The Angelotron

By Moe Lane


(Cost: 8 pts.)

This is the latest gadget from Vaputech's Division of Metaphysical Engineering (motto: "Our stuff doesn't blow up as much. More or less.") and has been getting favorable responses from the Horde. That is to say, it was deemed worthwhile to actually include comment cards with this one; some of them actually come back minus scorch marks/non-radioactive/free of various byproducts of corporeal bodily functions/without scrawled obscenities in various languages both dead and alive. That's impressive, for Vaputech.

What the Angelotron does is perfectly (no, really) simulate the celestial appearance and ineffable 'signature' of the angelic counterpart of the wearer. This works everywhere, even in Heaven, costs no Essence, causes no disturbance and will fool everyone - including, yes, Superiors who aren't making the effort to look. You'd be surprised at how often that happens. It's safe to operate, too: as far as anyone can tell, there are no hidden pitfalls to using an Angelotron.

Not that an Angelotron is some sort of perfect disguise, of course. There are a few drawbacks. First off, it doesn't give the user access to the appropriate angelic resonance, or allow him, her or it to use Songs and relics that are only accessible to members of the Host. The guys at DME are working on it, but nobody's promising anything. Also, the demon's dissonance conditions are emphatically still in effect, which makes using this thing to infiltrate groups of angels or Soldiers of God risky in the long term. The guys at DME are not allowed to work on that problem... um, 'feature' ... as most of the Princes have made it clear that those conditions exist for a reason. There's also the small issue that anybody caught using an Angelotron is going to be in serious trouble with both Heaven (for obvious reasons) and Fate (Kronos doesn't approve of competition when it comes to fielding angel impersonators). Still, it's a popular item, especially since it's one of the few items that Shedim can automatically take with them whomever they go. The downsides are sufficiently mild to make an Angelotron worth it.


OK, there is one, small, practically meaningless problem. The Angelotron has been known to have, shall we say, existential issues sometimes. If its owner rolls an Intervention (either Infernal or Divine, the relic is faced with the problem of working out how to react to it. Unfortunately, despite the best efforts of the guys at DME its standard method of dealing with such an insoluble problem is to explode. This will cause 4d6 damage (of the same type as the current plane) (in the case of a Divine Intervention), which is usually bad, and always immediately break the illusion, which is sometimes worse. This makes infiltration of Heaven problematical, as Divine Interventions tend to show up quite often up there: worse, a demon suddenly exposed to the Light of Heaven because of the disintegration of an Angelotron takes damage for the next ten rounds as if he, she or it were in the locus of a Heavenly Tether. Yes, this would look exactly like someone 'burning with goodness' because, well, it's essentially what's happening.

Still, worth it, right?


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