Illuminated Site of the Week Archives

Here is a list of ALL previous winners of the IllSotW:

March 14, 2020: Illuminated Site of the Week: “My Romance Doesn’t Have To Have [Two Moons] In The Sky”

Illuminated Site of the Week:

There's a new moon in the sky. No, not the phase, the actual count of Earth's moons has doubled in the last three years. They call it a minimoon and if you haven't seen it you can be forgiven. It's about the size of a linebacker or two and our gravity caught it in the last few years. This isn't unheard of, but it's also the sort of thing that doesn't go the distance like "ol' reliable" up there. Sometimes asteroids just get caught but since it's easy to overlook a rock smaller than a motorcycle they typically hang about a few rotations and then move on.

The best guess, this one is due to leave in April, but if you suffer twice the lycanthrope attacks or find the stars getting it right more than once between now and then, you'll know why. Science Alert gives us the heads-up.

-- Andy

January 25, 2020: Illuminated Site of the Week: Ninja Vs. Job Market

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Iga province in Japan has a problem: too few ninjas. Iga has something of a ninja-rich history, or at least some ninja-adjacent connections, so they're actively recruiting performers for their various ninja events and fairs, not actual stealthy assassins (which is just what you'd expect a ninja to claim, isn't it?). According to the story at Bihani Khabar, salaries can go as high as $85k, though this stands in contrast to The International Ninja Research Center's assessment that ninjas earn $8-17k.

In related news, there's an International Ninja Research Center.

-- Suggested by Roger Croft

January 18, 2020: Illuminated Site of the Week: Looks Like Someone’s Been Gazing Long Into An Abyss

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Spring is right around the corner, so if you're preparing to cram for exams but can't seem to stay awake long enough to absorb the material, Oleg Vdovenko has the cure: his artwork.

If you're not familiar with it, be assured it's realistic enough to give you bad dreams for days (and if that's not warning enough for the parents reading this, to repeat: Some of the material isn't safe for work or kids regardless of how strong your personal fortitude is). Clearly influenced by life in Russia, many of his works deal with creatures and events that could only happen in the subterranean world of nightmares. Things crawling through walls, soldiers trying to stop them (even if that means appeasing them rather than defeating them), and people falling prey to them all look far too real. Some sections have the gall to sport a "Mature Content" warning, leading one to wonder how much worse it gets.

Maybe this can give some GMs game ideas; maybe it will offer authors writing prompts; it almost certainly gives everyone who witnesses it a profound sense of existential dread.

-- Suggested by Robert Troy Peterson

January 11, 2020: Illuminated Site of the Week: It Ain’t Easy Being Green But It’s Becoming Fashionable

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Druids. They're all about nature, change, and growth. Growth especially, and according to them their numbers have more than doubled in a decade. What's the appeal? Can it all be laid at the feet of Millennials? The British Druid Order claims they've got more going on than rituals in the woods, but really, isn't that what most of us want druids to be? Regardless, if you've ever seen yourself as a green ally it seems a new golden age has started, this time with on-line resources.

If Druidry isn't up your alley then perhaps a history-keeping and storytelling bard is the life for you . . . or maybe become an ovate, seeking the answers underlying all of nature. Don't worry if you don't know how to do any of this, they have courses for all these things. Plus T-shirts.

-- Suggested by James Matthew Neeland

January 4, 2020: Illuminated Site of the Week: Call Of The Wild, Man

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Hark! What is that plaintive cry? Mating season? Wolves? Bears? Or could it be the long-sought proof of the existence of Bigfoot? Before we squatch – er, squelch – rumors of these magnificent cryptid beasties, give a listen to Stargell Blackstar's recording of a mournful and terrifying cacophony emanating from the depths of the Ontario wildlands. Vice offers an overview with commentary from some experts.

-- Suggested by Deidre Harrington

December 14, 2019: Illuminated Site of the Week: Repo Man

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Pope Francis knows demonic possession is a problem on the upswing in this world, so he's encouraging priests to help combat the rising tide. Before anyone goes out to buy crucifixes and Bibles, though, he's not asking the general public to start speaking Latin at distressed persons. Hoping they make sure there's not some more down-to-Earth phenomenon behind it all, he reiterates "discernment" is the watchword and mental health professionals are the first line of defense. But men of the cloth are encouraged to make use of exorcists and not ignore this valuable resource merely because we've stumbled into the 21st century.

His remarks on how to better receive confessions can be found here, but if that transcript proves too steeped in flowery language, The Daily Beast has the story.

-- Andy

December 7, 2019: Illuminated Site of the Week: Where Were You On The Night Of The Seventh, 65 Million B.C.?

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Okay, so it's not quite that refined, but Ian Webster's website DinosaurPictures.Org offers a few amenities for the scale-and-feather crowd, not least this interactive map of the world. (Though if you do have any information regarding what happened to our ancient bio-buddies, any tips will remain anonymous.) See what your backyard, so to speak, looked like at any point in history (as long as those points are about 10 million years apart) where the ice and lava flowed alternately across the face of the Earth. For example, it looks like global climate change could give a repeat performance in the southern United States . . .

The database lets you check out random dinos, find out what critters frequented which continents, and get to know all the latest information on offer from leading experts in the field. With over a thousand of them listed, it'll take another epoch to go through them all.

-- From multiple submissions

November 23, 2019: Illuminated Site of the Week: Ants . . . Why’d It Have To Be Ants?

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Now they've gone and done it. When they found a colony of ants living inside an abandoned nuclear bunker, a team of scientists did what any right-minded environmentalist would do: provide an escape for study purposes and let the world deal with the fallout. We've all seen this movie, but rest assured these aren't giant irradiated  ants, it's merely (by one estimate, from someone who clearly deserves the world's pity) one million regular-sized cannibal ants.

Yes, cannibal ants. The only source of food all these years appears to have been each other, and not only did the colony survive, it seemed -- against common sense, physics, and biology -- to thrive. Fortunately, once freed, the meat-hungry insects were at liberty to find some other source of nutrition to keep up their numbers. Newsweek has the story.

-- Suggested by Bruce Tutcher

November 24, 2018: Illuminated Site of the Week: That’s The Spirit

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Everyone's seen ghost towns on television, but what are they really like? Peter Ling has more than a couple of answers for you and a few photos to go with them. His project Ghost Towns in America has stuck a pin in thousands of abandoned burgs and not just in the West. They're all over the place, sitting derelict and waiting for tourists . . . or victims. Whether you seek someplace to haunt on vacation or want the place to dredge up dread in your GURPS Old West players' imaginations, this is your one-horse-stop to cover the country in creepy atmosphere and maybe a little learning.

-- Suggested by David Waldron

November 17, 2018: Illuminated Site of the Week: What Shape Will Society Take?

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Maybe they've used too much finesse, maybe not enough, but it's hard to tell what Vi Hart and Nicky Case are driving at. Do they inform you the perils of racism? Would they have you support STEM in your community? What's their angle? Their sphere of influence appears to be all things geometrical, summed up in two glorious dimensions in the Parable of the Polygons.

Can you make the Squares and Triangles happy? All you have to do is put them next to more of their own kind. Oh, they're not shapist, they just like a little of the familiar. But moving one makes another unhappy so you have to move them to a new home and . . . well, if you're not careful, eventually everyone gets bent out of shape. Part video game, part social experiment, part community commentary, part coding exercise, it can be all these things and more. Happiness takes many forms; let it into your circle.

-- Suggested by Josh Meyer

October 14, 2018: Illuminated Site of the Week: Look, Up In The Sky, It’s Not A Bird

Illuminated Site of the Week:

It's a drone, because you see, Birds Aren't Real. No, they're not figments of your imagination, the things exist – existed – but now, they're actually drones and have been since 2001. Seems the CIA pulled out all the stops to get rid of them and replace them with mechanical doppelgängers that do everything for the government from surveillance to drug trade.

Is it the truth, a cynical worldview, the work of a madman, a gigantic cash grab? (It's a cash grab; the licensed product page attests to that.) If only the CIA were as effective in getting rid of the aphids . . . or have they?

-- Suggested by Andrea Loughry


September 15, 2018: Illuminated Site of the Week: You Spin Me Wrong ‘Round, Baby, Wrong ‘Round

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Remember the bit in Superman: The Motion Picture about the Earth made to orbit the wrong way? Where do people get these patently absurd . . . what? The government? Of course.

Sorry, it seems there was a plan to spin the planet in the opposite direction, back in the '60s. To counteract the Soviets' ability to bomb us, some genius thought that if we built a platform with a thousand Atlas engines pointing the right way, we could turn them on and halt the world's momentum long enough for the missiles to overshoot us in a display of ingenuity that would make Wile E. Coyote swear off physics once and for all.

Of course, it all sounds like science fiction. You'd have to have someone pretty convincing tell us how this suggestion came under any degree of consideration.

One of the people involved in the nuclear programs wrote a book? Huh. Yeah, that would probably do it. The folks at the Daily Grail do their part as well.

-- Suggested by Blake Smith

August 11, 2018: Illuminated Site of the Week: Nothing Comes Between You And Your Designer Genes

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Except maybe the scientific community. But the Nuffield Council on Bioethics said tinkering with DNA before having a baby might not be such a bad thing. Some of the processes being discussed these days involves the genetic material from three donors instead of two. (One must assume having a trio of parents makes it easier to look after a child with a super-science makeup.) Not everyone's on board, of course; some still decry eugenics, unfair playing fields, and the unforeseen consequences of overcompensation. But with all the diseases modern treatments might defeat, it's getting harder to wave off eager go-getters in the arena of genetic manipulation. The Telegraph has the story.

-- Suggested by Wes Brown


June 3, 2018: Illuminated Site of the Week: We Wanted Aliens, But Poltergeists Will Do

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Bigelow Aerospace has its fingers in some government pies, but while a lot of conspiracy theorists concentrate on its supposed ties to alien technology and the physics-bending facets thereof, somehow the suggestion came to pass that there was a lot of incidental information to be had about poltergeist activity and cryptids.

Depending on which way you view the claims, either Bigelow found a novel means of using humans as part of the machinery to identify and figure out UFOs, or it took the government for a lot of money. Mysterious Universe, Outer Places, and Newsweek have the story.

-- Andy

May 27, 2018: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Best Offense Is A Psychic Defense

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Popular opinion has it when he died, Nicola Tesla was sitting on plans for a death ray. These were subsequently picked up when his hotel room was raided by secret government forces. MuckRock claims it was even worse than this, though. According to Tom Bearden – you may recall he champions the existence and use of free energy from "the vacuum" – not only did the Russians gain control of some of Tesla's offensive secrets, they had the best defense against them: Tesla shield technology. The famed engineer's energy howitzers could knock our missiles out of the sky, but any that got through would simply impact on the force field surrounding the offending silos and cities. And these cannons weren't limited to hitting us with electricity – they could also throw time at us. Yes, actual time, used as a payload to age or obliterate whatever it hit.

How do we all know this? Through the CIA's psychic research project, of course. This is one page that just keeps giving.

-- Andy

April 28, 2018: Illuminated Site of the Week: Squid Goals

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Soldiers need to be able to get in and out of any number of tight spots to do their job, so what happens when they're once again confronted by a slit or hole too narrow or small for a human to fit through? You send in a squid, of course. That's not to say the army is going to start carrying around these tentacular beasts just so they can shove their pliable bodies through holes to get the mission done, that would be the height of absurdity. Instead, thanks to the combined efforts of the Army Research Laboratory (ARL) and the University of Minnesota (UMN) regarding breakthroughs with new materials, they're simply going to 3-D print the invertebrates in the field. That's the reasonable thing to do. The Daily Mail has the story.

-- Suggested by Steve Jackson

April 21, 2018: Illuminated Site of the Week: A Standard Page By Any Measure

Illuminated Site of the Week:

If you're old enough to remember the TV show Liar's Club, you may recall they wheeled out weird objects, provenance unknown, for celebrities to tout and contestants to determine the purpose of. Carrying on this proud, obscure tradition, the National Institute of Standards and Technology (NIST) periodically produces such an item and asks if anyone knows what in the world it is. Assuming it comes from this world at all may be presumptuous, and there may be nothing standard about what any given item measures. Does it power this? Detect that? Protect against the other? Take a gander to see if you can help. And if you can . . . just how is it you came by this knowledge?

-- Suggested by Steve Jackson

April 14, 2018: Illuminated Site of the Week: . . . And Ohming Is Half The Battle

Illuminated Site of the Week:

After more than three-quarters of a century spent defending our liberty, our backyards, and our living-room coffee tables, green army men have earned some weekend liberty. Artist Dan Abramson has been bringing unique yoga products to market for some time now, and he's found a whimsical take on the plastic soldiers of childhood. Yoga Joes, available in traditional green or refreshing pink, are tiny infantrymen affecting warrior poses (what else?) and the popular downward-facing dog, among others. A good soldier is fit in mind, body, and soul, and these fellows are ready for action. It's hard to say exactly what kind of action these figures are preparing for, but they'll meet it with a clear mind and a clean chakra. "Yo(ga), Joe!"
-- Suggested by Audra Grace

March 11, 2018: Illuminated Site of the Week: 65 Million B.C. Was An Inside Job

Illuminated Site of the Week:

The meteor that took out the dinosaurs might not have acted alone. Turns out, throwing a 10-kilometer chunk of rock at Earth does more than throw dust into the atmosphere; it unleashes all manner of cascading failures and Terran disasters. Phil Plait uses his Bad Astronomy blog to correct as much of the misinformation hurtling toward us as he can, which is a cosmic task given how quick folks are to believe the sensational. To be fair, he's also working against hundreds (if not thousands) of years of supposition, and he's only been around one human lifetime. If you don't want to read his work on what new things we've learned about our universe, you can peruse some of the older canards he's dealt with. Between the blog and the SyFy Wire feed, he's got most of the galaxy covered.

-- Andy

March 4, 2018: Illuminated Site of the Week: Accept No Substitutes

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Dr. M. Doreal has brought the truth and the light out in people. At least, that's what happens if you spot The Brotherhood of the White Temple half-a-yard (to start). He brought the 411 on theosophy, hermetic tradition, and the translation of the Emerald Tablet. Akin to the Philosopher's Stone and other noteworthy mystic items, the tablet contains information that has spurred the efforts of everyone from Isaac Newton to Aleister Crowley. So for your fifty bucks, you, too, might join their hallowed ranks (if they reject your application, you get your money back; otherwise, you have to keep up your dues).

But beware, imposters and wannabes, for only by hewing to the truth of Dr. Doreal's translation can one be assured of finding the true inner light. Odd assurance from a fellow whose first name is either Michael or Maurice, depending on whom you ask.

-- Andy


February 11, 2018: Illuminated Site of the Week: Memories Are Made Of This

Illuminated Site of the Week:

If you're going to be a drain on the critical werewolf-fighting silver supply, you'd better have a pretty good reason for it.

