Hi My Name is Todd
by Rik Kershaw-Moore
Art by andi jones
Advantages: Appearance: Attractive; Combat Reflexes; High Pain Threshold ; Legal Immunity .
Disadvantages: Unusual Biochemistry[-5], No Sense of Humor [-10].
Skills: Karate-14; Judo-12; Mini Needler-15; Filch-11; Intimidation-11; Stealth-13; Pickpocket-12; Lockpicking-9; Detect Lies-8; Driving (Van)-13.
Equipment: Black UCC Uniform (actually Light Monocrys armor); UCC Promotional gifts -- mouse pad, pens, badges; Mini-Needler.
Description: A six-foot-tall, well-built guy with nondescript good looks and a blonde crew cut. "Hi My Name is Todd" is always immaculately turned out in his black Universal Courier Company uniform with its integral "Hi My Name is Todd" name badge.
Quote: "Good day Ma'am, I believe you've got a package for me?"
"Hi My Name is Todd" and all his other clones were designed by the controllers of Warehouse 23 as a more covert means of removing strange artifacts from those who should not have them. Under normal circumstances, when Warehouse 23 wants to acquire something it sends out its agents, the Men in Black, to collect. Occasionally, however, there are circumstances and places where even the best MiB cannot go, and this is where "Hi My Name is Todd" comes in.
Genetically designed to be totally nondescript and instantly forgettable, "Hi My Name is Todd" arrives at the target site in a matte black van from the Universal Courier Company, a front for Warehouse 23. The UCC van is a marvel of applied stealth technology. The entire body shell is made from near radar transparent carbon fiber and coated in radar absorbent paint. In real terms, this makes the van invisible to all police radar speed traps and automatic camera systems, which cuts down on the number of times the vans are spotted.
Once on site, he simply walks in and collects the artifact, usually using the excuse that he is here to collect it. Normally "Hi My Name is Todd" relies on the simple expedient that no one will question a courier going about his business. However, should someone get too pushy then "Hi My Name is Todd" will defend himself with an impressive array of martial skills or the Mini-Needler he packs. Should the package be locked away, then "Hi My Name is Todd" is trained to deal with that situation as well.
Once he has located the "parcel," he will calmly return to his van and go, leaving behind a gift of either a promotional mouse pad or pen. Gifts that come complete with the latest in cutting edge surveillance technology so that the controllers of Warehouse 23 can keep tabs on the people who used to have the item "Hi My Name is Todd" has just picked up.
Of course, being a clone, "Hi My Name is Todd" is not 100 percent human, as revealed by his abnormally low body temperature and total lack of any sense of humor. The low body temperature is because the owners of Warehouse 23 used an alien cloning device to develop "Hi My Name is Todd." Unfortunately this means that he cannot eat normal human food, but has to rely on Genetically Un-Natural Comestibles (GUNC), a sort of gray paste that smells very strongly of rotting fish, which is supplied in a plastic tube labeled GUNC. There have been a number of cases where empty GUNC wrappers have been found at extraction sites. The lack of humor is there simply because the owners didn't think it was necessary.
There are thought to be around 300 "Hi My Name is Todd" clones running around at any one time collecting packages for Warehouse 23, all driving identical black vans, all with the identical Alaskan registered license plate UCC-1. Given these numbers and the circles the players move in it should not be too long before their paths cross with a "Hi My Name is Todd."
Although "Hi My Name is Todd" has been designed to fit into a modern day Warehouse 23 world. There is no reason to not move him either backward or forward through the time lines. Perhaps "Hi My Name is Todd" doesn't represent Warehouse 23 at all, but something more sinister. Is it coincidence that in a number of sightings of Black Triangle UFOs, the legend UCC-1 has been spotted emblazoned on the side?
Adventure Seeds"Hi My Name is Todd" is a great way of introducing the characters to Warehouse 23. He can be a protagonist met over a number of occasions, usually with him recovering any artifacts the players have acquired. If you play him right, "Hi My Name is Todd" can become a real pain in the neck as the players will see valuable proof vanishing under their noses. However, the following are adventures that all involve "Hi My Name is Todd" in a more direct way.
The Road AccidentOne lonely night, the characters take a wrong turn looking for a short cut that doesn't exist, and in the process come across an accident involving a red sports car. Lying on the road by the car is a fatally wounded government agent. The agent reaches out to the players and asks them to deliver a package to a friend of theirs in some far off distant city. Then just before he dies he utters the words "beware of Todd". After that it is nothing more than a chase to get to the city as clone after clone arrive to do battle. This could become something of a mental strain since no matter how many times they kill "Hi My Name is Todd" he always seems to be there waiting for them. A final twist could be their contact is actually a "Hi My Name is Todd" and this has all been an exercise to drive the players out of their minds, or even to recruit them into the Warehouse 23 organization.
The Three-Hundred-and-First Todd"Hi My Name is Todd" was based on a real person; Todd Smith, a mild mannered man who one day, many years ago, took a took a wrong turn and ended up trying to deliver a package to Warehouse 23. He was captured by the Caretakers, who grasped his usefulness to the organization and plugged him into one end of the cloning machine. This machine churned out copy after copy of Todd Smith. The clock moves forward to the present day and Todd somehow manages to escape from the machine and Warehouse 23. Since a side effect of the cloning machine is to keep the model perfect, Todd hasn't aged a day. With their master copy gone, the owners of Warehouse 23 have ordered all the "Hi My Name is Todd" clones to recover Todd Smith, no matter the cost.
Somehow the characters stumble over the Todd Smith situation. Possibly Todd Smith went to high school with some of them, or perhaps they run across a Todd Smith versus "Hi My Name is Todd" shoot out. Whatever happens, it won't be easy to ensure they keep hold of the original since there are 300 other nearly-identical Todd's converging on them. Luckily, Todd Smith is fully human, although his sense of humor is woefully atrophied.
The New ToddThe controllers of Warehouse 23 have decided it is time for a change. The old "Hi My Name is Todd" is becoming too recognizable, and so a successor is required. For some reason the controllers of Warehouse 23 have chosen one of the players as the successor and it is up to the other members of the party to protect the hapless victim as the whole might of Warehouse 23 is turned against them.
Article publication date: October 8, 1999
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