Lane


(Original Concept by Matthew Streight)

Corporeal Forces: 5
Strength: 12
Agility: 8
Ethereal Forces: 2
Intelligence: 2
Precision: 6
Celestial Forces: 5
Will: 12
Perception: 8

Word-Forces: 2

Vessel: hulking guy/5

Skills: Dodge/5, Fighting/5, Large Weapon/4 (Club), Ranged Weapon/4 (rifle)

Songs: Entropy (Corporeal/1, Ethereal/6, Celestial/3), Motion (Celestial/5), Shields (Corporeal/2, Ethereal/4, Celestial/2)

Discord: Paranoid/6 (he used to have Angry/2, but he got that taken care of really quickly after he got his Word)

Attunements: Calabite of Dark Humor, Prank, Knight of Derision, Demon of Wedgies

Demon of Wedgies: Nelson can use his resonance to inflict Mind Hits, provided that he gives his target a wedgie at the same time.

Rites: Guess.

Nelson used to be the Freak's Freak: that is, big, violent and dumb as a post. Well, he's still that way, but now he's also a paranoid big, violent and dumb Freak. Of course, there's also the question about whether 'paranoid' is a justifiable descriptor: after all, paranoia is defined as the irrational fear that Somebody's Out To Get You...

It all went down like this. Up until quite recently, Nelson was just another Servitor of Dark Humor, cheerfully abusing anyone and anything that he could get away with. Being just bright enough to plagiarize, he took his inspiration from the stereotypical playground bully. Even then, the Calabite liked giving wedgies: when done right, it served his Word quite nicely. True, being able to turn some poor bastard's underwear into a hat wasn't the surest road to promotion, but it had the virtues of reliability. There's always somebody ready to laugh at a good wedgie. All in all, Nelson was fairly set.

That was before the infamous Kronos Incident.

In his more lucid moments, Nelson damns himself for a fool for going into the Archives in the first place. He should have just left the stupid Impudite of Fate be - but, no, he had to go bother the twerp on his own turf. Said twerp had hid himself well, though: so well that Nelson never actually did find the bugger. But the Calabite did come across the Prince of Fate, though. A Prince of Fate with his back turned to a Freak of Dark Humor who was almost transcendently pissed off with everything about his surroundings at the time. For what it's worth, Nelson tried to restrain the impulse.

He failed.

Interested scholars have asked him since then to answer one of the lesser mysteries regarding the Prince of Fate: boxers or briefs? And what color? Alas, Nelson cannot answer them: he has apparently blocked the actual details from his memories - besides, a belated rush of oxygen to the brain caused him to keep his eyes closed during the procedure. This was almost certainly wise of him, considering that the mere exposure of Kronos' undergarments was enough to cause the sudden explosion of virtually every entity's head within 100 yards. Indeed, there were only three survivors of the Kronos Incident: The Prince of Fate, Nelson (no doubt within the eye of the metaphorical storm, as it were) - and Lucifer himself. Apparently, he had been just passing by. After the Lightbringer stopped shrieking with laughter, he gave Nelson the Word of Wedgies on the spot.

Nelson has not enjoyed the experience, much. Kobal was happy enough to provide him with a Distinction for his trouble - there's a rumor that the Laughing Prince has somehow managed to acquire a close up photo of Kronos' expression at the critical moment - but the new Knight does not have any commensurate responsibilities. Furthermore, his former colleagues avoid him like the veritable plague. Well, actually, everybody does. Kronos may have been unable to vaporize the Calabite on the spot, thanks to Lucifer's obvious favor, but the Prince of Fate is quite aware just how temporary that favor can be. Once it dissipates - well, so will Nelson.

At least, that's the smart bet. Experienced Kronos-watchers are actually quite impressed by how long the Demon of Wedgies has lasted, in fact. Despite Nelson's best efforts, he has encountered Kronos on several occasions, and each time the Prince has had a slightly puzzled smile on his face as he calmly looked over the sweating Knight. Obviously, whatever it is that's coming is going to be epic, considering how long it's taking to come to full fruition.

Obviously, this is not sitting well with Nelson. He's a nervous wreck by now, but wouldn't you be? His dissonance levels keep fluctuating - the Calabite is too busy trying to find a place to hide to properly serve Dark Humor - thus explaining his impressive level of Paranoia. Somewhere, deep in the foggy recesses that serve for his mind, the Calabite knows that this should trigger the interested gazes of the Game, which just gives him one more thing to try to ineffectually watch out for.

He needn't bother. The Game is just as keen as anyone else is to see what Kronos will eventually come up with as a response...


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