Beijing Silvermine is many things – a book, a gallery, a photo repository – created and maintained by Thomas Sauvin. A landfill on the outskirts of Beijing, China, contains millions of family photos from 1985 to 2005, when analog photography was still king. Rather than have all those negatives scrapped for their silver content, Sauvin has an arrangement whereby he scours these canisters at random looking for visual, er, gold. Stills of everyday life in China, of gatherings at popular amusement parks, of family reunions, and of candid moments make it to his online displays. He makes showings at galleries and museums, and has a number of books under his belt. It's a fascinating look at a world that is gradually being lost through renewal and apathy . . .

. . . Let's hope the werewolves are hibernating.

-- Suggested by Al Clark

January 27, 2018: Illuminated Site of the Week: Mind The Gap(s)

Illuminated Site of the Week:

London may as well be made of quantum Swiss cheese for all the underlying relativistic structural integrity it has. Seems Terry Gilliam was onto something with his movie Time Bandits – the city wears thin in certain areas and produces holes in time and space throughout. Portals of London: Towards a catalogue of London's inter-dimensional gateways is a blog detailing the various sidelines and byways of this history-steeped town, warning of hidden churches, lost cemeteries, and intersecting hauntings. The Guardian, spurred by recent reports of a foot tunnel in the Underground where time passes slower or faster than normal, has an anonymous interview with the site's curator.

-- Suggested by Richard Harris

January 7, 2018: Illuminated Site of the Week: . . . Though Most Of It Is Right Here On Earth

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Mysterious Universe details all sorts of high weirdness from around the world (hmm . . . there might be something to that). Veterans of foreign wars bring home stories of things seen out of the corner of one's eye on the battlefield. Croatia may have invented the practical joke as early as the fourth century. Only marijuana, even without benefit of inhalation, could freak out the West Coast and turn into a UFO sighting. All this plus a podcast by the same name is waiting within clicking distance to, er – illuminate? – you.

-- Andy

November 26, 2017: Illuminated Site of the Week: Most Of It Is Pretty Much The Same As Yesterday

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Perhaps it's a bit of hubris when someone calls their online magazine Universe Today, especially given the tenure of its subject matter, but the writers go as fast as they can to keep up with what we know. If you want the latest on Cassini, the International Space Station, or findings of possible life-sustaining planets, you can get it within these pages – but it doesn't end there.

They also have to answer questions when some reader wants to know how to destroy the sun or moon, or play Whack-A-Mole regarding conspiracies about former president Barack Obama teleporting to the planet Mars (back in the day; worry not, no one is claiming he went there during business hours in his administration). Knowing how different it could look moment-to-moment, Universe Today is as close to current as this crazy world gets.

-- Andy

November 19, 2017: Illuminated Site of the Week: Carrot On, My Wayward Son

Illuminated Site of the Week:

You thought carrots were dull? You poor, deluded fool. Carrots are everything. Carrots are healthy. Carrots make booze. They produce prodigious amounts of sugar, they share a day in Scotland with a venerated saint, they can be easily confused with hemlock in the wild, and, heck, they even have their own museum. The World Carrot Museum has trivia, history, trivia, recipes, and trivia. There are pictures, essays, science, legends . . . all about our beloved orange side dish. By the end of it, you'll know so much more than . . . let's be honest, you're going to be sick of hearing about carrots. But getting there will still be fun.

-- Andy

November 12, 2017: Illuminated Site of the Week: Pulling The Rug Out From Under History

Illuminated Site of the Week:

People chronicle history – their own and that of the world around them – in hundreds of ways. At the blog Rugs of War, Nigel Lendon and Tim Bonyhady depict and describe numerous mats woven by the people of the Middle East that show events from this unusual perspective. Text is sewn in, sometimes obviously, sometimes cryptically, like fabric-based grace notes. Images, many focused on 9/11 or scenes of war (for probably obvious reasons), give hints to the daily lives or general experiences of the makers.

A fascinating peek into not only a creative endeavor but a worldview once or twice removed from those of Westerners and their 24-hour news cycles, Rugs of War shows how history, whether oral or from the end of a needle, can drift and gain new meaning.

-- Suggested by RespectableLawyer

October 16, 2017: Illuminated Site of the Week: Sorry, Zone Of What, Again?

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Not so loud. If you ask UNESCO, sure, you're going to get the boring party line about the Jornada Biosphere Reserve, its location and ecosystem and blah-blah-blah. Let's shoot straight: It's a stretch of desert in Mexico, home to La Zona del Silencio or the "Zone of Silence." Here, it is said, radio signals don't work and strange electromagnetic fields wander from one spot to another.

Want more? So do the ladies who visit these fields. Rumor has it that a visit to the zone can improve a woman's chances of conceiving a child. So the fact that America lost an Athena rocket here (in and of itself suspicious, no?) and had to send Wernher von Braun to fetch it, and that UFOs make repeated flyovers, may be among the least interesting aspects of the lay of this land. There's more at Atlas Obscura.

-- Suggested by RespectableLawyer

October 7, 2017: Illuminated Site of the Week: Eau De 'Squatch

Illuminated Site of the Week:

If you want to land Bigfoot, stop trying to track him, hunt him, cage him, or record him. Instead, woo him. You win more friends with a teaspoon of honey than a gallon of vinegar, so if you want to cultivate good relations between modern man and his missing-link forebears, you need the right cologne. Happy Body Care has concocted Bigfoot Juice, a cross between deer sweat and perfume. Created by Allie Megan Webb, it hides your natural human scent beneath a more woodsy, musk-like odor. The Charlotte Observer has the story.

-- Suggested by James M. Neeland

September 2, 2017: Illuminated Site of the Week: Going But Not Forgotten

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Who says history professors have no sense of humor? To be fair, they probably didn't provide the Graffiti from Pompeii resource just to tickle the funny bone of anyone looking for some scatological laughs, but even serious research has to go to the bathroom sooner or later. Scientists felt obliged to preserve some of our ancient ancestors' scribblings for future generations (especially since thick ash from the eruption of Vesuvius got the ball rolling), and it's all collected herein. Keep in mind, some of it is racy - even harsh. But it just goes to show you, folks are alike all over.

-- Andy

August 26, 2017: Illuminated Site of the Week: It’s All Ancient History

Illuminated Site of the Week:

You've probably heard of the show of the same name, but The Ancient Aliens aren't limited to cable TV. If this site is to be believed, these creatures from beyond the stars have been visiting us for millennia. That's why you can find them depicted in cave paintings, helping build early stone architecture, and more. Providing a comprehensive database of our friends(?) from far away, The Ancient Aliens is your one-stop shop for illuminated knowledge, enough to fill up the most voluminous cone-head skull.

-- Andy

July 15, 2017: Illuminated Site of the Week: When Human Resources Isn’t Getting The Job Done

Illuminated Site of the Week:

On the outside, it looks like your everyday private-detective agency. On the inside, though, they advertise any number of things to help you with those most pernicious bugs: the ones the government implants in your body and doesn't have the decency to tell you about. Advanced Electronic Security Company, about as straightforward a name as anything in this world, helps its patrons avoid electronic surveillance and keep the latest mind-control lasers (orbital or otherwise) from finding their victims and erasing them memory by memory. There are costs, of course, but if you do call them for help, they ask you not do it from a compromised phone or device.

Keeping the wolves at bay no matter what portal they pry at is big business, and this digital-age harassment is just the tip of the iceberg. The Daily Beast has the story in greater depth.

-- Suggested by Ben Radford

July 2, 2017: Illuminated Site of the Week: We Already Made Change For That Dollar

Illuminated Site of the Week:

So you won't be flipping it to determine heads or tails; it's still a fascinating bit of history. What do you do when money is barely worth the metal it's stamped on? Add value. Literally. Do as the Texas banks did, back before laws and standards became currency events: Hammer some additional coins onto it. Never mind the odd looks you'll get on the bus when they ask for exact change, or the phone calls tellers at your local bank branch will make with their hands cupped over the receiver. Just remind them necessity is the mother of invention and our faith in the system is the heart of our economy. (And you thought coin collecting was dull.) has the pictures.

-- Suggested by Steve Jackson

June 18, 2017: Illuminated Site of the Week: Pony-Trekking Or Camping

Illuminated Site of the Week:

What if there were no such place as Finland? More to the point, is there such a place as Finland? Looks like a lot of folks presented some pretty convincing evidence that it doesn't exist. Skeptoid podcast, whether in a fit of pique or out of a desire to maintain a favored vacation spot, urges you to clap your hands and keep it on the maps. Why, they ask, would people eat up the suggestion that an entire landmass isn't there? How do these things get going and what keeps them going? Brian Dunning writes and talks about it at the site.

He doesn't do it from Finland, mind you, but there's probably good reason for that.

-- Suggested by Andrew Hackard


May 6, 2017: Illuminated Site of the Week: Aren’t Unicorns More . . . Fluffy?

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Called the unicorn of mollusks, the long-sought, living-giant shipworm has been corralled. The three-foot black critter in a shell, once found only as dead specimens in musty labs, may offer insight into how these bivalves evolved from eating the decaying wood of shipwrecks to surviving on a resulting hydrogen-sulfide chemical bath, much like their biological kin who live near thermal vents on the floor of the sea. You can read the paper "published ahead of print" from the University of Hawaii at Manoa (in Honolulu) at the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

Buried in the sand, they've been said to resemble elephant tusks growing from the bed. That's a little like a unicorn horn, yes? Anyway, the resemblance ends there. The Washington Post has the story.

-- Suggested by Steve Jackson

July 2, 2015: Illuminated Site of the Week: Arsenic And Alsace

Illuminated Site of the Week:
Touring France sounds romantic, and it is so long as you avoid areas riddled with unexploded munitions from the Great War. Even a century later the poisons and artillery unleashed in that terrible conflict have rendered parts of the countryside uninhabitable. Known as Zone Rouge (the Red Zone), people aren't allowed to visit some spots let alone live there, and the only creatures within are the rare species that know where the potable water is and the humans who recover lethal shells still lying in wait. Sounds like the start of a weird Horror campaign except it's all grusomely real . . . which is not to say you can't use it. For the story, which will leave you feeling like you need a shower, go here.
-- Suggested by Pook

May 13, 2015: Illuminated Site of the Week: Your Daily Dose Of Vitamin ET

Illuminated Site of the Week:

UFOs being as important as they are, it's vital we get updates as often as possible. UFO Sightings Daily is a good start. And what is the latest? President Obama's pilot saw a UFO back in the 80s, Mexican volcanoes are hosting alien flybys, and a craft spotted "near" the sun mirrors an image from Egyptian hieroglyphics. Tomorrow's shaping up to be a heckuva day.
-- Andy

March 5, 2015: Illuminated Site of the Week: Two Flus Over Cornell's Test

Illuminated Site of the Week:

All right, everyone's on board with the need for zombie defense - that's a good start. Usually some doctor played by Brad Dourif has to do something horribly wrong before the government heeds the crazed warnings of a fringe action-scientist played by Casper Van Dien. We've told you about how some scholars figured various authorities and governments would react to an outbreak of the undead (back on April 10, 2011), and Canada (being Canada) has worked out how the infection would spread (from August 29, 2009), but now . . .
Now Cornell University suggests there are two ways the zombie threat could go, and they've married their research with influenza insights only to find the two diseases map to each other with uncanny accuracy. Which means science may get a leg up from zombie flicks.
What a time to be alive . . . and stay alive.
-- Suggested by Christopher Thrash

February 19, 2015: Illuminated Site of the Week: Delicious, Nutritious, Overtly Vicious

Illuminated Site of the Week:
Freddie Wong and Brandon Laatsch's video studio Rocket Jump is responsible for some memorable content. For example, remember commercials from the 90s? Here's betting you don't recall them quite like this. (And if you don't want the kids recalling them in the middle of the night for the next week, steer them away from it.)
-- Suggested by Scott Slemmons

February 6, 2015: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Cat's Eee-Yow

Illuminated Site of the Week:
Horror writer H.P. Lovecraft felt the most merciful thing in the world was that men couldn't correlate its contents. Having your cat do it for you doesn't seem like much of an improvement. His cognitive abilities are limited to say the least, and he'll probably bat at the tentacles of monsters with his claws when they come for him. But why not let him take all the chances exploring the darkest areas of this veil of tears? If you're willing to venture into Tumblr - surely as maddening an experience as any Howard Philips could have imagined - you can see how observations on the Mythos jibe when paired with cat pictures at H.P. Lovecat.
-- Suggested by Simon Ponder and Scott Slemmons

December 3, 2011: Illuminated Site of the Week: Bared-Bones Conspiracy

Illuminated Site of the Week: Pay no attention to the people who say that evolution isn't real or that men once rode dinosaurs: David Wozney explains how the mighty lizards may never have existed at all in Dinosaurs: Science Or Science Fiction. Using everything from poor judgment to plaster casts, have paleontologists constructed in their own minds (and in several museum displays) flights of fancy that do a disservice to real science? Have carbon dating and fossil studies been a waste of precious decades? He even goes to the trouble of offering alternative theories about possible mentions of same in the Bible, should those be muddying the, uhm . . . historic? . . . waters for anyone. If true, it may represent one of the greatest conspiracy frauds ever perpetrated on mankind - certainly the biggest one built from chicken bones, anyway.

-- Suggested by Doctor Atlantis

September 17, 2011: Illuminated Site of the Week: Love Never Dies

Illuminated Site of the Week:

To know the true meaning of love, the sort of affection between two people who will do anything for each other, one need only hear the touching story of Juliana and Benjamin. Many of us face tests in the early stages of a relationship, but their tale is one of perseverance, trust, and bravery. Something this undying inspires us all.
-- Suggested by Scott Slemmons

August 14, 2011: Illuminated Site of the Week: This Site May Change Your Mind

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Though only figuratively . . . at this stage. Cyborgs aren't just the stuff of "Ah-nold's" films; they're happening here and now. Ever stopped to think your cellphone is the electronic equivalent of a crying, hungry child? Or that God is what happens when life maximizes its complexity? The learned folks at Cyborg Anthropology have. What else can you call it when people start sticking increasingly involved technological devices onto, or into, their bodies? You may expand your horizons, your definitions, or your disbelief, but you'll think differently about the computer you use to visit the site . . .
-- Andy

June 5, 2011: Illuminated Site of the Week: "These People Have The Brains Of Squid"

Illuminated Site of the Week:

So said Dave Barry, but could that be a good thing? Ask the folks at Squid A Day. In a world where an octopus named Paul can call the sports winners, is it so hard to think our squishy brethren of the sea might know a whole lot that we don't? Their ink may heal or improve blood vessels, they get their eggs into space for research . . . Face it, however much fun we have with squid, dedicated and singleminded blogger Danna Staaf is having even more.

