It's more powerful than France!
The INWO-cards mailing list has a favourite pet hate: cards that are More Powerful Than France. France has Power 3, Resistance 5; here's a helpfully collected list of all the official cards with more power, and why.
- Seth Cohen (firstname.lastname@example.org)
- Sam Kington (email@example.com)
- Don Fnordlioni (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Unlimited Edition cards
Seth Cohen's initial rant, which set the whole thing off.
- Big Media (Power 4/4, Resistance 6)
- It's the entire power of the media. Without appropriate propaganda, Hitler would not have been able to come to power and crush France.
- Bill Clinton (Power 4, Resistance 2)
- He's the leader of the free world. He has the power to direct nuclear missiles anywhere he wants. Would you want to pick a fight with him?
- CIA (Power 6/4, Resistance 5)
- Okay, so they weren't able to assassinate Castro. Big deal. They know more about covert operations than France knows about cheese. It makes sense to me!
- California (Power 5, Resistance 4)
- If you haven't been, you won't understand. It's more than a thousand miles long, contains immense tracts of farmland, and huge industries (look at other cards that are *within* California!)
- CFL-AIO (Power 6, Resistance 5)
- They say that every city in America is less than a week away from starvation. The Teamsters keep our cities supplied with food. When they go on strike, problems start. If Teamsters in France go on strike, no one notices.
- China (Power 4, Resistance 4)
- They too have nuclear missiles. They also have a population of over 1 billion people. I wouldn't want to take them on in hand-to-hand combat.
- Clone Arrangers (Power 6/2, Resistance 6)
- They could replace everyone in France with an exact duplicate, and no one would notice. Not even the French. They're too busy smoking.
- Democrats (Power 6/5, Resistance 4)
- They have the loyalty, dubious though it is, of about half the population of the U.S. They make and break policy, and the President is a Democrat. I won't argue with it!
- F.B.I. (Power 4/2, Resistance 6)
- Not as powerful as the CIA, granted. Nevertheless, they've got nationwide coverage of the U.S., and they have all sorts of power. France? They control yeast.
- Federal Reserve (Power 5/3, Resistance 7)
- Controls money for the entire U.S. If they wanted to, they could seriously screw with the economy by issuing $pi notes.
- Germany (Power 4, Resistance 3)
- Well, duh. I don't even need to say anything here.
- IRS (Power 5/3, Resistance 5)
- So they can't get their website working. Would you want to bitch at them about this? I think not!--not if you don't want to get audited next year!
- Japan (Power 6/4, Resistance 8)
- Where were the parts on the computer you're using made? How about the stereo you're listening to? The tank you're driving? (oops . . . didn't mean to say that.)
- Lawyers (Power 4/3, Resistance 1)
- Not much more Powerful than France, thankfully. They're the scum of the earth, and if you call them names, they will descend upon you like locusts on wheat. Oops.
- The Mafia (Power 6, Resistance 7)
- They control organized crime. Not all of it, but a certain percentage of it is international. They've been doing it for centuries. France? Red wine?
- Multinational Oil Companies (Power 6/4, Resistance 4)
- Remember the 1970's? Oil crisis? If you don't, you can't make commentary here. Suffer.
- NSA (Power 5/2, Resistance 4)
- They lie somewhere between the CIA and FBI, but they're also reading this message *right now*!
- New York (Power 7, Resistance 8)
- New Yorkers go to France, get treated rudely. Frenchmen go to New York, get shot.
- Nuclear Power Companies (Power 4, Resistance 4)
- I wouldn't want to go up against them. I don't want to glow in the dark. I like my not having cancer if I can help it. I won't fight them!
- Pentagon (Power 6, Resistance 6)
- Again we come back to nuclear missles. Yes, France is nuclear. Nevertheless, they can't even explode a bomb without the entire globe knowing about it. Anyone hear about the Pentagon's tests recently?
- Phone Company (Power 5/3, Resistance 6)
- If they didn't have the power, you would not now be receiving this message. We wouldn't know if France was still there if their phones got shut off.
- Post Office (Power 4/3, Resistance 3)
- Well, they're slower than UPS or Federal Express. However, they are heavily armed. When Germany invaded France, the French had kept records of everyone who owned guns, and the Germans went and disarmed them. Do you *know* if your postal worker is armed?
- Republicans (Power 5/4, Resistance 4)
- Same as the Democrats, but less powerful because of a combination of Newt Gingrich and Bob Dole. If that's the *best* they have to offer, the Democrats have nothing to fear . . . except the Kennedy reputation.
