February 26, 2026: A PSA . . .

Friday afternoon I received a call from someone who claimed to be with the Fraud Department at my financial institution. They asked if I had just tried to make a purchase in the amount of [redacted] at the [redacted] store located in [redacted]. I had not. They didn't think I had, I was told. And was I aware of an attempt to withdraw a large sum of cash from my account on January 15? I was not, I told them indignantly. Ah, they didn't think so. They spoke of bypassed security measures and crooked hiring techniques. Now my account was the subject of a federal investigation. And so the trap was set. I must speak to someone else in Fraud who works closely with the FBI. "Ethan" joined the call.

What I was told (in bulleted form, because the afternoon went on forever):

They were investigating dishonest tellers at several of my local bank branches. They had made 35 arrests across the country so far.
I could no longer access my account because it was "compromised."
They proceeded to list my various accounts and credit cards. They even knew the "nickname" I had given my savings account.
They were going to transfer "government funds" into my savings account to see if "we" could identify a dishonest teller.
Let me explain to you now that I knew this could not possibly be a scam because it wasn't my money.
I must drive to the bank immediately.
I must not hang up the phone. I must stay connected in order to preserve the "continuity" of the investigation.
They would text me a letter explaining more about the "investigation."
Then (still on the phone with them), I was to enter the bank and see if I could withdraw the funds in cash. If I could, the teller was clearly one of the bad guys.
Surprise! I was able to withdraw it!
I was told I did a great job inside the bank. (Gold star for me! So proud! I'm practically an FBI agent now!)
Now they were ready to "recover the government assets."
I turned the cash over to "an FBI agent" in a parking lot. Because that's not sketchy.
But again, it wasn't my money.
I was then told by my new best friend, Ethan, that he would call me the next morning to let me know the next steps. And, most importantly, I was not to attempt to access my account until the next day, because they wanted to see who would try to sign in.

Each time I got antsy about the next step, Ethan had an explanation. And there were lots of steps I didn't note here, and I did have questions. The underlying reason I went through with this, though, please remember: This must be legitimate. It's. Not. My. Money.

*******************

Alas, it was my money. Ethan and company, in ways I don't fully comprehend, managed to transfer all the cash from my checking account and make a cash advance on my credit card. They transferred it to my own savings account. And told me it was FBI money.

I withdrew my own money and handed it over to them.

Folks, no one from your financial institution or the FBI will call you with a request like this. (Caller I.D. can even be spoofed to look like it is coming from a legitimate caller.) If you get such a call, hang up. Call your bank, call the FBI, call whatever entity is allegedly calling you and ask questions. Lots of questions. Don't move your money. Don't move anyone's money!

You probably won't be surprised when I tell you that Ethan did not, in fact, call me again the next day.

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