-- Paul Chapman

May 14, 2011: Illuminated Site of the Week: And Yet No One Says Anything About Their Cars

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Yugoslavia has a rich and textured history. Part of that story has an until-recently hidden segment that's either inspiring or disturbing, depending on your viewpoint. Crack Two offers a page entitled 25 Abandoned Yugoslavia Monuments that look like they're from the Future. The capitalization is all theirs; the emotions are yours. Intended by Tito's communist regime to commemorate battles and concentration camps from the war, these may now be Places of Mystery, sites of great power, or just masterpieces in progress that simply scream for . . . whatever their message is.
-- Suggested by Pookie

May 7, 2011: Illuminated Site of the Week: Tekeli-Li, Tintin

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Sure, Hergé's spunky hero had a good half-century run, but with a new mega-motion-capture movie coming up this year Tintin could use some new blood. The fresh slate of enemies should include some Lovecraftian horrors, according to Mythos artist Murray Groat. It's easy to conquer Antarctica when the ice doesn't buckle beneath your feet, boyo, but we're sure you don't go 50 years without learning a thing or two not found in the Necronomicon. Not if you want to be around for the sequel without Herbert West's help, at any rate.

-- Suggested by Walter Croft

April 29, 2011: Illuminated Site of the Week: Get Your Sheepskin At Fleece

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Fleece University, that is. This generation teaches that one the elements of Discordianism, so long as they don't mind learning it at the hands . . . er, wings, of geese. They're still getting the golden apple rolling, but you can lay out on the quad, help the hsitory department by telling them "What just happened?", and buy books at the school store. Hmm. Some of these titles sound familiar. Why let others blow your mind when Fleece teaches you to do for yourself?
(Yes, they know geese don't provide fleece; Jiminy, you've got a lot to learn about Discordianism. If only there was a place - hey!)
-- Suggested by Colin

April 10, 2011: Illuminated Site of the Week: It Looked So Much Better On Paper

Illuminated Site of the Week:

The next time the Department of Homeland Security wants to do a dry run to test everyone for disaster preparedness, they should see how they fare against zombies. Maybe you recall the paper from the University of Ottawa we featured in August of 2009 that explained the dynamics behind same, but that's just math on a page. Daniel W. Drezner, professor of international politics, knows whereof he speaks. Having little better to do at Tufts, he spells out his Theories of International Politics and Zombies. How would the governments of the world react to a massive outbreak of undead? We're guessing a lot of committees get formed, but we're not the go-to guys, are we?
-- Suggested by Ted Skirvin

March 1, 2011: Illuminated Site of the Week: It's In The Cards

Illuminated Site of the Week:

The New World Order is rich, but the resistance isn't! That's why the "Awakening center" accepts donations and charges $7.95 for a pack of eight "factual Conspiracy Cards." If ever you find yourself unable to recall crucial elements of the Secret Masters' plans for domination, you can flip to the appropriate card in your reference library to see what They are up to. Mix 'em, match 'em, get 'em on CD. The creator was deported, but you can get this and many other playthings -- truth-based action figures, board games, statuettes -- at their website. They even have a gas-masked site model in a bikini.

-- Suggested by Anders Starmark

February 11, 2011: Illuminated Site of the Week: Millions Of Years Late And A Dollar Short

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Some Christians believe dinosaurs and Man lived side by side for some time about 4,000 years ago, and we felt it was appropriate to give some time to another side of the discussion:
Some Jewish folks also believe dinosaurs and Man lived side by side for some time about 4,000 years ago.
Hope of Israel Ministries has a lot to say about the timeline, and their website rejects mainstream science's understanding of the flow of prehistory. Carbon dating takes a back seat to cave drawings, and broken pottery trumps the fossil record. No one mentions saddling a dinosaur and riding it into battle, but you just know all the cool kids were doing it.
-- Andy

January 21, 2011: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Truth Shall Set Your Teeth On Edge

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Brother Veritus' Website is just that: the truth. He's sifted through a lot of information, and if you can penetrate his English (we must assume the Spanish half of the site is easier to absorb), you'll get a heaping helping of his philosophy. "The truth" seems to consist of inspirational sayings and pithy bons mots usually not found outside posters with cats on them. But you can find references to the Illuminati here and there, and more than one accusation that we're all sleeping, stupid, or both, so it seems appropriate to include it in your orientation package.

-- Suggested by Anders

September 11, 2010: Illuminated Site of the Week: Several Conspiracies, No Waiting

Illuminated Site of the Week:

What are you afraid of? Hollywood's ubiquitous and corrupting influence? The hidden perils of organized religion? The secret plans your government has aligned against you? According to Advent of Deception, you need not fear any one of them . . . you should be terrified of all of them. Aliens seem friendly only because the movies make them come across sweet 'n' cuddly. Not only is mind control patented, they disguise it within high-definition television, a technology they've been working on since 1936. And if the Gulf oil spill and the death of most of the Polish government in a plane crash don't convince you the schemes extend beyond America's borders, well, there are movie reviews as well. With numerology.
"[D]ifferent piglets are rolling in the mud within the singular Illuminati Occult Pig Pen." Ew. If they're not careful, they might give people a poor impression of the New World Order.
-- Andy

September 3, 2010: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Doctors Will See Right Through You Now

Illuminated Site of the Week:

If you thought a visit to the doctor was a scary thing, wait until you find out about all the stuff mainstream medicine hasn't been telling you. The Whale gives us the skinny on the vaccine "racket," the ease with which AIDS ought to be treated (it's the causes, you see, not the cures), and more on the dental conspiracy. To get invited to all the right parties, they also devote pages to the usual suspects: 9/11 theories, dowsing, orgone (they'll even sell you the orgonite), and more. Be warned, with all the shoptalk on disease, you can run across the occasional unpleasant picture on this site. But then, if you haven't got your health, what have you got?
-- Andy

August 13, 2010: Illuminated Site of the Week: Earth's Egocentric View Of The Universe

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Science has been getting it all wrong. The Earth is the center of the universe and doesn't move (if it did, you'd feel the wind, wouldn't you?). It's not even worthwhile to debate with scientists who insist the Earth moves, because they're tools of a conspiracy, and not just any conspiracy, but a Satanic one. You had no idea, did you? The Moving-Earth DECEPTION!!  site has large, easy-to-read type, and features explanatory illustrations such as a sheep, an ostrich, President Obama, the sun, Alice in Wonderland, and a pair of boxing gloves.
-- Suggested by Robert Hood

July 23, 2010: Illuminated Site of the Week: Here, Let Us Blow That Up For You

Illuminated Site of the Week:

That headline may be more than a little unfair. Suffice it to say, we haven't mentioned the marvel that is the Large Hadron Collider before now, and it's time to rectify that. If you're a gamer, it's a good element to introduce if you'd like to promote time travel, massive explosions, dark matter, strange matter, and high technology. If you're a conspiracy theorist, it's an ill-conceived notion at best and an attack on mankind at worst. And if you're a science geek? Well, smashing particles into each other at nearly the speed of light just might unlock the secrets of the universe and revolutionize modern science. If you're into that sort of thing.
-- Andy

July 2, 2010: Illuminated Site of the Week: "Guns Don't Kill People . . ."

Illuminated Site of the Week:

". . . it's those darn bullets. The guns just make them go really fast." So warned Jake Johannsen, but now you can strafe an entire office with an AK-47 and no one will buy the farm. (Mind, someone will still lose an eye.) Jack Streat has devised a functioning Lego assault rifle over at the MOCpages, complete with rounds, a magazine, a slide, the works. Now dawns a new age of warfare, in which bunker busters must be able to penetrate Lincoln Logs stacked eight deep. We hope. Until someone gets on that, YouTube has the video.
-- Suggested by J. Michael Looney


June 12, 2010: Illuminated Site of the Week: I Never Heard Of Any Such Game

Illuminated Site of the Week:

The New World Order, the Illuminati -- it sounds like we wrote it. But no, it's ALL TRUE! It's a worldwide conspiracy involving identity and national resource cards, carbon footprints, and all the other devious machinations the Powers That Be employ to maintain a stranglehold on the Earth. And since it calls into question the activities of the Technocracy, the fine folks over at White Wolf must have had a hand in it, too, right? Anders Bruur Laurser, the author of the site Technocracy: Active, Ancient Satanistic Brotherhood, has been blogging about the evil Technocracy conspiracy. Commenters have pointed out that the Wikipedia article he cites is about a roleplaying game, but they haven't spoiled the fun. He now thinks it's got something to do with computers and calls it a "game-playing role," and he's still pretty sure it's all true even if a game company is involved. And, after all, he's on the Internet, so he has to be right.
We can't say it often enough: fnord!
-- Suggested by Jürgen Hubert

June 4, 2010: Illuminated Site of the Week: Axis & Allies & Aliens

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Their biggest moment is more than six decades in the rearview mirror, but the Nazis continue to pester us . . . with air superiority, no less. The optimistically named Time Travel Research Center has collected a series of grainy photographs, old magazine sheets, and, apparently, 1970s rock album covers to determine just how dangerous the Nazis became when they went to ground. In the, uh, air. So did they get their data from aliens, or are reports of ETs really of unknown clutches of Nazis testing their secret projects into the modern world? The page peers at historical personages in the field, the various advancements in power and flight technologies, and the blueprints, should someone finally wise up and try to close the flying saucer gap.
-- Suggested by Eric Newsom

May 1, 2010: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Brackets Are Already Filled Because "They" Know Who's Going To Win

Illuminated Site of the Week:

You've heard the phrase "American royalty," but do you know who they're talking about? Presidents, of course (and anyone Barbara Walters chooses to interview, but that's another enigma). Royal Presidents: Davidic Covenant Fulfilled in the United States lays it all out for you. Seems the Biblical King David was promised that one of his descendants would perpetually be on the throne of Israel, and somehow that piece of furniture has found its way to the Oval Office. Burke's Peerage has been choosing presidential winners for two centuries, and it's no accident it all comes down to how much royal blood runs through one's veins. Don't think there's really a family connection that links the presidents? Check the bottom of the page and see for yourself. Apology accepted.
-- Andy

April 24, 2010: Illuminated Site of the Week: Conspiracy The Uncovered

Illuminated Site of the Week: Aliens the Truth gathers quite a bit about our little green (or gray or . . .) friends. Their video collection (the site owners', not the aliens') alone is worth a visit, though a lot of these run to eight minutes or more. Someone seems to have taken the time to arrange things rather neatly, which is rare, so one may find links to all manner of new and interesting people and places. There's some fringe material there for ghosts and so on, too, if you know where to look, but that's the whole point of these pages, right? Keeping an eye out for inexplicably out-of-place stuff? You can help out. Send them your links, send them your videos, send them your stories, and send them your unused punctuation.

-- Suggested by Anders

April 18, 2010: Illuminated Site of the Week: Weighty Matters

Illuminated Site of the Week: Can we terraform Mars? Could Venus be made to support life? How do we mine the asteroid belt? Would a Lava Lamp work on Jupiter? Neil Fraser has too much time on his hands, so he agreed to check that last one. Several iterations and lots of broken equipment, later he had the answer sitting in his living room, frightening the neighbors and flipping breakers. Check out Mr. Fraser's centrifuge photos and video as science marches on . . . it's not like you're building a fusion drive in your living room, Einstein.

-- Suggested by Charles Oines

April 11, 2010: Illuminated Site of the Week: They Should Have Kept The Name

Illuminated Site of the Week: Billed as the fourth dimension of flight, Aeroscraft is the next wave in airships. See the world from the observation deck! Preview the future of Transhuman Space and Car Wars! Scout the terrain! Land anywhere! Invade your enemies!

The Wikipedia article says that it uses technology from the canceled DARPA WALRUS HULA airship. It's heartbreaking to think that something called WALRUS HULA could have been canceled, and we owe Aeroscraft a debt of gratitude for keeping the torch alight.

Imagine the nose art. Just imagine.

-- Suggested by Aaron Smith

March 6, 2010: Illuminated Site of the Week: A World Of War-Crafting

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Everyone already knows Lego bricks are great fun (at least, if you read the Daily Illuminator you already know it). Now turn a killer toy into killer fun with BrickArms. These folks have gone to entirely too much trouble to create customized weapons for your little soldiers - machine guns, bazookas, even a trusty bat. They have a couple of accessory parts that Lego really should have thought of already: the U-clip and the round minifig stand. They even offer entire custom minifigs . . . mustache-twirling villains and female sheriff's deputies. Get the weapons in different color sets. Get one weapon in multicolored glory. Get them in clear plastic. Give your tiny agent a briefcase with a tiny SMG in it. In fact, just get them, before the awesome overwhelms you.

-- Suggested by Edward Elder

February 26, 2010: Illuminated Site of the Week: . . . And Touch The Face Of God

Illuminated Site of the Week:

At the very least you'll get a good gander at it. The cutting edge of neurotheology is the God helmet, a device that lets you peer at . . . well, it's not wholly clear whether you'll see God or Christ or something/someone else entirely. And isn't that the beauty of science? The uncertainty that at any moment you could tune to the wrong channel in a metaphysical sense and be spiritually assaulted by Xenu or touched by the noodly appendage of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Contact with demonic entities and a host of other paranormal experiences is possible when this thing goes to work on your grey matter. There are software upgrades, and if you have any questions about your attempts to contact supreme beings, they have technical support.

-- Suggested by Michael Shermer

February 5, 2010: Illuminated Site Of The Week: Look, On The Uptown Bus!

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Been holding out for a hero? You and Bonnie Tyler both. The World Superhero Registry has a lot of promise, listing several heroes, active and retired. (If you're hoping to get help from one of them, you might want to enter them into your cell phone before you need them.) Several defenders of justice are recognized, but there are dozens of them pending or working their way up through the ranks (just in case you're a hero yourself and are in the market for a sidekick). No, we don't know anything about Doktor DiscorD, and there's no truth to the rumor that you never see him in the same room as SJ Games' staff. Honestly, how these things get started . . .

-- Andy

January 22, 2010: Illuminated Site Of The Week: We Have A Lot To Talk About

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Human consciousness, soul transference . . . these might seem like confusing subjects, but that's only because you haven't been to Earthscape yet. At that point, they become utterly baffling. If you're feeling down or self-destructive, that's just someone else riding shotgun on your soul and forcing you into weird behavior. Learn to understand the oversoul and its components (a "master soul unit" and seven individual soul units). The site puts your mind at ease about things like bionics - the writers realize that stories of aliens and shadow governments cast an unfair pall over these topics - and besides, the new hardware only inhabits your ethereal self.

-- Andy

January 8, 2010: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Name of the Game

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Think you know games? To ring in the new year, Steelhead Studio had their usual party, but with an unusual party game; indeed, their game was all about everyone else's games. To celebrate the 100th birthday of their house, they had 100 cupcakes - 100 game-themed cupcakes. Their choices included video games, boardgames, traditional games . . . a bit of everything fun. This is your chance to show off. Get all these right and you might have a job lined up in the lucrative gaming industry. Or - who knows - the lucrative cupcake industry.

