Blank Cards

1. Employ as a talisman to ward off giant crawdads.
2. Insert between bicycle spokes to make that "fwip, fwip, fwip" noise.
3. Wrap a deckful in tinfoil and leave it in a friend's freezer.
4. Use to get blank money from blank ATM machines.
5. Leave at crime scenes.
6. Use a stack to level off that wobbly old table.
7. Leave one with your tip at a restaurant to impress the attractive waitstaff. (Optional: Write your phone number on it first.)
8. Hold two up to your mouth and make whistling noises.
9. Leave as a bookmark in an appropriate place (Federal Registry, Gideon Bible, etc.).
10. Six words: Dr. Tung's 3-D House of Cards!
11. Tape them together into a giant pyramid and fly it like a kite. When the sky darkens, wait for further instructions.
12. Draw a rectangle on the card. Ask celebrities to autograph it, but impress upon them that they must not mark outside the rectangle.
13. Slip them into your favorite psychic's tarot deck.
14. Walk around with a set in your hands shouting, "Waitaminute! This was no boating accident!"
15. Place your cards in a circle around you. "They" cannot get to you while the circle remains unbroken.
16. Cut some into flowers and give them to your beloved. Pretty flowers. Dark, twisted flowers.
17. Fend off attackers with Deadly Ninja Throwing Cards.
18. Bid as ante.
19. Concentrate on the card. Feel it grow cold in your hand.
20. Six words: Not just for breakfast, any more.
21. Show the back of one to an opponent, then stick it blank side out to his sweaty forehead. Ask him to guess which one it is. Laugh.
22. Make them into blank grunge jewelry. Accessorize.
23. These cards lose their radioactivity only in the presence of open flames. Convince others.
24. Frame and mat them. Invite modern art critics over for a showing. (Put out cheese and crackers - they love art shows that do that.)
25. Pull out of your jacket when you can't get a seat on a crowded bus. Shout, "They're blank. Blank, I tell you!" Laugh. Shake uncontrollably. Take any available seat.
26. Go to a party and hand one to whoever answers the door. Look annoyed no matter what they do.
27. Persuade friends these are ultra-Rare, misprinted Crystal Skulls. If they don't believe you, hold one tight to your chest and whisper softly, "Crystal Skull, Crystal Skull. I love you."
28. Use in play. Claim they are special "Freak Blizzard" Disaster cards (Instant Attack, Power 30) from the new issue of Pyramid.
29. Turn a stack into a blank animation flip book.
30. Four words: They make great pets.
31. Use in a poker game. Everything's wild!
32. Use as money in prison.
33. Lick one. Exclaim to a friend, "They're blank, except for the flying monkeys!"
34. Use as your Illuminati group. Special Goal: blank cards count double toward victory conditions!
35. Just a hint: a thick enough stack will stop a bullet.
36. Clip to your 1040EZ instead of a W-2. Apply for a passport, first.
37. Use to purchase small household items. If cashier gives you any guff, flash one and tell him he's under arrest. Go find local constables.
38. Play "Pick a Card, Any Card." Amaze your friends by guessing which card they drew.
39. Hold one over each eye; stare blankly.
40. Two words: More fiber.
41. Squash flies, one per card. Save, collect, trade!
42. Tear one in half. Give one side to a stranger. Say, "The rest is yours when the parrot dies."
43. In a Cheating Game, switch them for someone's face-down Plots.
44. Hand two to a friend and ask, "Do these look the same to you? Take your time."
45. Seal in a bottle and toss in the ocean, the lake, a swimming pool, a sandbox . . .
46. Mail one to the President. (Send blank Plots, write your ideas on them.)
47. Play 412-card pickup.
48. Print your business cards on them. Impress your friends.
49. Forge Secret Service credentials on one, gain access to game companies everywhere.
50. One Word: Origami!

Yes, one of the cards has a different front, but you don't need to know which one...