Movie: Roomates

by Redneck Gaijin

[He may yet change this title -- but I needed something for the filename. --arcangel]

<SCENE: Martin picking up a trail of clothes, working down to underwear (male and female), opening a door and throwing them in.>

MARTIN: You forgot these.

VOICE: Thanks.


NARRATION: Martin didn't exactly have the perfect roommate...


<SCENE: Martin and a man with long dark hair, both wearing threadbare street clothes, walking down a hall.>

MARTIN: How in the hell am I going to get the deposit back on the apartment when you paint a mural of a naked woman on your bedroom wall?!?


<SCENE: Martin blinks as the long-haired guy swishes water around in a glass, and it turns a dark purple.>

NARRATION: But he's about to discover just how perfect his roommate really is.


MARTIN: You just turned that water into wine.

ELI: No I didn't.

MARTIN: Yes you did!

ELI: No I didn't. (waves a hand; the kitchen faucet turns itself on, and a rich red liquid rushes out) That's wine.


<SCENE: Three men in suits and dark glasses, with enormous guns in their hands, stand outside the apartment door.>

NARRATION: And when company comes calling...


MALAKIM in BLACK: Eli, are you in there?

<SCENE: Eli slapping stuff into a suitcase at hyperspeed.>

MALAKIM in BLACK'S VOICE: Come peacefully, Eli, it'll look better on your record...

NARRATION: ... it's time for this angel to spread his wings and fly.


<SCENE: Eli and Martin run through a field, huge blasts of blue-white fire arcing over their heads.>

MARTIN (VOICEOVER) Let me get this straight...

<SCENE: Eli and Martin in a fast food place.>

MARTIN: ... you're an Archangel, and another Archangel's sent his goons to kill you?

ELI: Well...

<SCENE: camera pans up the dark-cowled form of Dominic, six red eyes glaring menacingly from the hood.>

ELI (VOICEOVER): Dominic's not excactly the "I'm okay, you're okay" kind of person.


<SCENE: Martin and Eli huddle beneath a park bench as Malakim in Black and Calabim in Denim throw massive fireworks at each other.>

NARRATION: They're on the run from Heaven and Hell, with nothing to protect them beside their friendship....


<SCENE: Martin in Eli's face, cut into a rapid-fire montage of Martin in deadly peril from one side or the other.>

MARTIN: Because of you, I've been beat up, blown up, thrown up, laid up, and torn up by angels, demons, and a crazy maitre'D with a Hungarian accent!!

ELI (shrugs): Well, you're alive... aren't you?


<SCENE: Martin and Eli in Notre Dame Cathederal, with Angels lining the pews, and a menangerie of Archangels seated at one end.>

NARRATION: ... but through it all, they'll stick together...


<SCENE: Martin and Eli in an airport terminal.>

ELI: You don't have to come with me, you know.


NARRATION: ...because they're roommates.


MARTIN: Yes I do. You still owe me fifty bucks on last month's rent.


--- Redneck


Kris Overstreet, will write for food... | "It's Christmas in Heaven,   |       there's great shows on TV;
c/o White Lightning Productions         | the Sound of Music twice an hour      |       and Jaws I, II and III."
Webmaster for Antarctic Press           | --- A Nybbas Christmas         |  ***QUESTION EVERYTHING***

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