Genuine Mr Suitcase, please help

Subject: re:so you want to be a big shot
Date: Mon, 30 Jun 1997 10:06:00 -0500
From: "Yeager, Alex"

Kevin charitably states:

The ultimate definition of a Mr. Suitcase is one who doesn't need to collect anymore. If you have three of every card imaginable then I would say you are most definitely a Mr. Suitcase.

Ah, but that doesn't address the truly terrible aspect of the affliction (and, since I just broke the 10K mark - with NO ULE cards - I know whereof I speak). Kevin is accurate when he states that one does not NEED to collect, but my heart still quickens when I run across a $30 Limited booster box, or a $10 OWE, or even Assassins at a measly 20% off retail. Invariably, I begin to recalculate my food budget for the week in order to achieve the fix I so desperately revel in.

No matter that I have 4 LE sets; I'm eagerly anticipating heading home today to tear into a box of LE boosters that I promised to myself as a reward for the first successful completion of my new job's duties. I will revel in the destruction of black-and-grey plastic wrapper. I will experience that moment of hesitation while I ensure that the cards are cradled in my right hand so that the rares and commons are teasingly facedown. I will slowly yet smoothly fan the uncommons with a caress of my little finger, then snap the remainder over with a snap of my wrist to reveal the rare. Pulse quickened, I slowly slide the rare sideways with my thumb, hoping for the multiple rush of a late-run pack with two rares. I will then sort, alphabetize, log and set aside the cards . . . and then ride the rollercoaster 35 more times.

(My wife is a summer camp director. She left for camp June 1. My existence is a pathetic stream of delusional amusements until she returns in August, excepting the occasional conjugal visit.)

This is my accepted lot in life, and I bear with it. Granted, I can still be beat at INWO by someone with nothing more than a OWE, but there are still those small moments of pleasure that only a Mr. Suitcase can have (such as leaving AMA cards in the lobby of your local health care provider, or buying multiple back issues of Pyramid so you can have 10 Brunos . . . )

Alex Yeager

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