Touched By An Angel, Andrealphus Style
When you're on good terms with the Media, it's
expected that you'll take a look at what's on the
tube every once in a while. And the title of the
show... intrigued Lord Andre. It certainly sounded
like it might have possibilities.
"Underwhelmed" barely started to express his reaction.
It was so... nice.
Still, the title... there were possibilities with the
title. He'd have his people call Nybbas's people,
and then they'd do lunch.
"Andre, compadre! What do you have for me?" Nybbas
flounced into one of Shal-Mari's tonier
establishments, and imps ran each other over to attend
Andreaphalus looked up from his notes and grinned.
"Storyboards for 'Touched by an Angel.' My version."
"You know I love your stuff, you naughty thing. Let's
"Episode One," Andre laid down the first board with
finess. "I've got an older Balseraph lined up for the
main role. Casting's open for the other... any big
brute Calabite will do. Homoerotic military shower
Nybbas looked it over. "Do we really need the
shower, all things considered? He's always naked,
Andre shrugged. "Showers are classic, but you're The
Man for production." Nybbas beamed and Andre made
himself smile. Producers. You had to give them
something to fiddle with.
"Episode Two." The next board drifted to the table.
"A real hot little lesbian BDSM number. Title's
'Smite me, baby.' Figured we'd use Lilim for both
"I love it!" the Media crowed. "Um... who's that
supposed to be?" He indicated the character doomed to
the fiery dominatrix's clutches. Andre smiled
mysteriously, and Nybbas read the clunky dialogue with
a sigh. "'Tell me you deserve it! Tell me it's
Just!' Oh. Da*n me! Forgot the old snake had that
Andre's smile broadened. "I didn't."
"You wouldn't, would you? Speaking of lesbian love
scenes, do you think we could get a threesome with..."
"No? C'mon, it'd be fabulous! It's epic! It's..."
"Do you want to work with her?"
"Huh?" Nybbas squinted.
"Look, either we don't consult with her and she throws
a fit, in which case I don't want to deal with
fallout. Or, we bring her onboard and have to deal
with that. Remember when you used her for a
consultant on that horror project?"
Nybbas shuddered. "Yes. She's a regular Nightmare to
"Right. So she and her ex are right out. Which,"
Andre bit his lip, "is a crying shame. But, on to
His companion sighed. "Bestiality? Niche market, but
hey, what the heck. Any thought on the casting,
Andre coughed. "Ronald." Cough. "And his
Nybbas's eyes glazed over. "Yeah, yeah, baby, we'll
tell him it's all part of some public education
announcement about saving cows... or some bullsh*t.
He'll buy it. But... cows... cows aren't sexy."
Andreaphalous shrugged. "Don't knock it til you've
Nybbas forced a laugh. "Thanks, babe, I'll pass.
Cows. Huh. Maybe we'll get some country for the
music... that'd set the mood." Cows. Maybe he could
find some Shedite to possess something more
But Andre had continued on with the storyboards.
"Episode Four. 'Mother's Favorite Son.' I know an
Impudite who's just a dead ringer if we could get some
black wings and a sword for him. And..."
"And a Lilim. Da*n. Aren't there any good-looking
women in Hell who aren't Lilim?"
"Actually, I know this Djinn who gets off on
pretending to care. She'd be perfect."
"Fantastic! Now, c'mon, lay something more mainstream
on me, huh? Incest is fine, but it just doesn't sell
like good whitebread porn."
Andre bridled a bit. He'd co-written 'Mother's
Favorite Son' and thought it would sell just fine,
thanks. But he rallied gamely. "How's this?"
Episode Five featured a large cast of 'anthropomorphic
mechanical constructs capable of engendering positive
physical sensations," as the lead called them.
Nybbas grinned enthusiastically. "This is it! Lots
of women, lots of toys, big group scenes. I love it,
I love it! I'll get my people on this. Have your
people send over the contact informa-shee-oni on those
handpicks you've already casted." It was a waste of
time trying to second-guess Andre's casting calls for
a porn flick. He was the Prince of Lust for a reason,
"Will do, bub. I figure we'll roll these out at that
big glitzy place down the road and rake in the
Essence." The contract had, of course, already been
negotiated and signed. You didn't show Nybbas ideas
until you'd negotiated a contract.
Nybbas nodded, collecting the boards. "And that's a
wrap! I'll be seeing you, amigo!"
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