This customer feedback card pretends to be from McDonnell-Douglas, but we know better, don't we?
McDonnell Douglas AIRCRAFT-SPACE SYSTEMS-MISSILES Important! Important! Please fill out and mail this card within 10 days of purchase! Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires. 1. _Mr. _Mrs. _Ms. _Miss _Lt. _Gen. _Comrade _Classified _Other First Name____________________Initial____Last Name_________________________ Latitude________________________Longitude__________________________________ Altitude________________________Password, Code Name, Etc.__________________ 2. Which model aircraft did you purchase? _F-14 Tomcat _F-15 Eagle _F-16 Falcon _F-19A Stealth _Classified 3. Date of purchase: Month___________Day___________Year____________ 4. Serial Number____________________ 5. Please check where this product was purchased: ___ Received as Gift/Aid Package ___ Catalog Showroom ___ Sleazy Arms Broker ___ Mail Order ___ Discount Store ___ Government Surplus ___ Classified 6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased: ___ Heard loud noise, looked up ___ Store Display ___ Espionage ___ Recommended by friend/relative/ally ___ Political lobbying by Manufacturer ___ Was attacked by one 7. Please check the three (3) factors which most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product: ___ Style/Appearance ___ Kickback/Bribe ___ Recommended by salesperson ___ Speed/Maneuverability ___ Comfort/Convenience ___ McDonnell Douglas Reputation ___ Advanced Weapons Systems ___ Price/Value ___ Back-Room Politics ___ Negative experience opposing one in combat 8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used: ___ North America ___ Central/South America ___ Aircraft Carrier ___ Europe ___ Middle East ___ Africa ___ Asia/Far East ___ Misc. Third-World Countries ___ Classified 9. Please check the products that you currently own, or intend to purchase in the near future: Product Own Intend to purchase Color TV VCR ICBM Killer Satellite CD Player Air-to-Air Missiles Space Shuttle Home Computer Nuclear Weapon 10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? Check all that apply: ___ Communist/Socialist ___ Terrorist ___ Crazed (Islamic) ___ Crazed (Other) ___ Neutral ___ Democratic ___ Dictatorship ___ Corrupt (Latin American) ___ Corrupt (Other) ___ Primitive/Tribal 11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product? ___ Cash ___ Suitcases of Cocaine ___ Oil Revenues ___ Deficit Spending ___ Personal Check ___ Credit Card ___ Ransom Money ___ Traveler's Check 12. Occupation You Your Spouse Homemaker Sales/Marketing Revolutionary Clerical Mercenary Tyrant Middle Management Eccentric Billionaire Defense Minister/General Retired Student 13. To help us understand our Customers' lifestyles, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis: Activity/Interest You Your Spouse Golf Boating/Sailing Sabotage Running/Jogging Propaganda/Disinformation Destabilizing/Overthrow Default on Loans Gardening Crafts Black Market/Smuggling Collectibles/Collections Watching Sports on TV Wines Interrogation/Torture Household Pets Crushing Rebellions Espionage/Reconnaissance Fashion Clothing Border Disputes Mutually Assured Destruction Thanks for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future -- as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia. Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to: McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION Marketing Department Military Aerospace Division P.O. Box 800 St. Louis, MO 55500