Interview with the Calabim

By Leath Sheales (


Heh, heh. So you want to know what it's like to be a Calabite? Well, I can tell you, it's the coolest. All this stuff to break, just Whizz! Bang! Pop! and something goes Boom! What? You want to know 'bout the Fall. Okay. Hang on, my glass has a crack in it, can I get a new one? Thanks.

Well, you've probably asked others what happened to them in the Fall, so I'm not going to talk about Lucifer and all that, except to say that he promised freedom and he delivered. Now I don't think he knew how it was going to work out, but it worked, and that's fine by me.

Back in Heaven I was an Ofanite, obviously. Now these damn Wheels of Fire are always move, move, move. Drives you crazy just to talk to one, you try being one. But what most people don't realise is that when you're Ofanim, you can't sit still and have a quiet think. You've got this thing inside you, like a hungry parasite, gnawing at your insides. And the only way to keep it happy and distracted is to move. Run, jump, fall, it doesn't matter, the thing just wants movement and random energy, so you have to obey or your soul gets ripped apart. Now if that's not enough evidence that God's a complete bastard, I don't know what is.

So some of us rebelled and Fell. Now everyone knows about Discord. Fractures in your soul, they call it. But they don't know the half of it. Now your stinkin' lying Balseraph or paranoid Djinn might cringe at the thought of this 'stain' on their soul, but the Calabim know better. To us we can see the truth that it's a release. See, God made this parasite and caged it inside us as Ofanim, but those of us who 'suffered' Discord realised that we'd cracked the cage. Now we had the crack, we could let the parasite out. But that wasn't the end of it. Once we let it out it could run around by itself, giving us a moment's peace. But we saw that it could be useful, use God's infection against Him, so we leashed it, chained it to us. Now it obeys our commands, doesn't force us to obey it. We say "break something" and it happily runs over and infects the thing with its mad energy, making its molecules move, breaking it apart. So that's what it's like to be a Calabite. We're the frontline in Hell, taking God's fight to him, even if we have to tear His creation apart.

Anyway, I've gotta go. The boss wants a building down by this afternoon, and that sounds like a damn good job to me. Hmm, this glass has a crack in it as well. I wouldn't come to this place again, they obviously don't care enough to check their stuff.

By Leath Sheales.


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