I wasn't prepared. I wasn't prepared to see him like that.
I. Just. Wasn't. Prepared.
The last time I saw him, he was glorious. Shining. Loving. Aware. He went with me to the Groves, to the treetops and handed my Heart over to Janus. Told me to watch and learn, and above all... (Have fun Arethas, my child. Play it cool, ride the winds..) So I had fun. I rode the winds and I rode them with she who became the love of my life. Neah. A seraph child of Janus. Only he doesn't call them that, but still. I learned a lot working with her, loving her... Working for Janus and his crew.
But I missed him. I didn't hear from him again after he let me over in Janus' keeping. Hardly any of us did. And then he just left. I heard the stories of course. Didn't belive them. I was utterly secure in my faith in my Archangel. My father-midwife-teacher-friend.
What's he doing? What's he doing?! I don't understand. He was human - human. That's not possible, but he was. He didn't know me. Didn't know us. Had no clue whatsoever, and still... Random transubstantiation. Confusion. He didn't know us. He didn't know himself, because he was someone else. I feared that it had all been for naught. At least this time. How to wake him? Bring him back? And would that even be appropriate. Something was wrong, but I'm not sure it was him.
So I was confused and dismayed and.....scared. So help me God I was frightened to see him like that. And - shame of shames - my faith wavered. My faith and trust in my Archangel wavered there, because I was not prepared to see him like that. (What is he DOING?)
When the attack came (as a result of my utter idiocy and negligence), I just knew I had to stop or at least stall the enemies. Getting the children out and away was priority number one, then Lillian, Kira and the one who was my Boss but wasn't. I was prepared to lose my vessel (like all warriors of Heaven - it's what we do), no problem as long as it would let the innocents get to some semblance of safety.
Praised be the Father in the Heavens Above then, because the man who was not then ceased to be and was yet again my Archangel. He knew himself again, and put a stop to whatever was going on. (There was much more to that attack than met the eyes and ears. Something more happened. Something that he stopped. Or stalled.) I wasn't there to stop the bullets that hurt him, the bullets that shoved red-hot pokers into my all. He forgave me. I love him.
But I don't understand. What is he doing?!
For the last week I've been meditating on this, trying to make sense out of it. Trying to make sense out of the Archangel of Creation. Some project eh? I've borrowed techniques from just about every other angel and human being I have ever met. Mostly tried the elohite hat on, and it suits me not. My faith in my Archangel wavered and I was dismayed by seeing him like that. Such wavering cannot be tolerated, so to hell with what suits me and suits me not!
My conclution is no conclution, it is merely a notion. Only Eli and possibly Yves (and the Allmighty) know the truth of it. My notion is: The War is fought over Humanity. They are at the core of the conflict, they are the thorn in the Lightbringer's blinded eyes. They may yet hold the key to ending it. Who better than the First Mercurian to find that key? (But why hasn't he done this sooner then?) Walk a mile in a man's shoes to find out about him... He'll have a lot of shoes to try on. (Loafers, slippers, sneakers, boots... And what about the millions of people walking barefoot.) Six billion miles to walk. If anyone can do this, it's my Archangel. Of this I have faith.
We are Creation. We will never be conquered. We will never stop. There is Creation in everything and so our Master has placed us within all the Divine Words. It is the next level of learning and teaching. We shall not fail. We must not lose faith. He needs us to grow up.
I do not doubt anymore. I will stay true. I will keep my faith.
And I will not disturb him in his work, if it can be avoided.
I do not comprehend, but I will be dilligent and I will prepare.
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