Excessively Violent Tactics For Illuminati
by Tom Warner
As told to #427-9996 (after 8 P.M., 427-9420) by a representative of the Society of Assassins
How to oppose the Gnomes of Zurich:
They can sit still with one group and accumulate money until they win, or in a very long game, circumvent anything by using money.
The solution: shoot the player in the foot with a high-caliber weapon. This should stop him cold.
How to oppose the Bavarian Illuminati:
The most powerful and subversive group. They can pick up uncontrolled groups with no competition by spending 5MB for a privileged attack. They can easily be stopped by two tactics:
- If you are playing in close quarters, don't bathe or use deodorant for at least a week in advance. This can be used against any group.
- Holding a member of the player's family until he promises to give his most powerful groups to you and assist you in any way possible.
How to oppose the Servants of Cthulhu:
Really cheap group with an offense capability. Tranquilizer darts are a good bet here.
How to oppose the Bermuda Triangle:
Best for their restructuring capability. The combination of The Mafia and The Bermuda Triangle capturing something and reorganizing it to another area can be devastating. But not, obviously, as devasting as a shotgun blast to the shoulder.
The Discordian Society:
Not a very good group. Whoever lives by the weird, dies by the weird. Or at least injured. Whoopee cushions filled with tear gas should be enough. And don't forget to buy gas masks for your allies and yourself.
Note: These tactics should only be used with very good friends or defenseless and non-grudging enemies. All of these can be done back to you, so be careful and try not to cause casualties.
There, now, wasn't that fun?