Superior Artifact: Maurice's Bag

By Moe Lane


There are actually quite a few of these: the Demon Prince of Heresy usually carries around with him a satchel or overnight bag. Unfortunately, what with the standard Calabite entropy field present at all times (at Superior level, no less), it's a rare bag that lasts more than a week. When that happens, Maurice will swear a bit, do some quick and dirty repairs... and hand the bag over to the next celestial he sees with an irritated "Here".

As of yet, nobody has dared refuse the 'gift'.

The first property of the Bag is that it becomes effectively indestructible once it leaves Maurice's side (although the original damage cannot ever be repaired): furthermore, the new owner will never, ever lose it - no matter how hard he or she might try. This includes Trauma and Limbo: naturally, the artifact manifests on all three planes. The mechanism by which the Bag stays with its new owner is never overt: the relic is just somehow always around.

The second property of the Bag is its contents. All Bags come with a legal-sized notepad, two or three pencils and pens, a variety of loose change and two or three books. Needless to say, it is impossible to write anything True on the notepad or with the pencils or pens, the change includes coins for countries that haven't existed in centuries and/or have never existed and the books are all on either Asmodeus', Dominic's, Kronos' or Yves' Restricted lists (sometimes, all four). Also needless to say, getting rid of any of these items is effectively impossible, too.

The third property is the really interesting one, in the Chinese sense of the term. The owner can stuff anything into this artifact that can fit through the opening - and that means anything. No one has found an upper limit to capacity: no matter how much is put in, the Bag stays at a steady weight of about ten pounds. This would be greatly useful, except anything that is put into the relic will come out of it changed, to a type and degree equal to the current mood and inherent cruelty of the GM. Anything changed in this manner can never be transformed back.

Bags are technically, kind-of-sort-of living artifacts: this manifests itself as mostly a desire to have things put into it. If the owner doesn't on a regular basis, it will look for things to 'eat' and later regurgitate on its own. It won't actually attack anything living - or at least, nobody's ever seen one attack somebody - but watching a Bag stalk and swallow (for example) a toaster is not nearly as amusing as one would think and a whole lot more disturbing.

Some celestials who have received Bags have just tried to use them as permanent memory holes, but that experiment never ends well: anything left in the artifact for too long will end up crawling out of the Bag under its own power, usually at the most inappropriate time possible. Whether anyone has ever tried to put anything living into a Bag is unknown: it's certainly possible, but the utter lack of even solid rumor about the results is indicative of something.

Cost: Don't be absurd.


Back to the INC Mainpage.
Back to the Artifacts page.

Send mail to the Curator