Late-Breaking News Report

By CS Honeyman


From the Celestial Inquirer

In what is set to become a landmark legal battle of apocalyptic proportions, 
the Devil today filed a lawsuit against the World Council of Churches (WCC) 
and its owner on behalf of himself and the Legions of Hell, Inc., claiming 
that he and his underlings have been mistreated by the members of the WCC and 
by their employer, the entity frequently known as God, Jesus, Yves, the Holy 
Ghost, Miguel Jimenez of Texas, and other entities.

"I have had enough!" said Lucifer, speaking exclusively to the Celestial 
Inquirer. "For centuries, I have put up with being ridiculed and abused by 
these people, and I won't take it anymore! It's not just the hostile working 
environment I object to, it's the blatant anti-demonism!"

The Lightbringer is suing the WCC and the God-entity for an undisclosed sum 
somewhere in excess of $50m, citing that he had been given a terrible job at 
the expense of his previous one - he became Lord of the Fiery Pit having 
previously been God's First Angel of Light - and also that he had been 
continually harassed by the WCC and its employer, alleging that crucifixes and 
Bibles were waved at him regularly, despite the fact that it was well known 
that these things caused him personal distress.

God Himself was not available for comment, but we did manage to get a statement 
from one of his avatars, namely Eric Clapton, who spake thusly unto our 
reporter: "The Fact That We, The Alpha And Omega, The Sum Of All Parts, Are 
Being Sued By An Employee Makes A Mockery Of The Labor Laws of This Country 
Which is One Under Me. And Now Please Excuse Us, The LORD thy GOD Has To Play 
At A Gig In New York."

 He then excused Himself, explaining that He had to die on stage for all our sins.


Back to the INC Mainpage.
Back to the Fiction page.

Send mail to the Curator