Memo to the Troops

By James Walker


To all Servitors heading to the Corporeal for the first time:

Congratulations on your posting! You have been assigned your tasks; you will either succeed or die. Either is acceptable, and you should feel proud if you achieve both. While you work out which you're going to do, bear the following in mind:

Other Words, even friendly Words like The War & Dark Humor, do not fully understand the fundamental significance of Death, and its glorious importance. Be sure to make them understand - the following techniques work well:

Demons of FIRE are usually skilled at manufacturing flammable materials; one favourite is called "wet mix thermite" (no, I don't know why something that burns it referred to as wet. Or if I do, you're not cleared to know why). Gutting an otherwise useless zombi and filling its torso with this or a similar chemical to use as a mobile bomb can be mutually beneficial. Ensure that for every zombi you manufacture for this purpose you receive both a replacement corpse (insist on one which died of smoke inhalation - FIRE has no idea of how to treat a corpse) and the essence necessary for animation. Creative use of these 'fire-zombis' has earned a number of Necromancers rites from the Demon of Spontaneous Human Combustion. Demons of THE WAR are valuable for their tactical advice. Combined missions by Death, Fire and The War are invariably lead by the Warriors, as they have a commendable understanding of how to ensure maximum fatalities, and can be brought to understand the logistical concerns involved in recovering bodies from contested territory. Failure to fulfil your role in a mission lead by The War will result in your execution. Exciting, isn't it!

Demons of DARK HUMOR are normally very creative at finding ways for humans to die. Naturally you must make it very clear that if they practice their Word on you, you will practice yours on them. Once this is understood, going along with their sometimes obscure schemes is worthwhile.

Fire & Dark Humor - despite their mutual hostility, it is easy to get these demons to appreciate your presence. I recommend zombifying a corpse due to be cremated; order it to do nothing until cremation begins and then sit up and start screaming. Both Words appreciate this and like to be present to watch the reactions of human observers; further this can occur naturally to a corpse so the secrecy of the War has not been violated.

Demons of GLUTTONY - These strange allies have an annoying tendency to keep humans alive; fattening them for slaughter is perhaps understandable (if distasteful) - letting them eat is not. They can frequently be persuaded to cause humans to starve to death by eating relief supplies - this is productive, as the starvation corpses can be used to fulfil the Needs of Undead. Humans they eat are gone forever, of course, but we must accept their right to kill humans whenever and however they please. Some things are simply too important to challenge. Ensure that every Glutton keeps a human as a "food-taster" this is someone who checks food for poisons by eating it. Then ensure that one of your underlings poisons his food. Watching his food-taster drop dead encourages the Glutton to listen to you; besides, it's aesthetically pleasing, and the food-taster makes an excellent zombi. Gluttons are usually skilled poisoners - proof that their hearts are in the right place, even if their bellies are unreliable.

Lilim of FREEDOM - These strange demons profess to dislike to us; at the same time they tend to be running abortion clinics and will make a deal with us at the drop of a hat. Offering to help them break a mass-murderer out of jail is usually a good way to begin a working relationship; they can be counted on to encourage free access to weapons. As I said, strange demons, but they are productive, no matter what their motivations.


Demons of LUST - Sex is an incredibly inefficient way to kill someone. It does have one use, however - humans consider it an acceptable reason to kill someone (yes, humans want reasons!). If you know a human's name, storming up, screaming "sleep with my lover will you, you bastard", killing them and then leaving is a simple way to spread the Word of Death and harm Lust. Zombifying groups of Lustful humans and sending them out to 'pack rape' other humans is usually enough to wrest control of a potential Tether from Lust - so long as the zombis are clearly dead. If you must use a Lustie in a mission threaten to kill them if they disobey you - then, when you are finished with them, say that you detected their intended treachery and then kill them anyway.

Demons of FACTIONS, FATE, NIGHTMARES, THE MEDIA and THEFT - these no-hopers like to claim that civil wars and so on are the result of their efforts. The fact that the Warriors despise them is proof that this is untrue. They are of no use and are not a threat - they should be ignored unless killing them is convenient.

Demons of THE GAME - The Executioners mean well; all they really want to do is kill demons on trumped-up charges. Sadly, they lack dedication to the cause and are easily bought off. They do have their uses; firstly, they can be bought off with proof of treason in other demons (and will cheerfully execute the patsy - bless 'em) and secondly, they frequently have Roles as lawyers. Getting a zombi to "change his will" leaving all their money to their 'illegitimate child' (you) and getting the Gamester to handle the legal aspects is productive, as it strengthens your Role and keeps the Gamester busy extracting money from the estate. On very rare occasions, you will actually get some money from the estate; spend it immediately - you won't be able to keep it.

Demons of TEHCNOLOGY - Dealing with these idiots is annoying - and painful. Don't forget that they stole the ability to make zombis! Scum. Demons of Fire are our best supply of Technological devices; having zombis test the devices in return for getting a given percentage of the devices is one of the traditional means of acquiring them. The other is to kill Vapulans, of course - the fact that the Game will kill you if you are caught doing this should spur you to new heights of creativity.

Demon of Suicide Missions,
Marquis of Death.


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