Yeah, I know all about the war, and frankly I couldn't give two figs. Heaven and Hell? they're both as bad as each other.
I lived a good life, didn't break the law, worked 9-5 supporting a family. Thought I was set. Ha. right. Turns out the company I worked for was part owned by demons. Well, we all have bosses from hell right? I didn't know that at the time, but apparently ignorance isn't a defence where angels are concerned.
It was nothing spectacular. There were no black-winged angels with flaming swords (although I've seen a few of them since). Just three guys in suits. I thought they were IRS or something, since they wanted to look at the financial records and employee details. Being the company accountant, it was my job to deal with them. Gave them everything they wanted, was as helpful as i could be. But I swear on my mothers grave, the ledgers they gave me back didn't match the ledgers i'd given them. Oh, they looked the same, and it was even the same handwriting, but the accounts didn't add up after that.
Well, to cut short story shorter, the real IRS turned up out of the blue two days later and shut the company down. I lost my job, my wife left me, and I hit the bottle. A few months later, I was drinking myself into a stupor in some backstreet bar when in walks one of the b*stards who lost me my job. He walks straight over to me, bold as brass and tries to appologise. Well, naturally I swung for him. Faster than thought, he grabbed my wrist in a vice-like grip, and pinned my arm to the table. Strong as an Ox wasn't in it. Then all of a sudden I feel all lethargic, and the anger drains out of me. The guy explains that what they did was part of a "Higher Plan", and that he was sorry that they had caused so much "collateral damage".
They F*cked my life up! Anyway, he says he sought me out because he had seen I had potential to become a Soldier... Yeah, like the army would take an overweight drunkard like me. He said that wasn't what he meant, and then proceeded to explain a little about whats really going on in the world. That's when I found out I'd been working for demons.
He offered me a chance to turn my life around and do something worthwhile. Worthwhile! I was doing fine until him and his halo buddies screwed everything six ways from sunday. But what was I going to say? This was an Angel for god's sake! Well, I told him to go take a flying leap, and walked out of the bar.
Seems word travels well between both sides. A few days later, some punk in leather sidles up to me in the street, and requested that I follow him. requested, with a magnum backing it up. Apparently they'd got word of what I'd said to the Angel, and wanted to give me protection, in return for going back to work for them. By now, I was getting a little tired of this. Thankfully I knew the bar he took me to, and knew they were kinda intolerant around here.
I leapt back, shouting "Queer!" and pointing at the demon. Sure enough four burly trailer-trash types immediately decided they'd do their civic duty and pound the "fruit" into the ground. I didn't hang around.
I always thought we had some measure of control over our lives. Turns out I was dead wrong. Well I'm not going to have some metaphysical War take over my life. Humanity can stand on its own two feet.
Like me. I'm not going to be pushed around, or puppeted. Heh. the angel was right. Now I'm doing something worthwhile. I'm hunting down any of these "Celestials" that are messing with ordinary people, and I'm sending 'em back where they came from. Turns out i'm not the only one who thinks humanity is a no-go area. We (and no, i'm not telling you who the others are) keep tabs on whats going on, warn each other about what the celestials are up to, and if we find them taking advantage of innocent people, we deal with them. I don't care how impressive a Malakite is in close combat, a bazooka shell still turns them to mush.
Sure, it's a dangerous life, but what other life have I got? and the way I see it, The more of them we kill, the sooner they learn that we're not to be kicked around.
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