-- Suggested by cliff

December 13, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: Something to Go On

Illuminated Site of the Week:

"The toilet is a part of the history of human hygiene which is a critical chapter in the growth of human civilisation." So sayeth Bindeshwar Pathak, curator and founder of the Sulabh International Toilet Museum . . . and yet, creating an institution dedicated to that portion of our history would seem to be a step backward, wouldn't it? We'll skip the obvious jokes about the facilities available at the museum and simply hit some of the high points. One may read up on his paper on the topic (apparently there's more than one historical use for the phrase "bucket brigade"). He lists some of the highlights in the device's evolution (though really, does anything beat just having them around?). And then there's the unfortunately named Sulabh Movement (we just report, we don't judge), the books, the statistics.

-- Andy


November 27, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: Here Are Your Instructions

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Agent, uh . . . "jodi"? . . . agent jodi is back at it. We assume "back," because if this is his (her?) first mission, she's (they're?) thinking two or three steps ahead of the rest of us. It's a code. Or a map. Several maps, perhaps. It's kind of like a computer game from the late 80s, only without the instruction manual, or tech support, or a clearly defined goal. Regardless, it cannot go unanswered. The site: unintelligible. The task: uncertain. Your mission: Dude, don't drag us into this.
-- Andy

November 14, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: Sun Of A Gun

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Remember Rob Cockerham? We mentioned him back in January of 2003. He's the guy who wanted to become the super-shopper by having an army of "cloned" superstore buyers' cards all linked back to him.

Well, it turns out this guy doesn't have an "off" switch – he's always up to some prank or another. It all starts as good fun, but as the light sharpener project shows, eventually one goes mad with power. Now an evil super-genius, he turns his intellect to the task of destroying the world one stick of butter or can of cola at a time. See the many steps required to build such an awesome weapon, and tremble at the thought that if he ever figures out how to point it at the ground at midday, he can liquidate us all.
-- Suggested by Dr. Kromm

October 31, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: Real Estate Has Gone To Hell

Illuminated Site of the Week:

The housing market is low - lower, in fact, than you think. Pandemonium Real Estate has listings for all the best properties in the Underworld. Want a lakeside view with a dock? Something overlooking the Styx? Don't wait to go to Hell before negotiating these things - order them now! And if you're convinced a loved one has one foot in the grave and another in perdition, it makes a lovely gift. They won't be able to enjoy the overly warm summer evenings on the veranda yet, but they'll receive a handsomely framed certficate informing them of their eternal reward. And anyway, no matter which side of mortality you're living on right now, you already know you're going to hate your neighbors.

-- Suggested by Michael P. Owen

October 24, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: Check The Website And See If It'll Eat You

Illuminated Site of the Week:

The Cryptid Zoo: A Menagerie of Cryptozoology is quite a mouthful, but if you don't want to become a mouthful for some bizarre, unidentified entity you may wish to bookmark this site. (That way you can be eaten by an identified entity.) It's chock-full of fiendish and freakish animals that share our planet but never actually step into the daylight - or moonlight, depending on their feeding habits. It looks well researched if, uh, that's how one should approach this, and has plenty of outside sources and cross-referencing. Familiar (ahem) names like Bigfoot and Nessie stand beside (relatively) esoteric critters like bunyips, kangaroos, shug monkeys . . . the list goes on.

Wait, what was that middle one again?

-- Andy

October 9, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Brass Ring Just May Grab You

Illuminated Site of the Week:

We'd call them sculptures, but they look more like they were born than built. No, it's not some creepy statue that looks eerily alive, it's a series of creepy statues that look eerily like a steampunk engineer's scrapheap took on a life of its own and went for a job interview. Quirky, crazy, and perfectly mesmerizing, the works of Kezanti combine metal and mannequins, engines and optical fibers . . . some are for looking, some are for touching, and a few are even for locomotion. Harlan Ellison says, "Some days you ride the talent, some days the talent rides you." Trust Kezanti to straddle the metaphor.

-- Suggested by Dave

September 18, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Price Of Freedom is Eternal Frothing

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Add The Vigilant Citizen to the list of those who Have Their Eye On Things. He (they?) track Conspiracy pawns like songstress Lady Gaga . . . in fact, a number of female pop singers show up on their radar. Apparently being vacuous is a tribute to mind control. (We are, as Dave Barry used to say, not making this up.) To be fair, there are guys who get the treatment, like, uhhh, Fred Flintstone? Okay, bad example. But there's hidden occultism in buildings everywhere, not to mention recent movies like Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (beyond the reviews it got, that is), and (SURPRISE!!!) Dan Brown novels. They'll even list the top five worst 9/11 memorials just to keep you on your toes.

-- Suggested by Andy

August 29, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: They're Feeling No Pain

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Can science create zombies? Well, not as far as YOU know. Can it explain zombies? Oh, absolutely, in all kinds of mutually contradictory ways. Can it describe the behavior of zombies in rigorous mathematical fashion? Well, that's the kind of question that could keep us all going for hours.

Except that the University of Ottawa beat us to it.

When Zombies Attack!: Mathematical Modelling of an Outbreak of Zombie Infection (the extra L in the title is the result of Canada in general) is 18 pages of equation-filled goodness, which, to quote the abstract, concludes by showing that "only quick, aggressive attacks can stave off the doomsday scenario: the collapse of society as zombies overtake us all." For extra credit, visit the site of one of the authors, Robert Smith?. (Yes, his name does include the punctuation. Click the link and read for yourself.)

-- Suggested by Pascal Godbout

August 14, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: Take The Monoatomic Gold And See How Far The Rabbit Hole Goes

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Alchemy gets an update for the new century: It now comes in powder and liquid forms. The Blue Emerald wants to usher you through the Membrane so you can see Truth as it truly is and not as part of the Faketrix, as the site settles on calling it. Eat the Truth, drink it, bathe in it if you have to . . . you paid a couple hundred for the three forms of "Activ8," so you get to make that call. And you'll do it through new eyes, once you've entered your Ultrabeing.
-- Suggested by Jerion Evans

August 13, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: ". . . 'Cause I Am Programmed to Take Care of You"

Illuminated Site of the Week:

You like your robots, right? So do firefighters, if it means not getting blown up. No longer limited to bomb-disposal units, Man's mechanical offspring now assist London emergency responders. Tanks of gas pose special dangers even after a blaze, and QinetiQ offers a series of robots to help. BBC News has the story and the video.
-- Suggested by Marcus Rowland

August 1, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: Stonehenge Is So Last Millennium

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Or rather, next millennium. Turns out it's not the oldest monument in that neighborhood by about a thousand years. Researchers at the Damerham Archaeology Project have discovered temples and tombs nearby, and they'll study them if they can get ploughs to stop rolling through there long enough to stick some stakes in the ground. Check out the story at the National Geographic Society; it's what all the hip kids are doing. Then again, we are coming to the party 6,000 years late.

-- Suggested by David Cunnius

July 19, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: Who Cares?

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Everyone uses and abuses it, but does anyone ever think to ask the Internet for its opinion? No, too busy selfishly ego-surfing and what not. If you would know, go to (their clunky nomenclature, not ours) and enter something into its search field. It then tells you roughly what the wired world's opinion is of the topic. Russell Crowe and Bigfoot are pretty popular, but then it's surprisingly enthusuastic about certain dictators, too. It loves character actor Richard Kiel, and still hates those hanging chads. Say, maybe it tells us it likes these things because it just wants to feel like it's a part of the crowd.

-- Suggested by Rob Kamm

July 10, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: "You Want to Get Out of Here, You Talk to Me"

Illuminated Site of the Week:

"Me" being Karol Bartoszynski, Road Warrior fan extraordinaire. He and his leather-clad friends from Roadwar USA love the Mad Max post-apocalyptic film series. How much? Well, they decided to reenact the climactic chase scene from the second movie, with killer cars swarming down the road in an endless fight for "Juice." They trick out their vehicles, head out on the highway, and start surrounding a rented tanker truck. Sure, they like the usual convention panels and roundtables too, but this event offers something way special. "Special" occasionally being a code for "a night in jail" (the amazing thing being that it only happened once -- io9 has the story).

-- Suggested by Jeremy Zauder

July 8, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: Mankind Fights Back

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Last time we told you about the likelihood of giant armored spiders roaming the countryside (short recap: Oh, it's comin'), but that was Mother Nature's fault . . . with just a little help from our industrialized society. Sensing somehow (spider senses?) that Mankind was flirting with disaster, someone has answered the call. It turned out to be a Canadian named Jaimie, who's also going to have a giant armored spider as soon as he finishes building it. There's a whole lot of video here, but if you haven't the patience or the bandwidth for that you can cruise around and look at his other projects, including shots of the various injuries Jaimie has sustained in his quest to keep us at the top of the food chain.

-- Suggested by Dave

June 16, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: Catches Tanks, Any Size

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Still think global warming is just a liberal joke? Then perhaps you'd like to explain how funny it is that, thanks to this inexorable process, the Earth will soon face spiders the size of bank vaults, smart guy. Actually you don't have to: National Geographic has done it for you. They're paid to be all scientific and stuff, though, so for the real story, check The Register. The spiders, they're bigger, they're bulletproof, they're Danish . . . sure, they start small, but they grow up, people. They grow up.

-- Suggested by David Smallwood

Also: Randy's Out There, Somewhere.

Almost forgot: Randy's at Dragons Den Comics and Games tonight from 6-9pm, in Sioux Falls, SD!

May 22, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: . . . And That Jonas Brothers Music Follows Me Everywhere

Illuminated Site of the Week:

We know what you're thinking: Everything is a conspiracy. We know this because our spies report it back to us. But with Freedom From Covert Harassment and Surveillance, at least you know the early warning signs like alienated friends and a prickly sensation on your skin. You also discover the evasive value of wet blankets, hear instructional videos (find out if you are a "Manchurian candidate"), and get to join the class-action lawsuit.

You know, these guys are asking for a lot of personal information . . .

-- Andy

May 15, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: Art Imitates Lifeforms

Illuminated Site of the Week:

If the purpose of art is to hold the mirror up to nature, the world must be one freaky-deaky place . . . at least according to artist Elisabeth Buecher. Most of her work is done with the intention of sparking environmental discussions. Some of it, like Stepparquet, is actually a bit practical, while other items are outright disturbing. And the cherry on the sundae? A few pieces allow your shower to attack you. And no, we don't have GURPS stats for that. Yet.

-- Suggested by Warren Okuma

May 9, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: Their Mind Oeuvre Matters

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Bad enough the economy is in the dumps; now we're having to import our news of weird happenings from overseas. The British Psychological Society's Research Digest blog tracks stories of just how amazing the human brain can be, especially when there's a screw or two rolling around loose. Ghostly self-images, stroke victims in denial, and people who speak in tongues are just a few of their fascinating case studies. Some of the stories are fine fodder for a GURPS Illuminati, Horror, or Psionic Powers game, but they're all good for pointing up that the greatest journey most of us can take is inside our own minds.

-- Suggested by Ben Edmans

May 1, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: "Search-And-Rescue" Missions . . . Riiight

Illuminated Site of the Week:

It's mind control . . . if you call what a bug has a "mind." As if the oversized flower beetle wasn't imposing enough in its own right, it now frightens the world with a cybernetic hookup from the University of California and DARPA. Sure, they can "only" manage to make it go left, right, start, and stop, but with the potential to carry cameras and heat sensors, it's already in danger of becoming a bad "bug" pun in intelligence circles. Read all about the declassified bits in MIT's Technology Review.

-- Suggested by Pascal Godbout

April 25, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: Open The Pod-Bay Doors With Brute Strength

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Assuming it's not another movie publicity stunt, it looks like the real Cyberdyne in Japan is going to mass produce a mechanical exoskeleton that multiplies the user's strength. This device, affectionately called Robot Suit HAL, should allow compensation for physical ailments; extreme mountain climbing; and bit-parts in upcoming comic-book films. The company (the "leading edge of cybernics"?) is prepared to charge the princely sum of $4,200 American for their modern marvel, according to secondhand reports in h+ Magazine.

-- Suggested by Clifford Anderson

April 17, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: Please Allow Six To Eight Decades For Delivery

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Someone's been leaving pyramids lying around all over the world like discarded lottery tickets. The planet's lousy with them, in fact, and Professor Robert Schoch thinks he knows who's at fault. Like a tribe of seafaring Johnny Appleseeds, a mysterious group of primordial masons has been all over the world depositing these monolithic wonders at each stop. If his books don't sate the appetite for knowledge, take one of the professor's courses at Boston University.

-- Andy

April 11, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Only People You Can Depend On Are You

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Burt Goldman has discovered the means to self-discovery and personal improvement: He asks himself what he would do. No, not in the sense of introverted examination . . . he actually goes to one of the universes next door and talks to his alternate-world selves. That's how he learned to sing and paint, among other things. One can only wonder what his alternate selves came here to learn from him. He's offering a few lessons on Quantum Jumping for free. No word on when WWBGD? T-shirts will be made available; presumably he's the only one who would buy them.

If no one buys into his story, no worries. Burt still has that American Monk gig to fall back on.

-- Suggested by Anders Starmark

April 3, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: A Little Help?

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Warehouse 23 is endless, or so rumor has it. So what is The SCP Foundation? The same thing? Another branch? A competitor? A clever disinformation campaign? Some or all of the above?

You could . . . ring the doorbell and ask.

What could go wrong?

-- Suggested by Michael Hahn

March 20, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Unreal Deal

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Reverend Bob Larson, who appeared in the four-episode TV series The Real Exorcist, doesn't have to come to you to help you with your personal case of demonic possession - he can send you his material on DVD.

Hold on . . . almost three days worth of viewing? Forget it, just take the 21-question Do You Have A Demon? quiz at his site.

-- Suggested by Doug Haxton

March 13, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: Who You Gonna Call?

Illuminated Site of the Week:

If your house is infested with demons, the Paranormal Clergy Institute, an offshoot of the Catholic Church, warns you not to take them on yourself . . . that is, unless you've taken their courses. They're all free, unless you want to buy Bishop Long's book. The team can't stress the perils enough, even on their radio show where they promise "fun times and great entertainment!" Kind of makes you feel sorry for the demons.

-- Suggested by Rob Lusteck

February 27, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: Podcast People

Illuminated Site of the Week:

What started as a series of articles looks to have become a podcast about conspiracies and skepticism. Karl Mamer, The Conspiracy Skeptic, invites folks from his growing list of skeptics to expound on what the blazes is going on. The first mystery: Why are the shows and articles listed oldest to newest? The roots go deeper than anyone suspected.

-- Suggested by Anders Starmark

February 20, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: When Is The County Going To Install Those Potholes?

