Le Adventure Humanitie Moetic

By Moe Lane



4 to 6 Six-Force Soldier PCs, somewhat seasoned
1 Six-Force Soldier of the Media
1 Generic Five-Force Government Agent NPC, mildly seasoned (for best results, remove most of the Government from the NPC before cooking)
20 to 50 Five-Force NPCs, aged but unseasoned
3 to 5 quarts standard Adventure Stock
Plot Garnish (see below)
1 Wiretap
1 Sprig of Parsley


Your Soldiers should be carefully cleaned of any residual Celestial influences before use: any more than a hint of Angelic or Diabolical seasoning will wreck the delicate flavor of this dish. It is suggested, in fact, that the cook use no Angels or Demons for the main dish. The Soldiers may be acquired pre-seasoned.

Take your Soldiers and steep them in one quart of the stock. Periodically drain stock (which may reused) and refill. For best results, include the mildly seasoned Five-Force NPC (do not chop) for a brief time, in order to blend the various flavors.

Meanwhile, prepare the Soldier of the Media and the Plot Garnish. For best results, the Soldier of the Media should be thoroughly cleaned of any lingering Diabolical additions prior to cooking. Do not use Soldiers that have had a Diabolical Force added: while more common than fully natural 6-Force Soldiers, this will have unfortunate effects on the final flavor. Coat the prepared Media Soldier with the Plot Garnish:

Plot Garnish

One confidence game (a pyramid scheme that involves a complicated method to redeem IRA retirement accounts easily and ahead of schedule)
6 Units, Lying Skill
6 Units, Emote
2 Units, Charisma
16 to 20 Units of Skills and Corporeal Songs to taste (recommended additions: 3 Units of Ranged Weapon (rifle) and 3 Units Corporeal Song of Shields)

In a saucepan, place the Unseasoned NPCs and add the recycled stock. Let steep. Without draining the stock, add the Garnished Soldier of the Media. Put under low heat and let simmer. When NPCs begin to clump around the Soldier of the Media, add Wiretap and 5-Force NPC. Stir briefly and remove 5-Force NPC. Raise heat on saucepan and cover.

Take 5-Force NPC and add to bowl containing steeping Soldiers. Once NPC has been allowed to steep in bowl, the Soldiers must quickly be added to saucepan (5-Force NPC may be safely discarded at this time). Turn up heat and stir constantly: try to keep the Wiretap from touching any of the Soldiers for long periods of time. Especial care must be taken to keep the introduction of the Soldiers to the mix from damaging one or more aged NPCs: violent stirring will wreck the dish.

Careful stirring should result in the Soldier of the Media starting to dissolve: if the Media Soldier persists in retaining consistency, a discreet dash of the appropriate Celestial seasoning may be used (again, be careful not to overuse). Do not worry if a 6-Force Soldier or two likewise dissolves: this merely adds a piquant taste to the final dish.

Once the Soldier of the Media has been completely dissolved, remove from heat immediately and drain. Serve piping hot with parsley, Fritos and carbonated soda on the side.

Serves Four to Six players.


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