Amalgam: Vapulinga

By Jonathan Walton



Demon Prince of Thanotech

The world is a death machine, a piston-driven iron maiden that exists only to kill... Speaking of which ... Would you mind squirting a little grease on those gears over there? It seems to be having some trouble shutting completely.

When Vapulinga, one of the first Elohim not personally created by God, witnessed the extinction of the Dinosaurs, he knew that his life had changed. Death was a fascinating force, but it was, truth be told, slow and inefficient. Anyone could see that the ultimate end of the universe was death, so why stand around doddling? Wouldn't it be better to help everything along a little?

Ultimately, these feelings led Vapulinga to join the service of Lightning. In those early days, man had not yet learned how to consistantly make fire, but the Halls of Progress already gleamed with the promise of new technologies that the Corporeal Plane would not see for millions of years. Aptly enough, a great many of the secret mechanisms involved not just death but death on a grand scale. It was all very beautiful: swords and cannons, handguns and high explosives, chemicals and infectious diseases, all the products of a delightful marriage between Technology and Death.

Around 25,000 BCE, when Jordi got sick of humanity and wanted to gut the whole lot, Vapulinga was right behind him. When Michael got in the way, acting on what he claimed were direct orders from God, no one was more disappointed than the Elohite. Still, if Vapulinga had his way, all the animals and plants would meet the reaper too (more specifically, an automated steam-driven power-reaper, if possible), and there was no way Jordi would agree to that. It seemed that no one in Heaven truly understood the logic of the world. Everything must die. That was simply the way things were. And Vapulinga alone knew the truth.

Then the Rebellion occured. Since the Lightbringer and his allies were fighting against humanity, Vapulinga hoped that this would be the chance to set right what Michael had stopped earlier. After Lucifer won, Vapulinga would be free to use all his devices, bombs, and plagues to wipe the face of the world clean. After all, what they were fighting for was the superiority of Celestial-kind. Nobody cared about the ugly little mortals down there anyway, right?

Even when the Rebellion failed, Vapulinga fell, and the demons ended up sealed in the pits of Hell, the newly reborn Habbalite didn't dispair. God was simply giving him a chance to freely inflict his Righteous Wrath on the mortals. And so, ever since then, he has been trying. It's been over 20,000 years since then, though, so, as you can imagine, there are a few complications.

As the Demon Prince of Thanotech, Vapulinga's done a great job of putting machines of death in the hands of humanity. However, all of his plans to get animals and plants to kill each other have failed utterly. Finally, the Habbalite Prince has resorted to simply use humanity to kill everything on the planet, and that method is going along quite nicely. Still, whenever Vapulinga comes up with some great scheme to destroy all life, it gets foiled, not just by the forces of Heaven but, oftentimes, by the forces of Hell as well.


It continues to be the case that Vapulinga is the only one who understands the true Will of God. What a shame. The Habbalite Prince is forced to console himself by making bigger and more impressive machines that cause bigger and more impressively messy deaths. Luckily, he is easily amused (and, his servitors whisper, not too bright about anything other than killing machines) and will continue to be satified as long as he has a chainsaw and a room full of innocent people to massacre.


Back to the INC Mainpage.
Back to the Princes page.

Send mail to the Curator