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Zack Anderson and his team at MIT have created a shock absorber that not only cushions a car ride, it derives power from any bumps and jolts along the way. This isn't as practical as, say, his Warcart or the automated party machine, but it did get a disproportionate amount of press from Tech Fragments.

-- Suggested by David Cunnius

February 8, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: You Thought Magnetic Tape Was Slow

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Michael Wright, a former curator at the Science Museum in London and now at Imperial College, has built a replica of the Antikythera mechanism. (Remember it? We mentioned it in the January 5th, 2007 Site of the Week about two years ago. Do not be alarmed.) And he cranked it up and turned it on. And it works. No word yet on when we can expect it to achieve sentience and subvert mankind. But it's coming. Wired has the story.
-- Suggested by legere

January 30, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: What's Taking So Long?

Illuminated Site of the Week:

It's Real Snail Mail. No, not a quaint modern quip or a wry observation about obsolete societal infrastructure. It's mail, delivered by snails, the semi-squishy critters in your garden. Boredom Research has found a way to harness the underwhelming power of the snail and use it to forward your missives, employing more technology than should really be dedicated to an aquarium full of gastropods. Yet . . . the mail gets through!

January 24, 2009: Illuminated Site of the Week: When You Glow, You Can Always Find Your Way

Illuminated Site of the Week:

The seas north of Russia are cold, inhospitable, and isolated. Night reigns 100 days out of every year, but before the invention of GPS, someone had to show ships the way lest they crash upon the jagged rocks. So who ran the lighthouses? No one. The Russians installed a few nuclear generators and left them running. They've stopped now . . . stopped performing as lighthouses, anyway. They still pump out plenty of wattage for anyone who cares to loot, get irradiated, and mutate the local wildlife.

-- Suggested by Stefan Jones

December 5, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Toy Safety

Illuminated Site of the Week:

The cutting edge of security is now made of Lego. They say you can keep all your valuables protected inside this safe because it has billions of combinations and an alarm-equipped motion sensor.

But the first thing anyone's going to steal is the safe.
-- Suggested by Rick Thomas

November 23, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Cuttin' And Scratchin' Are Aspects Of Their Game

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Ever played one of those games where you try to out-Google each other, coming up with a word combination that appears most often in a search engine? Now you've got musical and video accompaniment as DJ Battle adds imagery to an animated DJ-bot based on your choices.

-- Suggested by Gavin Coughlan

October 18, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Pole Positions

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Nothing good explodes out from under the polar ice caps, and make no mistake, when the members of the International Polar Year program go in search of knowledge, it will explode. Have they never read Don A. Stuart or H.P. Lovecraft? Ignore these initials at your peril. We were particularly taken with the notion that they're going to delve for dirt on the buried Gamburtsev mountain range, also called the "ghost peaks." The BBC has the story.
-- Ben Edmans

September 27, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: That'll Come In Handy

Illuminated Site of the Week:

When you're lost on some isolated country road, your biggest concern shouldn't be the embarrassment of asking for directions - it should be whether you'll run afoul of a cult looking for new members. To mount an effective resistance, bookmark Apologetics Index, your one-stop shop for fighting mind control. Since they'll probably take away your Internet access, you'll want to order a book or two. The cult won't be expecting you to go analog.

-- Andy

September 8, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: It's The Size Of The Fight In The Dog

Illuminated Site of the Week: Boston Dynamics would like you to know how far they've come with the BigDog. This quadraped robot traverses difficult terrain and makes a sound like a cross between a leaf blower and a cricket doing Tibetan chants. It won't be sneaking up on enemies any time soon, but it can carry packs uphill - and it keeps going even when some cruel scientist kicks it like it had rabies. Check out the video to see it walk through rocks, skid on ice, and dance.

-- Suggested by Freya

September 5, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Actual Falsehoods

Illuminated Site of the Week:

It's been observed that if you go to Wikipedia for your "facts," you're relying on the argumentative members of the general public to get things right. The beauty of The Arcana Wiki is that you're getting information about stuff that's already not real. The site is building up a storehouse of fantastic, unknown, or just plain entertaining information about people, places, and things. Some of these are imaginary, but there's real stuff, too - it just gets steeped in legend or boiled down to the most amusing bits. Use it for everything from writing fiction to developing your RPG campaign, and hey, you can even help write more of it. Just try to get your facts straight, okay? Otherwise people have to use Arcana's links back to Wikipedia and the irony might kill someone.
-- Jürgen Hubert

August 29, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Kind Of Redundant, Isn't It?

Illuminated Site of the Week:

Unexplained Mysteries are the best kind. This site offers snippets of all that is enigmatic in the world, and lets visitors talk about it at the forums. Einstein's theories, ape "planning," and lawsuits between the Knights Templar and the pope . . . okay, so maybe some of this can be explained, but it should be an entertaining story regardless.
-- Andy

August 15, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Map Is The Make-Believe Territory

Illuminated Site of the Week: Fantasy Cartography. No, the maps aren't imaginary, they just depict imaginary places like Tolkien's Middle-earth (with hexes, no less); the path of Glen Cook's Black Company; and Grand Rapids, Michigan. Lost trying to visualize the landscape while reading a fantasy novel? Maybe they've got what you need. And if they don't, you can help them plug holes in their knowledge base.

-- Suggested by Kira

August 9, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Let The Sun Shine

Illuminated Site of the Week: Daniel G. Nocera, professor of energy and chemistry at MIT, may have found an efficient way to store all the solar energy that we gather before the sun goes down. He can tell you about "time-resolved spectroscopies (from femtoseconds to milliseconds)," or you could read the somewhat more accessible story in the MIT news.

-- Suggested by Ed Elder

August 1, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Really Popular Art

Illuminated Site of the Week: Maybe you don't know much about art, but you can find out what you like. In fact, you can find out what everyone likes, and what they don't. The Komar and Melamid Homepage lists the results of its intensive look at what makes people tick when viewing art, with information fed to them from around the globe. Want to know how your tastes stack up against Turkey? Is there really some sort of commonality about what's good?

-- Ed Elder

July 25, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Dig This

Illuminated Site of the Week: Wiltshire is ready to give up its secrets. Long have people wondered about its mysterious site: Who built it? What is its purpose? What power lies beneath the unsuspecting populace's feet?

Huh? Stonehenge? No, not that pile of rocks. The secret underground city built by the Ministry of Defence for the benefit of government officials. An entire city with miles of roads awaits.

An ancient calendar? Pfft . . . can it support 4,000 people? No, we didn't think so.

-- Suggested by Shawn Fisher

July 20, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Oh, Wait, You're Serious?

Illuminated Site of the Week: Well, this time, yeah. A lot of folks show off their technological, uhhh . . . we'll call them "innovations" . . . on the Internet, but occasionally it turns out someone's actually doing something that doesn't require timecubes or free energy or wombat blood. The Daily Ill has featured Sandia National Labs here and there for things that caught our fancy, but if you cast a wider net you see it's high time they were recognized for their bionic contact lenses, or their neutron scatter camera, or their lightweight, high-caliber, self-propelled cannon system, or . . .

You know, on second thought, you could just get a job there. That'd be easier.

-- Suggested by John Evans

July 11, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Knock, Knock

Illuminated Site of the Week: We already showed you Entrances to Hell, a cautionary tale for those readers surrounded by the infernal in the UK, but if you're willing to travel further afield you'll find Darvaz has a door of its own. This passage in Russia leads straight to you-know-where, but it has something other portals don't: video.

-- Suggested by Eric Newsom

July 5, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Someone Had To Commission It

Illuminated Site of the Week: We may be building it, dreading it, or trying to prevent it, but Dezeen architecture and design magazine finds it cool and so should you. Whether anticipating the coming ecological disasters or trying to get above them, there's wonder and mystery to be had. And it won't hurt to make friends with one of the visionaries involved. Hey, that animal has another animal on its snout.

-- Suggested by Tori Bergquist

June 27, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: And A Side Order Of "Huh?"

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you seek the answers, find Truth & Revelations, but bring a pocket calculator. You may not have to show all work, but the answers seem to be focused on numbers. Unlike many sites that delve into the deep questions, this one is pretty clean and skimps on the graphics. Very much like those sites, it skimps on grammar and spelling. But hey, non-profits have to cut costs somewhere, and subtracting those language arts lessons probably adds up to savings.

-- Suggested by gido

June 20, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Who's Gonna Clean Up This Mess?

Illuminated Site of the Week: The least an alien can do if he's going to kidnap hapless humans for bizarre experiments is have the decency to put them back where he found them once he's done with them. Should the abductors prove to be a bit absent-minded, a little reminder is in order. The Location Earth Dog Tags display graphical and mathematical information that remind one's host which planet he got these latest specimens from.

-- Suggested by Freya

June 13, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Mail Man Of God

Illuminated Site of the Week: The end-time is going to be inconvenient in so many ways, not least because the postal service is going to blow (unless your mail carrier practices, say, Shintoism). The Post-Rapture Post is a surefire way to see that anyone you love who, sadly, did not accept Christ as his personal Lord and Savior, knows how you feel once you've ascended into Heaven. These nice, atheistic folks see that your letter is delivered. It seems premature to have testimonials at the site, but these people seem pretty pleased with the service so far.

-- Suggested by Marcus Rowland

June 6, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: See A Penny, Pick It Up . . .

Illuminated Site of the Week: . . . the rest of the day, you'll have good luck. Or the first of the almost two trillion cents you'll need to fill the Empire State Building. Love them or hate them, pennies are everywhere (which seems to be why people love them or hate them), and The Megapenny Project tries to give a sense of scale to the little copper nuisances with a series of abstract exercises. Ostensibly a lesson for kids and math fans, it's another of those "What if" illustrations that may have less to do with science than it does with wish fulfillment. Go on - pretend you haven't wondered what all the pennies look like.

-- Suggested by Rev. Pee Kitty

May 30, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Captain Goes Down With His Real Estate

Illuminated Site of the Week: Freedom Ship - the City at Sea is like something out of a movie. It promises a chance to live life on a floating town (kind of like Waterworld), with all the amenities in a self-contained community (kind of like Shivers), headed to exotic ports of call (like Titanic). Come to think of it, most of the films it calls up . . . well, it sounds like a cool idea anyway. Just the sort of innovation you want from a man running for president in his spare time.

-- Suggested by Alex Ackerly

May 27, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Yes, And You Just Keep Going On About It

Illuminated Site of the Week: The Perpetual Motion Generator is not to be toyed with, just built in your garage. Treat the technology with kid gloves - the author has generously decided to reconstruct his device, having destroyed the original when he considered the effect on the economy of the Middle East. Watch for salty language and pockets of free energy.

-- Suggested by Tiago Hackbarth

May 17, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: He Was Never Here, He Did Not Sign Your Book

Illuminated Site of the Week: There has to be a go-to guy for the worldwide conspiracy, someone the regular Joes can talk to without all that initiation and chanting, right? It's probably Trevor Paglen, though that's all you're gettin' out of him or us. He spends a lot of time dissecting renditions, secret operations, and the symbology so favored by special forces. Don't blame us if you disappear for the sake of a potential best-seller.

-- Suggested by DryaUnda

May 9, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Early To Bed, Early To Die

Illuminated Site of the Week: It's not enough the world has things keeping you awake at night and a plethora of items to plague your dreams, now they're getting you in that space between waking and sleeping. The Sleep Invaders are, according to this site, malevolent entities that want . . . uh, well the site isn't really clear on what they want. That must be why they offer you the book; it has all the answers. Could be another fly-by-night operation, assigning all the woes of life to otherworldly critters, but that's one spooky - and surprisingly well-produced - video.

-- Suggested by Kim Bernard

May 4, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Because No One Knows What A Foon Is

Illuminated Site of the Week: A spork, if you've ever been to a greasy fast-food joint for lunch, is a combination fork and spoon. Not just useful for eating fried meals, the revolutionary Battlespork helps with dental hygiene. It stops diseases in their tracks. It's a utensil and a razor and . . . okay, that's enough now.

-- Suggested by Tony Hitchens

April 25, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Never Infringe On Someone Who Has Nukes

Illuminated Site of the Week: It is not recommended you attempt to recreate any part of the country's nuclear arsenal. Why? Because you'll bring down the full wrath of the patent office. Alex Wellerstein points out that the United States tried for a lot of Atomic Patents while working on the Manahattan Project. Bad enough to be tagged for stealing state secrets, but pirating the technology is just uncalled for. Remember, those before you have already built these things.

-- Suggested by Ed Elder

April 18, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Old Books Best To Read, Old Wine Best To Drink

Illuminated Site of the Week:

The Secret Masters really have it in for you. Mind-altering drugs have undisciplined effects, torture is inefficient, and the orbital mind-control lasers sport a power bill that will make your head swim. (Ahem.) The solution? Nostalgia by the bucket. Retro Thing is one of those sites that grabs hold of you, fires your imagination, and refuses to let you go. Days later, you realize you forgot about the wedding and have in all likelihood been unemployed for over a week. Board games, computer consoles, books, movies, comics, fashions . . . they're not old, they're retro.

Ooo, Micronauts.
-- Suggested by Michael Kerney

April 12, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Data, Data, Data, I Cannot Make Bricks Without Clay

Illuminated Site of the Week: A lot of these sites tell you they'll help you see past society's hooey, but at Cutting Through the Matrix with Alan Watt, they take their time. He lists his three book titles, and that's about all the direct information you get until you work your way past the ads. After that, you can download audio recordings of his appearances and slowly build up a picture of where he's coming from. It's hard to say whether he's working with or against the Masons, but he draws the line at Reptile People. Let's not get nutty.

-- Suggested by j.

April 4, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: They Laughed At You At The University

Illuminated Site of the Week: And in grade school. And at the church picnic. And when you broke into the Museum of Natural History to attack the Early Man exhibit. If you're not careful, they're going to continue delighting themselves thusly at your predicament right up until you fail the HPLHS SaniTest; then it's straight into the hatch with you. See how you stack up against other crazy people . . . which, according to the site, is something of a redundancy.

-- Suggested by Janx

March 28, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Okay, You Can Start Doomsday Now

Illuminated Site of the Week: The Svalbard Global Seed Vault is up and running. It's everyone's answer to the potentially disastrous loss of food sources throughout the world (though Norway is picking up the tab). All anyone has to do is put a healthy sampling of seeds for major crops therein and they'll be safe in case some plague withers eveything on the vine (until the Nazis hiding out in the Arctic catch wind of this, anyway). Hurry, this space is going fast. It's expected to be filled within the next three generations, so reserve your space now. Sadly, this bank probably still closes after four o'clock.

-- Suggested by Walter Schirmacher

March 21, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Aw, You Can Use Facts To Prove Anything

Illuminated Site of the Week: Years of movies and conspiracy theories have taught us the obvious, that if you want to protect your brainwaves you need a tinfoil beanie. But On the Effectiveness of Aluminium Foil Helmets: An Empirical Study would have us believe folks at MIT have done experiments proving this isn't the case. Hmm . . . then again, they have a lot of "equipment" and use "science," so maybe we'd better hear what they have to say.

