The Djinn Mindset
Djinn have the worst self-esteem of any Band. Why? Because they used to be Cherubim. Think about what this means: pre-Fall, they were the epitome of devotion, loyalty, and selfless love. Whenever a Cherub attunes itself to something, it is in effect swearing undying devotion to that object. The purpose of a Cherub is to love beyond all sense of self.
Now, imagine what happens when one such as this Falls. The desire-- no, - -need- to love something with that same level of devotion is still there, but it's been twisted into something selfish. Selfish love is all about wanting someone else to love you so you can feel good.
You're a Djinn. You need to be loved. You desperately want someone to love you. Of course, you can't just tell someone that you love him/her, because if he/she doesn't love you back, then that would mean you've been rejected. You hate rejection. Besides, if you've gotta tell someone you love them before they'll tell you they love you, then what's the point? They should love you for what you are -first-. Otherwise it looks like coaching. They could just be saying it to be polite. You never know unless they tell you first.
The problem is, people aren't coming up to you and telling you they love you. Jerks. Everyone else is happy and in love, why can't you be? "Because people don't love you," says that nasty voice in the back of your head. "Because you're unlovable. Because no one will ever love you. Never. For all Eternity."
People don't love you? Fine. You'll show them. You'll prove to them that you don't need love. Nope, you're strong. You can go for all Eternity without love. You're a big, tough demon, you don't need affection...and you fool yourself into believing it. That is, until you see people who are happily in love.
They have something you don't. Something you can never have, -will- never have. Boy, does it piss you off. It gets you so mad, you could wring the neck of each lovebird in your hands, and with their dying breath, they'd - -finally- stop thinking about each other and pay some attention to -you-....
Waaaait a moment.
They won't love you, but you can think up all sorts of ways of getting attention. And attention is really what you want, isn't it? People will be thinking of you constantly. It's love without that messy emotional involvement crap.
So you start following the woman, and you do it in such a way that she knows you're following her. All of a sudden, you're the focal point of her attention! It feels gooood. You want more.
Soon you start doing things to get her pay more attention to you. Little things, like rifling through her underwear drawer. Every time she gets dressed, she'll think of you. When she pays too much attention to that damnable cat of hers, you take it away from her. You give it back, though. In pieces. That'll teach her to pay attention to something other than you.
It's about attention. It's about control. It's about owning somone, body and soul. Breaking her spirit so that you can do anything you want to her, so that she's yours, all -yours-, dammit, and no one else's.
Then, after a while, it gets....boring. There's no fear in her eyes anymore. No terror, no indignation, just bland acceptance of the next atrocity you decide to inflict on her. She'll do whatever you want, be whatever you want, let you do whatever you want....and it'll be completely emotionless.
That isn't how it's supposed to be, dammit! The emotions are what makes it -fun-. Fear, loathing, hatred....they're what turn you on. That and the sense of power you get when you force her to do something she doesn't want to do. When she doesn't care...well, that's when she doesn't matter any more.
You gave her one last thorough going-over for old times sake, then tossed her into the tree chipper -- alive. Her screams were the nicest going-away present she could have given you. But that's in the past now, and you're ready to find someone new....maybe a redhead today....
-- Casca, Seraph of Archives (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Rev. Pee Kitty, of the order Malkavian-Dobbsian Meow!
::: Thinking about a Tampa Bay Devival in the future - email me! ::: Or go to http://www.cris.com/~pkitty (hell, go there anyways!)
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