Ninja Evangelical Squads

By Various Authors

Moe Lane:

Eric Bertish wrote:

> For some reason, the thought of Laurentine evangelical squads
> is perversely appealing.

Especially in your Darker campaigns:

"No, no, no: I'm not talking about life after death..." (sound of flaming sword materializing) "...I'm talking about life instead of death."

(pause)

But that's possibly a little too Dark, eh? Hmmm...

"Hi. Oh, stop cowering: if I was going to kill you, I would have. Anyway, here's the argument. I'm the most overpowering thing that you've ever seen, right?

"Well, I react the same way to Jesus Christ. You do the math."

(another pause)

No, that would give Khalid the screaming meamies.

I know, we'll go use Michael's guys instead...

"SURE, THEY TOLD YOU THAT CHRIST CLEANSED THE TEMPLE OF MONEYCHANGERS, BUT DID THEY TELL YOU THAT HE HAD A SH*TEATING GRIN ON HIS FACE THE ENTIRE TIME? NO! THEY COMPLETELY NEGLECTED TO MENTION THAT LITTLE DETAIL, THE MILKSOPS..."

(random automatic weapons fire)

Arrgh. This is just not working out.

Cameron McCurry:

How about Gabriel's people?

"OK, look. I'm going to take the gag out of your mouth. If I hear anything other than your repentance, I'll just have to keep you there a bit longer. Now remember; none of that screaming either."

err..hmmm..

*Looks at angels of Flowers or Trade for help*

William J. Keith:

This is why we get humans to do the work.

*Knock knock*

*door opens*

"Hi! I'm Marty!"

"And I'm Edward!"

"We're with Heaven -- you should be too!"

*door closes*

"I don't think he's listening, Marty."

"I agree, Edward. But we need to get past this door first."

"Hang on. I think I've got one... ah, here we are."

*WHOOSH* of flaming sword

*CRUNCH* *SNAP* *CRACKLE*

"Hi there! Remember us?"

"We care about your salvation!"

"Now I'd like to talk to you a moment about Jesus Christ..."

In a Silly campaign, this could be perfectly normal for your more gung-ho Christian Archangels, with Khalid's boys giving them tips on conversion by fire, sword, or both. In a Dark campaign, this would pretty much work the same, except the humans are a lot more fanatical and have much less tolerance for those who say "No." In a Normal campaign, a small but rapidly-growing group (suitably armed with a cache of Flaming Swords and various other nifty Relics) could be under the influence of a Habbalite of Dark Humor seeking to give missionaries a bad name -- or a Habbalite of Nightmares leading a cult of humans demanding that they fear God and get others to do the same or die.

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