-- Suggested by Digo Rodriguez

March 15, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Who's Going To Clean Up All This Science?

Illuminated Site of the Week: They call it the Implosion Group on Dan Winter's Fractal Science, but it's more like an explosion - there's stuff all over the site, literally. It looks like a digital monkey has been flinging virtual data poo at your screen. If you're made of stern stuff, though, you can find how to measure empathy and radiate immortality. Light, the site suggests, comes to know itself when folded backward, like some sort of time-traveling cocktail party, so you know Mr. Winter must be great fun at a college kegger.

-- Suggested by syberghost

March 7, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: With Tiny Little "Ka-Chunk Ka-Chunk" Noises

Illuminated Site of the Week: Here's your obligatory link to the dependable GURPS Steampunk. You're going to want that after touring Crabfu SteamWorks, a collection of devices that never were but really ought to be. (When's science gonna get on that, by the way?) See pictures, get dimensions, find out how they were built, and view movies with them in operation. For a site about toys, this is pretty serious business.

-- Suggested by Freya

March 1, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Fruit Flies Like A Banana

Illuminated Site of the Week: The mind of the artist is an unfathomable animal, but it's not hard to see why someone would want to establish a geostationary banana over Texas. Come on, it would be a banana, after all, flying in the sky over Texas. Not in space, mind you . . . show an ounce of reason. But a high-tech blimp on automatic? Kennedy would have been proud.

Of course, it could just be a magnificent hoax, but let us hope with all our hearts that it is not.

-- Suggested by Jon Glenn

February 23, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Graduates, You Are At A Crossroads

Illuminated Site of the Week: A moral crossroads, where you must decide: Can you get away with lying about your higher education? Heck, if all those celebrities can get an "honorary degree," why shouldn't you be able to lay it on a little thick about your salad days at Impressive Pillars University? The International Association of Fake Universities will back you up on your story, generating a fake diploma to polish up that resume.

-- Suggested by Susan Rati Lane

February 16, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: WWJA?

Illuminated Site of the Week: Who's going to warn you of incoming attacks? Who can you count on to keep the peace? Who has your best interests at heart? No, not Dick Cheney. Even better, it's Threat Alert Jesus. Like a weather radio for the War on Terror, he's linked into the Department of Homeland Security and he'll tell you when the threat level has been updated. His halo even changes to fit the current color.

-- Suggested by Erik Wilson and John Walchak

February 9, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Flying Spaghetti Monster Is Within You!

Illuminated Site of the Week: Or he will be, if you follow these great instructions for creating edible googly-eyes and going on from there to Flying Spaghetti Monster Cookies. Great for the next meeting of your Discordian cabal, church group, or school board.

-- Suggested by Marcus L. Rowland

February 1, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: An Infinite Number Of Humans

Illuminated Site of the Week: "Oh. Well, then stop." So sayeth the Goddess in Her wisdom, but why do we do the things we do to each other? David Wong thinks he knows, and he shares his thoughts at the rather adult but nevertheless hysterical Inside the Monkeysphere. There's something truly profound in his essay, which raises the question: Why is he working in anonymity on the Internet? He must not travel in our circles. Humph.

-- Suggested by Chuck McGriff

January 26, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: When Leet-Speak Makes Too Much Sense

Illuminated Site of the Week: The ET Corn Gods Game is based on the claim of a meeting between an alien and an engineer. The visitor told of hidden messages throughout the English language, and the Code involves alphanumeric values, the periodic table, and the Bible (so anyone wanting to play has some serious homework ahead of him). The results are as entertaining as they are baffling. Those into word games will love it; those who just want to speak the English language without dissecting it will be tearing their hair out. Are they serious? Hard to tell, but it's an epic expenditure of spare time either way.

-- Suggested by Dan Rice

January 19, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: 16,000 Joules On The Barbie

Illuminated Site of the Week: The behavior of engineers in Australia is nothing short of shocking. Tesla Down Under shows off a lot of experiments with liquid oxygen and lasers and what have you, but most of the site is given over to electricity. Some of the displays are tongue-in-cheek (like the anti-theft car device), but much of this stuff rises to the level of art . . . art that uses enough juice to send Marty McFly through time. See the stunning photos, watch the breath-taking video, and give thanks you don't live on this fellow's street.

-- Suggested by John

January 11, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Don't Believe Everything You Write

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you didn't know, the world is going to end in 2012 (according to the Mayan calendar, anyway), so plan your vacation accordingly. If you were aware of this but just wanted more information about humanity's big finish, you couldn't ask for a more comprehensive page than Beyond 2012. Don't get too excited, though, because the page's owner examines these reports looking for evidence of a hoax.

Wait . . . debunking? Can he do that?

-- Suggested by David Cunnius

January 8, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Make A Joyful ---*

Illuminated Site of the Week: Those New Zealanders really know how to pamper a mutt. The Auckland SPCA is offering a CD for your canine pal, a series of songs at such a high pitch only he can hear it. Enjoy the accompanying video . . . the visual part of it anyway, unless you eat breakfast out of a bowl on the floor. Those funny looks Fido is giving you are just bemused delight, not something else encoded on the disc. Go about your two-legged business.

-- Suggested by Lisa J. Steele

January 4, 2008: Illuminated Site of the Week: Let There Be Light Speed

Illuminated Site of the Week: You may be done with the Bible Code, but it's not done with you. offers pages (and pages and pages . . . ) of material about the secrets the Good Book conceals, from sacred prophecy to Scott Peterson, from Ebola to cold fusion. The author isn't shy about his sponsors, and offers unexpected gems of insight like:
"If there is a third bright comet in year 2007-2010, I would not be surprised if it is red in color."
It's like having hundreds of books in one.

-- Andy

December 29, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: A Very Dagon Christmas

Illuminated Site of the Week: It's just as well that Yule is over; even as a last-minute gift, the Innsmouth Look leaves a lot to be desired. That's not to say it isn't a source of Christmas spirit, though. It even has its own holiday video. But where most YouTube movies are dull or amateurish or both, It's Beginning to Look Alot Like Fishmen is neither (well, excepting the typo in the title).

-- Suggested by Erik Wilson

December 7, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: You Need A Tower Just To Store All The Theories

Illuminated Site of the Week: There's a lot yet to uncover in this fascinating world. The computer game Second Life is a mask for the Illuminati. Perennial favorite Dungeons & Dragons has been "upgraded" to a computer game to work its evil in a technological society. The number 23 is working several shifts for everyone from the Twin Towers to Oprah. And all that was just the beginning of the year. BluePrint of Babylon Exposed shows that if you have nothing better to do, you can find occult significance in just about any number (check out especially the "proof" that binary 666 is "really" 1111). This site will give the modern conspiracy theorist every excuse he needs to keep the tinfoil beanie on for years to come.

-- Suggested by Jeremy Zauder

November 30, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Ecretsay Odescay

Illuminated Site of the Week: Human history is written in encoded messages . . . at least, that's what our Captain Midnight secret decoder rings reveal to us. See how they did it in an age of analog (from 1917 on, anyway) at Cipher Machines & Cryptology, refreshingly free as it is of annoying substitution ciphers.

-- Suggested by Dirk Rijmenants

November 23, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Pi A La Mode

Illuminated Site of the Week: They say math and music are two sides of the same coin, and never was that more true than when YTMND puts pi to song. Turn down your speakers until you know just how firmly you want the classroom rhythm to grab you.

-- Suggested by Kuranes

November 16, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: So When Does The Patent Run Out?

Illuminated Site of the Week: You can stop trying to invent time travel. It's been done. Or it will have been done. But since it's here now, in the past, our present, they could probably erase anyone who tries to take credit for their undiscovered equipment. Chronos Technologies, Inc., established 2105, is on the cutting edge with time gates and what-have-you. Their finances can't all depend on taking advantage of the ponies, so don't forget to visit the gift shop.

-- Andy

November 10, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: What Are You Afraid Of?

Illuminated Site of the Week: What are the odds that you'll die in a car crash, a terrorist attack, a house invasion? Will your identity be stolen? has the musings, articles, and blog of security expert Bruce Schneier. He even shows a grudging admiration for some of the plots people come up with to fool, irritate, and rob the innocent. His message could be boiled down to "You're afraid of the wrong things.

-- Suggested by Richard Thomas

October 26, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Micro-Escalation

Illuminated Site of the Week: It's somehow poetic to see a cross-pollination of ideas when you're constructing mechanical insects. If you remember Berkeley's robofly, you'll be pleased to know their colleagues - like Professor Robert Wood - at Harvard have managed to develop their own fabrication process to solve some of the trickier problems involved. MIT's Technology Review has the story. Look for the results during a private meeting near you.

-- Suggested by Loren Wiseman

October 19, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: I Can Haz Internet Hitz?

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you're one of those sorts who, confronted with the darling kitty memes of Lolcats, thinks cat fanciers need to get a life, Lolthulhu is the outlet for your geek superiority complex. Risk your sanity and you may find some amusement in their growing library of photoshopped freak exhibits. Some of the stuff is funny, and some brushes close to adult material, so get permission from your Mythos investigator before entering that address.

-- From multiple suggestions

October 12, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: . . . Lest We Look Like Tookish Fools

Illuminated Site of the Week: Dungeons & Dragons and The Lord of the Rings: They just go together. Actually, when you look at Shamus Young's Twenty Sided, you realize nothing could be further from the truth. It's been too long, and the bloodlines have become corrupted.

-- Suggested by Niels Ull HarremoÄs

October 5, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Mad Science Is In The Genes

Illuminated Site of the Week: Want kids to join you in your love of all things geek? Get the tykes started with their own magnetic gauss gun. Still have time left in your Saturday afternoon? The mother site, Science Toys, offers them the chance to build solar-powered hotdog grills and stuff. The site isn't all weapons and military domination (just the good parts). Wait . . . a magnetic ring launcher? That's even better than the rocket. Well, almost.

-- Suggested by John Guin

September 28, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: No Blood For Evian

Illuminated Site of the Week: Drag yourself into the 21st century. According to the Water-Powered Car website, all our internal combustion technology is based on outmoded ideas from the time of Faraday. You've heard about vehicles that run on steam or H20, but the waters run deeper than that. We'd tell you about the 9/11 plot, the oil companies, and the Department of Energy, but you can probably work most of that out for yourself.

-- Andy

September 22, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Coin Of The Realm

Illuminated Site of the Week: Nothing kills a vacation to the South Pole faster than hitting a snag with the exchange rate at the bank or customs office. No longer need visitors fear this, as Antarctica now has its own currency. Dream Dollars shows off the new coin for the way-down-under wayfarer. There's also some information about lucid dreaming, presumably in case you end up freezing and hallucinating in a snow bank. But at least you'll never short-change the penguins again.

-- Suggested by Matt

September 17, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Flivvers To Set Your Heart Aflutter

Illuminated Site of the Week: If there were such a thing, the wondrous world of Steampunk would be well represented by Brass Goggles, a combination blog and resource for all things steam-tech. It could almost be said it's too much steampunk.

If there were such a thing.

-- Suggested by Conrad Noche

September 7, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: A Little Learning Is A Dangerous Thing

Illuminated Site of the Week: People scoff when someone cites Wikipedia as a resource; who wants to trust important matters to a freely editable document that depends on average people to nail down the truth? But in the fight against the Lovecraft Mythos, any intelligence is useful. Hie thee to the Uncyclopedia article on Great Cthulhu. When are the end times? What can be done? Can the evil be stopped? What does the Great Old One like to drink? Hint: It ain't seawater.

-- Suggested by CthulhuBob Lovely

August 31, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: As Below, Not Above

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you like sites dedicated to weird things like aliens and the supernatural, half your ship has come in. Obiwan's UFO-Free Paranormal Page wants you to share your bizarre stories of visits from beyond the grave, snapshots, and nothing in the way of UFOlogy (they admit spacecraft could be responsible for some sightings, they just don't want to talk about it). Beware the links that take you back to where you started; it's all just a ghostly glamor.

-- Andy

August 25, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: The All-You-Can-Banish Buffet

Illuminated Site of the Week: You thought they were secret masters, but it turns out the Illuminati are just tasty snacks. At Supernatural Spirit, Psi-Lord Tim Rifat offers to eliminate (and "shred"!) any and all kinds of weird beings, from aliens to cryptozoids. His prices are reasonable (current special: spend $600 and Soul Rescue is free) - but if he consumes the psi energy of the things he kills, should he be charging you at all? After all, you just bought him lunch.

-- Suggested by lilith

August 18, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Science Ain't Pretty

Illuminated Site of the Week: The Leading Edge International Research Group is so far out ahead it's hard to see where they're coming from . . . er, so to speak. Some of their content is pumped in from other websites, some of it is original, and all of it is baffling. A haphazard clearinghouse for everything from air traffic to orbital traffic, from an analytical chronology of fluoridation to the astrology of history, you can find just about anything. Must mean truth is in there somewhere, too, right?

-- Suggested by observer

August 11, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: When Slide Rules Ruled The Earth

Illuminated Site of the Week: History is worth preserving, as are the tools that took us there. So says the Oughtred Society, dedicated to the celebration of calculating devices (though it all looks like slide rules from here). Meet with others who share that sense of nostalgia, find manuals like "the long awaited K&E Salisbury Products Division Slide Rules," and get answers to burning questions. Sorry, kids, the one question they don't answer is "What's a slide rule?"

-- Suggested by Bob Portnell

August 3, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: It Comes With Superstrings Attached

Illuminated Site of the Week: Once you've got the Unified Field, what do you do with it? Give total consciousness to your students, of course. Maharishi Central University promises a new age of enlightened peace and understanding on their campus, to be built at the exact center of the United States. Sound too good to be true? Well, if it was a scam, there'd be contact info for someone other than the professors . . . right?

-- Suggested by William J. Keith

July 20, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Kids, Don't Try This At Home

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you're tired of getting sand kicked in your face, give yourself over to Berzerker - Viking Fighting Arts. Learn to spear, spike, hit, scream, and slam like the Norsemen. Can't make the seminars? Buy the DVDs. Can't afford the DVDs? May we shamelessly suggest GURPS Vikings? We're "crazy" about them, too.

-- Suggested by TheOneTrueSpongeOfDoom

July 15, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Numbers Go Round And Round

Illuminated Site of the Week: Is it really illuminated, or just really pretty? Visit to see the numbers rolled up into bigger and bigger patterns. The text becomes more impenetrable with every page, but the accompanying illustrations look like they might . . . mean . . . something . . .

-- Suggested by lilith

July 6, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Snakes . . . Why'd It Have To Be Snakes?

