Sorcerers of Dark Humor

By James Walker


You didn't think that Kobal would let Kronos keep something with so much potential, did you? Here are a few rituals Kobal has commissioned, and hands out to his Servitors Servants, other Sorcerers - and to Laurence's Exorcists, if they want them:

Humiliation (Command/Special)

The Sorcerer's opponent in a Will-War gains a penalty to his Will equal to the Sorcerer's Celestial Forces if he is being jeered at. This penalty lasts only for the Sorcerer's next Will-War; if the opponent is not being jeered at, the ritual fades away. The opponent may make a Will roll to resist, at a penalty equal to the number of people successfully mocking him (a successful Emote skill roll is required to be considered sufficiently mocking). The level of the ritual depends on the creature to be mocked, and is the same as that required to Banish the opponent (if facing anther Sorcerer, it only requires Command/1).

Time: 15 minutes
Essence: 7 minus the check digit

Inopportunity Knocks (Command/3)

Performed on a creature the Sorcerer has just Summoned, this ritual grants a penalty to resisting being Summoned again equal to the CD; however this only applies if the being is in embarrassing circumstances. If the target fails his initial Will roll against the Summons, but makes the roll to delay answering the Summons, the this ritual kicks in the moment the target is in a circumstance which will make answering the Summons embarrassing (eg while intimidating a subordinate, in the bath, while speaking with their Prince, etc).

The target may make a Will roll to resist being affected by this ritual when it is performed; further, failing this ritual exposes the Sorcerer to a Will-War. However, this ritual is normally only performed on a being the Sorcerer has just defeated in a Will-War, making this point moot.

Time: 15 Minutes
Essence: the check digit

Sorcery: The Musical (Command/2)

This ritual takes advantage of the truism that a slave gan be driven to work much harder than a free being would consider possible. The ritual can only be performed on one of the Sorcerer's Servants; if Servant makes an appropriate skill roll before performing a Song, he gains a bonus to the Song performance roll equal to the CD of the skill roll, but take a number of Mind Hits damage equal to his level as a Servant. The appropriate skills are: For Corporeal Songs, Dancing; and for Celestial Songs, Singing. For Ethereal Songs, the Servant must both Sing and Dance (using the highest CD). If the skill roll is failed, the Servant takes additional Mind hits equal to the CD; for Ethereal Songs, it is possible to both gain a bonus to the Song and take the additional Mind hits as damage.

The ritual lasts for a number of days equal to the CD; it can be resisted with a Will roll (the Servant's Will is doubled for resisting this ritual), not that it matters.

Time: 1 hour
Essence: the check digit

Strip Tease (Exorcism/2)

[Check Digit] minor items - car keys, wallets, underwear etc - on the target's Vessel are 'pushed sideways' to another of the target's Vessels, requiring the target to change Vessels to recover the items (if the target only has one Vessel, the items appear midair and clatter to the ground the next time the target goes celestial). Surface clothing is not affected unless no other items remain; if surface clothing is affected then it is (if possible) replaced with an item of clothing from another Vessel. As this can result in trousers being replaced by a skirt, high heels by work boots or even a dress being replaced by a dog collar, Kobalites try to be around whenever this ritual is performed. The target can resist the ritual with a Will roll *if* they detect the disturbance caused by the ritual - Sorcerers prefer to perform this ritual with the aid of binoculars or from behind the protection of the Celestial Song of Shields. If they do not detect the disturbance, they will have no way of detecting what has happened, or where their possessions have gone.

Time: 1 minute
Essence: the check digit

Transform Demon(ling) to Pumpkin (Banishment/3 or /6)

The Sorcerer rolls Exorcism+Summon; if successful, the targeted demon(ling) must make a Will roll at a penalty equal to the CD or be catapulted into Limbo. [The target adds their Celestial Forces to the Will roll unless the demon(ling)'s true name is used - which increases the ritual to Banishment/6). Once in Limbo the target will immediately realise that the base cost for creating a new Vessel has been increase by the CD of the ritual (ie the cost is [15+CD]*creature Forces*Vessel level). However, for CD rounds, they have the option of gaining a pumpkin Vessel for free (with a level equal to the CD, maximum 6). Smart demons will want to give the pumpkin a mouth or eyes; this requires a successful Artistry roll (almost certainly at default) - a CD of 6 will even allow them to give the pumpkin tiny legs, allowing the pumpkin to move one foot a round. Failing the roll will normally create a Halloween pumpkin.

Of course, there is nothing to stop the demon(ling) changing Vessels, which is the main reason for accepting the pumpkin Vessel. Rumours of variant on this ritual exist: supposedly turning the target into a carrot, mushroom or radish. Given the difficulty of performing this ritual, probably only members of The Dozen know more than one variant.

Time: 1 hour
Essence: 3 times the check digit

Zombify Vampire (Necromancy/4)

A successful roll of Enchantment+Necromancy unwinds the stabilisation ritual which created the vampire, causing the target to continue losing Forces until they become a zombi. The vampire may resist with a Will roll; even if this fails the vampire may counter this ritual by accepting levels of Discord equal to the CD: the vampire can either increase existing levels of Discord or accept random Discord. If taken at random, roll d6 on the following table:

  1. Oblivious
  2. Obsession (Megalomaniac speeches)
  3. Obsession (Playing pipe organs)
  4. Obsessive Compulsive
  5. Oozing (Campy)
  6. Paranoia

Time: 1 minute
Essence: The vampire's Forces times 2, minus the CD


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