- Russia (Power 4, Resistance 5)
- Like China, but with bigger resources and fewer people. Also, the Russian people are notoriously paranoid, and heavily armed. The French are just as drunk but not as dangerous.
- South American Nazis (Power 4/1, Resistance 6)
- They still know how to deal with France. Deal with it.
- Texas (Power 6, Resistance 6)
- It's the only U.S. State that's also it's own republic. It could secede and there'd be nothing the U.S. (or France, for that matter) could do about it.
- Tobacco Companies (Power 4, Resistance 3)
- Their power won't last, but many of the French smoke. Their power will last longer than that of the smokers.
- Triliberal Commission (Power 5, Resistance 6)
- They're just loaded with leading liberals and their loyal leftist lackeys. So is France, but are they alliterative?
- Vatican City (Power 4/4, Resistance 6)
- The Pope's got a direct line to God. Wanna argue? I thought not, damn you.
- Wall Street (Power 4, Resistance 3)
- All global stock dealings? If stocks go down in France, do people jump off the Eiffel Tower? No! That's because we don't hold stock in France! They can't even defend themselves against the Prussians!
Assassins cards, and Unlimited Edition using stricter rules
Sam Kington responded to several requests to duplicate the list for Assassins cards.
- The Green Party (Power 4/2, Resistance 5)
- When the French tried to blow up their boat, they got caught. When they tried to blow up an island, everyone moaned.
- Teddy Kennedy (Power 4, Resistance 4)
- The French got rid of their last monarch in 1870. No one has yet managed to get rid of Teddy.
If we use the INWO Homebrew rules ("even just marginally more powerful than France" rule here, i.e. more than 3/0 power, or more than 5 resistance), we also have the following cards that are More Powerful Than France:
- Drug Companies (Power 3/3, Resistance 3)
- The French consume more tranquilisers, sleeping pills and other such cocktails with definately no side effect than any other country in the world.
- Australia (Power 3, Resistance 6*)
- See the Green Party. (NB: The Rainbow Warrior was, of course, blown up in New Zealand.)
- Newt Gingrich (Power 3, Resistance 6)
- Newt Gingrich got Clinton re-elected. Do you think France could have pulled *that* one off?
These are touch and go, though, as are most of the ULE cards: cards that definately sound as if they should be more powerful than France include
- Israel (Power 3/3, Resistance 8)
- No economic worries, they're funded by the US, and they get to annoy everyone by having a peace conflict every so often.
- Madison Avenue (Power 3/3, Resistance 3)
- Working hard to promote brand recognition throughout the world, including France - and all those nice side-effects that go with this.
- Hollywood (Power 3/3, Resistance 0)
- The French are *always* complaining about these guys being too powerful.
- NATO (Power 3/2, Resistance 3)
- The French pulled out. Nobody cared. They're back in again. Still nobody cares.
- Silicon Valley (Power 3/2, Resistance 3)
- They make all of France's computers. When the French try and take over Apple, Apple compliantly goes bust.
- Empty Vee (Power 3/2, Resistance 3)
- France now has quotas for French-language music on TV and Radio. MTV are launching their French-language version.
I'm unsuree about the following:
- Stonehenge (Power 3/3, Resistance 4)
- Templars (Power 3, Resistance 6)
Those that are technically more powerful but don't really look it are:
Don Fnordlioni responded
Stonehenge (Power 3/3, Resistance 4)
Stonehenge: One of the most potent magical hotspots in the world, thousands of years old, an accurate celestial calander, and possibly designed by aliens or other non-human agents. The Eiffel Tower: Even they hate it. And it's still not finished.
Templars (Power 3, Resistance 6)
C'mon. The French have been trying to get rid of the Templars since 1188 -- not to mention the fact that the Templars, disguised as Masons disguised as the AISB, engineered the French Revolution (and don't get me started on the French Revolution. the Americans won thanks to Britian's little problem with supply lines, called the ATLANTIC OCEAN. The French couldn't squash a bunch of PEASANTS in their own CAPITAL. Talk about pathetic. Whoops, looks like I started . . . )
- Italy (Power 3, Resistance 6)
- France has fewer crooks, and they know they're better. If they were bothered, they could nuke Italy, or just shut down all the tunnels through the Alps.
Yeah, but the last time France took on a military campaign and succeeded (at least temporarily) was when Napolean, an Italian, ran the show. And it's been going downhill from there.
Besides, insult Frenchman's cooking, he'll just spit at you. Insult an Italian chef, and she'll beat you senseless.