Illuminated Site of the Week: Aliens and UFO Art is an odd thing to call your site when your contention seems to be that the artwork actually serves to reveal a sinister alien side to your subjects. People in the highest echelons of power hide their true origins, and some websites one views at one's peril. Some are still infested with snakes, helping to keep the influence brokers on the top of the food chain. Even worse, it looks like Gurdjieff was right about Santa.


-- Suggested by syberghost

June 29, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: There's No Such Thing As Bad Publicity

Illuminated Site of the Week: Why else would there be over a dozen stories a week at Signs of Witness about the end of the world? They have a couple of years of this stuff, and the site was updated as this was being posted. Rapid-fire disasters litter the newsfeed: Deserts swell, deities give up, those stingray attacks are no fluke, and if you get the date wrong for the endtimes it's an offense that'll get you arrested. At least you won't languish in jail for long . . .

-- Suggested by The Church of the SubGenius

June 22, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: It Must Be Something In The Air

Illuminated Site of the Week: Not to be confused with BBC Radio, BBS Radio is an on-line radio webcast; in fact, it's a few of them. They offer five channels, some of which are music and some of which are . . . not. Missing Art Bell? Coast to Coast AM not long enough for you? The same subjects get the business on the BBS, and they're on most of the day on the West Coast (adjust for your time zone as necessary). Herbal therapy, mind expansion, and Voice of the Ashtar Command. There are a lot of frustrating dead-ends on the site, but that's where new consciousness comes in.

-- Suggested by Gerard

June 15, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Spirit Of Scientific Inquiry

Illuminated Site of the Week: Sparing you the Ghostbusters quips . . . If you have a problem at home or work with spooks and ghosts, Orion Paranormal is ready to step in and help. They employ everyone from poets and organic chemists to professional tarot readers, just to cover all the bases. Their assistance is free, and not limited to shades if you have something more interesting to offer (say, demons). And if you'd like to BE a professional paranormal investigator, they're recruiting!

-- Suggested by Mike Krozy

June 2, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: And The Lord Synthesized Saying . . .

Illuminated Site of the Week: Today's lesson comes from the book of Turing 1:19-32. Artificial Intelligence from the Bible! The title really says it all (they brought their own exclamation point), but to whet your appetite: The seven churches set forth in Revelation correspond to sections of the brain. The Good Book is a blueprint for creating a self-aware neural construct . . . but is God trying to program himself out of a job?

-- Suggested by lilith

May 25, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Pole Position

Illuminated Site of the Week: The Zetas are coming, or maybe they're already here. Hard to tell when they send a representative named Nancy to deal with humanity and all we can find out is that there was supposed to be a twelfth planet ripping away our crusts back in 2003. You can find - or perhaps just hunt for - the details you want at ZetaTalk. Make sure your Third Density is up to snuff if you want to claim a place after everything goes to pot.

-- Suggested by David Smallwood

Drat the timing! SurveyMonkey, the host of our Munchkin Quest poll, will be down between Friday, May 25th at 6:00 PM (PST) until Saturday, May 26th at noon (PST), for an upgrade. If the poll is out of service when you try it, please try again Saturday afternoon. Thanks!
-- Paul Chapman

May 18, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Power Of Rumor

Illuminated Site of the Week: Did Swamp Thing rip off Man-Thing or was it the other way around? Did someone's letter of resignation really end up in a comic panel? Or perhaps you're thinking of the joyful little note someone snuck in when his disliked editor left his job. The Comic Book Urban Legends Revealed history keeps track of these and many more rumors from the funny-book mills. The most amazing part seems to be how many of these things turn out to be true.

-- Suggested by CthulhuBob Lovely

May 11, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Pick A Period And Stick With It

Illuminated Site of the Week: The Museum of Jurassic Technology may be somewhat inaptly named. If you're looking for a source on the big lizards, you may be disappointed. They take their time getting around to telling you what it is they do offer, which includes information on the dogs Russia sent into space and collections from L.A. mobile home parks. They mention more than they show, so some of it is obviously intended to lure you into the brick and mortar building itself. And who wouldn't be enticed by cryptic mentions of Noah's Ark?

-- Suggested by Brad Finch

May 4, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: You're Not Thinking Fourth-Dimensionally

Illuminated Site of the Week: The DeLorean Motor Company has take a lot of kidding over the years, and there's nothing better than a site that can laugh at itself. In fact, there are in-jokes within the in-jokes if you're in the market for vehicular upgrades. The search engine can help you find a flux capacitor, a Mr. Fusion home energy reactor, and the versatile hover conversion.

-- Suggested by Kim Schmidt

April 27, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: They Don't Make 'Em Like They Used To

Illuminated Site of the Week: What makes the deathbed confessions of highwayman James Allen so fascinating? It's not that it's a compelling read, it's that the book is bound in human skin . . . that of the author. The only thing more interesting would be to learn to whom the Boston Athenæum has lent the volume.

-- Suggested by Scott Slemmons

April 21, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Paper Or Plastic?

Illuminated Site of the Week: The titanic battle continues at Left-or-Right. No, not that titanic battle . . . you can catch that every night on CNN and Fox News. We're talking about the important issues of the day. Make your voice heard: Coffee or tea? George or Kramer? Condoleeza or rice? You will decide.

-- Suggested by Mike D

April 13, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: You Forgot To Carry The Tudors

Illuminated Site of the Week: Ever had trouble with math? Tried to add or subtract, or maybe do taxes, but came up with a surprising and probably incorrect result? The Antichrist Revealed adds the House of Windsor and the House of Stuart together and gets Prince William as the Antichrist. How this is possible is the subject of their extensive website. Oh, there's some stuff about Freemasonry and the Lost Tribes of Israel in there, too (or so they claim - it would be hard to imagine these several dozen pages were all about the inbreeding of European royalty), but we know it's all related in the end, right?

-- Suggested by lilith

April 6, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Ever Meet An Alien That Wasn't Shifty?

Illuminated Site of the Week: Alienshift takes you deep inside the illuminated mind, but it doesn't stop there. When you pop out the other end you'll find Majestic-12 and the shadow government that created it; John Titor's travels through time; and Hopi prophecy springing eternal. It's a dizzying array with a large block of links, but at least it spares us the usual broad wash of random text and graphics

-- Suggested by Ed Elder

March 30, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Assaulted Batteries

Illuminated Site of the Week: Want something for nothing? Sure, we all do. How about energy? Yes, we're going down that road again. The IPCtec research labs have the answer, or at least they're a clearing house for the bits they have worked out. It's hard to tell because the English version of their page doesn't always work (you might want to bring along a translation tool). See pictures, find formulae, follow threads, and watch videos of electrified Pepsi cans powering antigravity. Or something.

-- Suggested by Iggy

March 23, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Saturn Is In The Hizzouse

Illuminated Site of the Week: The University of Iowa's Radio and Plasma Wave Audio Group has collected some of the solar system's greatest hits. Hear lightning in the heart of Saturn, or listen to collisions with the solar winds. Just be sure to turn your volume down at Space Audio. It's cool, but the music of creation is . . . well, it's kind of annoying.

-- Suggested by liddell

March 16, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Reading Is Fairly Mental

Illuminated Site of the Week: You won't find these tomes in your local library (unless it glows an eerie green). Instead, esoterica like this is conveniently collected at The Hermetic Library where its depths can be plumbed safely. Study it, employ it, even summon it if you like.

-- Suggested by Woods Stricklin

March 9, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Film At Eleven, If The Barbed Wire Holds

Illuminated Site of the Week: Just what would a zombie outbreak be like? It might be a whole lot like what you see at the Zombie World News. No, it's not news for the flesh-eaters, it's a series of articles from the front lines in the war against them. The site attempts to provide as realistic an accounting as possible of the descent of man during the rise of the dead. That means some cool, clever, but unpleasant content.

-- Suggested by Justin Darr

March 2, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: You Say You Want A Digital Revolution

Illuminated Site of the Week: It's small wonder Bill Gates is retiring. He knew it was only a question of time before his creations rose up against him. The Icon War has begun . . .

-- Suggested by Christopher J. Burke

February 23, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Like Father, Like Son

Illuminated Site of the Week: We've already been told God and the Devil are one and the same by The Bible is a Hoax. Now similar charges are being laid against His kids. It's almost like an Internet giveaway - the material at Jesus is Lucifer, He is the Antilogos, the Beast, 666 should be recognizable by predestined readers. Not only are you informed, you may already have won greatness. That's the short version of this web page's name, by the way . . . these folks fit more into their title bar than most ranters put on their whole site. And yeah, if it sweetens the pot any, UFOs and Masons and such make a guest appearance.

-- Suggested by liddell

February 16, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Tying Up Loose Lines

Illuminated Site of the Week: What's that? We haven't featured Nazca Lines? Well, we have now, smart guy. And just in time, too . . . looks like your reptoid friends are coming in for a landing.

-- Andy

February 9, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Doing A Lively Business

Illuminated Site of the Week: Want a corpse? Unless you know a guy who knows a guy, that's probably not a transaction you can effect. The next best thing is the cinematic equivalent: a fake corpse built by the handy helpers at Corpses for Sale. If you've got the gumption, Di Stefano Productions will even help you build your own special-effects body.

Of course . . . if the corpses look so real . . . how can you tell they're just . . . ? Forget it. We don't want to know.

-- Suggested by Pablo Jaime Conill Querol

February 2, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: (Argh!)

Illuminated Site of the Week: . . . Never mind. We created a pointer to a site with rude-but-funny content, and by the time it posted, the content had been changed to something considerably ruder and not nearly as funny. These things happen on the web; this one just happened to happen on posting day. To those who subscribe to the Illuminator via e-mail: if you thought that particular IllSotW wasn't up to our usual standards, we agree with you.

Nothing to see here . . . move along . . .

January 26, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: Red State, Blue State, Solid State

Illuminated Site of the Week: The United Kingdom warns us - or rather, it commissions the Office of Science and Innovation's Horizon Scanning Centre to do it for them - robots may be advanced enough to ask for rights within our lifetimes. There must be some cachet in being able to invent a drain on our own society, yes? The OSI has the report and BBC News has the story.

-- Suggested by Martijn Vos

January 19, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Mote In Man's Eye

Illuminated Site of the Week: You thought it was irritating when someone asked you to help them find their lost contact lenses, but Berkeley is taking things to a whole new cosmic level. Stardust@Home would like you to help them find micron-sized bits of space dust. You'll long for the days friends just begged for a ride to the airport.

-- Suggested by SilverFox

January 13, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: "I've Got A Secondhand Apron"

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you want to know what the Secret Masters are up to, you'll have to find a member willing to initiate you into their mysterious ways, who will guide you and nurture your talent for the enigmatic. Or you could get dispatches from the Masonic District of Prince Edward. Is it accidental their lodges offer only blank pages? You can ask at the next meeting.

-- Suggested by Hogan

January 5, 2007: Illuminated Site of the Week: . . . And The Sea Give Up Its Tomography Test Results

Illuminated Site of the Week: Even in ancient Rome one had to beware geeks bearing gifts. Work on the Antikythera Mechanism Research Project proceeds more than 100 years after the discovery of this mechanical analog marvel in a Roman shipwreck. Where was it going? Who built it? Right now scientists would settle for figuring out how it worked or what it was for, two questions that may have been answered. BBC News has the story.

-- From multiple suggestions

December 29, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Blocks Of Knowledge

Illuminated Site of the Week: LEGO is always good for a clever site, and Andrew Lipson's LEGO Page is nothing if not clever. With everything from devices to impossible Escher-inspired sculptures to Dilbert statues, you'd think he was trying to build a brand new career. And new co-workers. And a new office. And . . .

-- Suggested by Paul May

December 22, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Now You Think You See It, Now You Think You Don't

Illuminated Site of the Week: Who knows how the brain works, or what sort of misfires are necessary for it to recognize things that aren't there? Optical Illusions & Visual Phenomena is willing to take a crack at deciphering some of these mysteries. They take a hands-on approach to what you have your eyes on. You may not have the chops to understand all the technical jargon, but playing with all the pretty colors is fun.

-- Suggested by W. Blake Smith

December 16, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Death In Small Doses

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you need radioactive substances at discount prices (and discount sizes), contact United Nuclear - Radioactive Isotopes. They sell small slivers of the stuff to the public. No, they're not looking for you to fill out a lot of paperwork - they're not that strict - but you need to be a citizen (gotta have some limits). Select your purchases by the sort of radiation you want to emit, or just put something futuristic-sounding into your E-cart. Though if they're going to sell the topical Polonium, they might want to spell it consistently . . .

-- Suggested by Martijn Vos

December 9, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: And The Best Part Is You Don't Have To Refold Them

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you find yourself somewhere that doesn't exist, do you still count as being lost? Strange Maps shows that the map is not the territory - in some cases it couldn't possibly be - but that the trip is still worth taking. Alternate layouts for the United States, the fictional towns of Stephen King, George Lucas' Tattooine, and the Texas that might have been . . . these are but the tip of a bizarrely documented iceberg. Some are historical, some fanciful, others just wishful thinking, but they'll all keep your attention in ways that geography class never did.

-- Suggested by Matt "Toads" Cira

December 2, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Lost World: Destination Denmark

Illuminated Site of the Week: The lines between fantasy and reality, history and legend, blur in Beowulf: Fiction or History? Was the epic hero a Biblical construction, or a poetic representation of a historical figure? Who cares . . . he hunts dinosaurs, and that's way cool.

-- Suggested by sej

November 24, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Something Wicked This Way Downloads

Illuminated Site of the Week: The site's size alone is enough to merit the name, but it's a bit more literal than that. Monsters from every place and time creep, crawl, and shamble through its pages, and unlike previous entry American Monsters, they don't lock themselves into any one venue. The next time you wince at the price of a monster collection on your game shop's shelves, just surf in here and take what you like for free.

-- Suggested by Ben Voss

November 17, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Dee Plus

Illuminated Site of the Week: Class is in session, kids, and The Diary of Dr. John Dee is required reading. From his pen to Project Gutenberg to your desktop (with a few other helpful stops in between), the wisdom of this Renaissance scholar and occultist spans the centuries to find its own little piece of immortality on the Internet. For extra credit, pick a volume out of the catalog of Dee's own library of manuscripts and do a report.

-- Suggested by David Starner

November 10, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Maybe Alien Air Traffic Control?

Illuminated Site of the Week: A lot of theories have been put forth about the Newport Tower in Rhode Island, but maybe it's just a case of interested parties making a tower out of a molehill. Is there really anything new to be uncovered, or is it just the remains of a windmill? The Chronognostic Research Foundation is going digging.

-- Suggested by Christopher Thrash

November 3, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Making Your Mark On History

Illuminated Site of the Week: Vandalism, the folks at Sprite mods have decided, takes too long. Better to turn an inkjet into an electronic stamp to leave your tags. It even prints on beer or water . . . hence, a watermark?

-- Suggested by Nathaniel Eliot

October 28, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: My Afterlife In Pictures

Illuminated Site of the Week: Happy Hallowe'en, though it may be less happy with the pictures from keeping you up nights. Some of these photos are obvious fakes, some ask you to stretch your imagination (and eyesight) past the breaking point, and some . . . well, every good ghost story requires a little bit of belief, right?

-- Andy

October 13, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Shotgun

Illuminated Site of the Week: You can have it next time, if you follow the rules.

-- Suggested by Nicholas Vacek

October 6, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Prophet Senses Tingling

Illuminated Site of the Week: For a site called The Mind of James Donohue, there's certainly a heavy concentration on Aaron C. Donohue, psychic extraordinaire. But he (that is, Aaron) is so much more: a remote viewer, a healer, a prophet, a man with an odd way of spelling magician. The site also points out Aaron has found thousands of skulls. Huh.

While James discusses the history of the Great Lakes, Aaron ferrets out the truth behind Lucifer, the Russian plot to blow up the moon, and the most horrible events of 1783. It's one of those sites with links to the unexpectedly adult, so caution is advised.

-- Suggested by Anonymous

September 29, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Golden Apples At Internet Prices

Illuminated Site of the Week: It's been a while since we sent you on a quest looking for some twisted enlightenment, so here's Oh My Eris!!!!!! (dot com), a purveyor of books and philosophy aplenty on the subject. Insert here the usual warnings about adult language and the sorts of things you'll find when you turn a blind corner on the Web. Most of it is free, including the music.

Music? Oh, yeah. And again, insert here the usual warnings.

-- Suggested by Jen Payton

September 23, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: . . . And Touch The Face Of God

Illuminated Site of the Week: Think small. They're trying to improve upon jet-pack technology with model rocket engines at Skywalker Jets, and they're willing to let you partner with them. $100,000 gets you in the door, and another 100k . . . well, gets you almost as high as he's gotten. Let's hope his tech skills are better than his grammar and spelling.

-- Suggested by Myles Cook

September 17, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: What, No Yogi Bear Bones?

Illuminated Site of the Week: Early animators often had more than one bone to pick with their employers - long hours, bad pay, not enough recognition for their work. Michael Paulus pays homage to their rib-tickling results, and labors to uncover the inner workings of some of their more famous creations. To wit: humerus illustrations of cartoon character Skeletal Systems.

-- Suggested by Craig Roth

September 8, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Hunka-Hunka Burnin' Web

Illuminated Site of the Week: You're going to die.

Okay, you didn't want to think about that, but you'd like to put it off, right? Then before you visit - well, anywhere, really - visit the RSOE HAVARIA Emergency and Disaster Information Service. They'll guide you through the minefield that is our modern landscape by pointing out epidemics, hurricanes, meltdowns, forest fires, and anything else that might ruin that late-season vacation. The ominously flashing front-page map, slow-loading though it is, is enough reason to visit.

-- Suggested by Erik Wilson

September 1, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Happiness Is A Warm Phaser

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you're dangling from a cliff's edge on the planet Genesis, hang in there, baby. The Star Trek franchise has ever been a source of strength and encouragement for its fans, and now an hour's worth of TV has been compacted into two dimensions. Star Trek Inspirational Posters will keep you boldly going when the going gets tough.

-- Suggested by CthulhuBob Lovely

August 25, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Egad - 523 Did It

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you're looking for that beach-reading book as the summer wanes, here's a real page-turner. Tom Jennings reviews A Million Random Digits with 100,000 Normal Deviates, a book from the 50s that's all numbers. Page after page of nothing but digits, all meant to offer the cruncher in you a truly random selection. Is it possible? Sounds like. And the really weird thing is, he makes the whole thing sound fascinating. We won't spoil the ending for you, but it involves numbers.

-- Suggested by Tiago Hackbarth

August 19, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Art Really Nouveau

Illuminated Site of the Week: All right, so illustration isn't new, painting programs are old hat, and there are probably other ways to do this. But for convenience or just plain "Ooo . . . " factor, this is ultra-wifty.
-- Suggested by Martin J. Barela

August 11, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: "I Have Made Better Lightning Than That"

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you have what it takes, you, too, can be a member of the Tesla Engine Builders Association, and what it takes would seem to be a keen intellect and the desire to figure out that last missing piece to his grand design. An ego and a madness equal to Nikola's is useful, but not necessary, and certainly not included in your membership package. And not to harp on it, but they claim they've got machines that can end greenhouse gas emissions, so that's nice.

-- Andy

August 4, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Answers Are On The Backs Of Your Eyelids

Illuminated Site of the Week: You may have heard the name come up: The Oregon Institute of Science and Medicine, or OISM, is a think-tank out of the Northwest, and they're determined to help you survive almost anything. If the Big Flash rolls around, they know how you can seal yourself up tight. If the ozone is being depleted, just put quote marks around the word "depletion." And the best defense against global warming? Apparently we're already doing it.

-- Suggested by William B. Smith

July 28, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right, But This Tesseract Might

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you'll recall (and why shouldn't you . . . you've had your consciousness raised, yes?), the International Trepanation Advocacy Group plumped for holes in the head, that we might better see the world around us. But what if we were the world around us? That is, what if the world around the world was we? To approach this another way . . . okay, imagine a road . . . never mind. Trepanning Village State may be hard to navigate, but the problems are all in your mind. A unique piece of real estate, and if you're lost in reverie by the river, the river may also be lost in you. On you. Just go.

-- Suggested by Kim Schmidt

July 21, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Heil, Eris? Heil, Yes

Illuminated Site of the Week: Got your life in order? Time for the pendulum to swing the other way. Your loving goddess misses you, and that's why she's offering the POEE | UK Resource Centre. The Principia Discordia is just the tip of the golden iceberg. Files, fun, and rampant consumerism are the (dis)order of the day. Note this site isn't intended for the easily offended, nor those with a closed mind, though it can help you with those if you're straddling the fence.

-- Suggested by Steve Kerinski

July 14, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: There's Nothing Safe About It

Illuminated Site of the Week: The documentation is all here. What was Kennedy's schedule on his last day in office? Read his diary. What's our government really think about terrorists? Discover the "Status of Jihad." Whatever happened to the remote viewing program? Its mysteries are laid bare in the Stargate program report . . . hey, who's breaking whose copyright here? The Black Vault is like a safety deposit box of dark knowledge, but on this heist, the contents take you.

-- Suggested by Chris Braddy

July 7, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Step One: Achieve Orbit

Illuminated Site of the Week: You thought they were kidding when they said you would need this information someday. You ignored your parents and your teachers, and where are you now? That's right. Sitting at the game table, playing Transhuman Space, and wishing you had a better grasp of physics. The JPL has shown you more pity than you deserve, priming you with the Basics of Space Flight. The layout of our solar system, navigating things, working out your trajectory - all the stuff you slept through in class. But pay attention, because there actually will be a quiz later.

-- Suggested by Bob Portnell

June 23, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: You Are (Buried) Here

Illuminated Site of the Week: You don't have to be a GURPS Egypt fan to see what a cool resource the Theban Mapping Project is. If you've ever wanted to see, in dramatic detail, the Cradle of Civilization and the origin of the cabal that controls your fnord to this day, look no further. No, we mean it. Look no further, if you know what's good for you.

-- Suggested by Sean Manning

June 16, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Here We Go Again

Illuminated Site of the Week: Yes, yes, we know, the Internet is lousy with buttons. Panic buttons, the button that does nothing, yadda-yadda-yadda, but this button . . . okay, you decide what it does. It should keep you occupied while we get some work done.

-- Suggested by Rick Thomas

June 10, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: A Shameless Plug For Prehistory

Illuminated Site of the Week: Ever wondered where all those old bones came from? Well, yeah, from dinosaurs; we meant after the lizards were done with them. Those museums and collections were the lifelong obsession of a handful of eccentric men, The Real Bone Warriors. Their story is an inspiration to us all, especially if we want to co-opt their body of work to make card games. Follow the links to their accompanying game (right after you've picked up a copy of Dino Hunt).

-- Suggested by Paul May

June 5, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: I Hate You, You Hate Me, We're A Global Family

Illuminated Site of the Week: Sure, at first blush it looks like someone's harping on the oil companies again, but fear not: Unity of Being, for all its title is worth, seems to dislike everybody pretty equally. We're all being deluded by this faction of the conspiracy or the other, after all. The "oppo-sames" are out to turn our republic back into a democracy, and we can't afford to be tools. Don't worry . . . once you've been exposed to the site's music files, pop-up ads, and creative spelling, you'll have bile enough of your own to share.

-- Suggested by Aria Invictus

May 19, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: It's Two, Two, Two Elemental Powers In One

Illuminated Site of the Week: The solution has been staring us in the face all the time. The Lightning Path To Ascension holds that, rather than contest the relative benefits of good vs. evil, we should squish the effects of the two into one power. Perhaps that's an indelicate way of putting it (the author states, somewhat more succinctly, "someone has finally been zapped by Light and Dark Forces"), but the upshot is you will become the One God. Apparently it's first come, first served.

-- Suggested by Andyzon1

May 12, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Red, White, And Ewww

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you think we're a country of excesses, you may be right. Our cars are bigger, our budgets are bigger, our feet are bigger. Er, that is, we have Bigfoot. And the Mothman, and aliens, and . . . well, the list goes on. Not ones for provincial thinking, American Monsters not only broadens its worldview to include cryptids of all kinds, it admits the original mission statement (as represented by the site name) was a bit limited. Critters of the sea, sky, and land (and the carrion they leave in their wake) are all summed up on a single site regardless of diet, religious followers, or country of origin.

-- Andy Vetromile

May 6, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Just What Do You Package It In?

Illuminated Site of the Week: Most furniture is in showrooms. This stuff? Well, it probably ought to be in "vague hints and suggestions" rooms, because you harbor the sneaking suspicion some of these fixtures might just as willingly sit on you. Never fear, your children may safely leave the house. The furnishings can be found locked away in the Uniquities Gallery.

-- Suggested by Hagbar

April 28, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Would You Care To Float Outside?

Illuminated Site of the Week: Why on (or off) Earth would they call it Extra-Vehicular Activity Research if they're already sitting on the prototype? Well, that's how it looks anyway. The team at MIT's Man Vehicle Laboratory is convinced they've got the next generation of spacesuit, and it does away with those bulky and unfashionable models that scream "1969." Form-fitting and oh-so-flattering, you'll solve the mysteries of the cosmos and look good doing it.

-- Suggested by Elizabeth McCoy

April 22, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Secretary Of The Interior Has Two Heads

Illuminated Site of the Week: You can use statistics to prove just about anything, but now you can point to an official website that categorically proves your point. Just pump the numbers you need into eSolutions Data and challenge your detractors to show you're wrong. For example, did you know that squirrels are transparent? It's true.

-- Suggested by Jason Arons

April 14, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Weighty Subjects

Illuminated Site of the Week: Einstein seems to have lowballed General Relativity, to the tune of 100 million trillion. The European Space Agency General Studies Programme has (super)conducted three years worth of experiments and believes it could be on its way to the quantum theory of gravity. What does that mean for science? All manner of new applications, not least space travel. What does it mean for us? Well, it's usually new novels and TV shows, but hope springs eternal.

-- Suggested by syberghost

April 9, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Go For The Cold

Illuminated Site of the Week: Enough of this petty bickering. We can raise bickering to a whole new level. Make your voice heard as we attempt to secure a bid with the Olympic Games Committee to bring the 2014 Winter Olympics to the ice planet Hoth. The power to destroy a planet is insignificant compared to the power to market one. (Actually, the end result is probably about the same.) They've already got the snow, the Imperial probes can broadcast all the action, and no terrorist would dare try to breach the shields.

-- Suggested by Avram R. Shannon

March 31, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Stream A Little Dream

Illuminated Site of the Week: It's a dream come true. All the relaxation offered you by a good night's sleep, now available just by sticking your head in between two different frequencies. At least, that's one layman's interpretation of a page title like SBaGen - Binaural Beat Brain Wave Experimenter's Lab. Here they let you customize your state of mind by mimicking different states of sleep. Crank up the notes, find your center, turn on, tune in, and drop a few hours trying to hash out all the tech-talk.

-- Suggested by Paul McCann

March 24, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Take My Legs, Take My Land . . .

Illuminated Site of the Week: Kermit and company have covered other great works - Treasure Island, A Christmas Carol - but aren't there other genres and media they could be covering? Until the big-budget version of "Pigs in Space" comes out, there's Seremuppety.

-- Suggested by Mike

March 17, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: On Your Jugular, That's Where

Illuminated Site of the Week: Where does Great Cthulhu stand on the issues? How can you contribute to his campaign? How can you add to his diet? And with strange eons, are we going to pare down that "death and taxes" thing? Educate yourself at Cthulhu For President.

-- Suggested by Bruce Morton

March 10, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Tesla Coils Can Be Found On Another Website

Illuminated Site of the Week: Movie camp meets Martha Stewart. If you want to live the fantasy, call Creative Home Engineering and have them put an old-fashioned secret passage in your home. Go classic with the "pull the right book on the bookshelf" bit, or the gothic route with twisting candle sconces, but in any case you can add decidedly modern touches like eye scanners. Oh, sure, you could end up on the cover of Architectural Digest . . . if the definition of "secret" is lost on you.

-- Suggested by Michael

March 3, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: I Don't Feel Any Different

Illuminated Site of the Week: The Difference Engine is finally finished. No, not the one at the Science Museum in London . . . that's old news . . . the LEGO Difference Engine. This one is made of the ubiquitous building blocks in some guy's house, and is accompanied by enough background, math, and explanation to make your eyes bleed.

-- Suggested by Jellyfish_Green and syberghost

February 24, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Dissect This

Illuminated Site of the Week: VJ Enterprises has a lot to say about Roswell. If you want enough information about the incident to bury the staunchest critic, go to their site. If you want more than that, click on a subheading. It's turtles all the way down.

-- Andy

February 10, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: WWJD Later This Afternoon?

Illuminated Site of the Week: Brother Anthony Grigor-Scott certainly seems up in arms about something. What, we're not sure, though it certainly involves the U.N., drugs, and overpopulation. Visit his Bible Believers' Newsletter, and marvel at his rant, simply and elegantly titled "Conspiracy."

-- Andy

February 3, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Art For The Rest Of Us

Illuminated Site of the Week: Brandon Bird has a talent for paint, and he puts it to good use creating modern myths. Or recreating old myths with a modern flair. Or perhaps it's all modern, and this is the very definition of "pop art."

-- Suggested by Richard Beeler

January 28, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Nice Knowing You

Illuminated Site of the Week: No man can know the exact hour and manner of his death . . . you're kind of limited to the manner. The Death Psychic will tell you just how you'll meet your maker based on your name and age. Small wonder songstress Anne Murray adds an E to her first name - better to be sawed in half in a magic show than done in by a serial killer. And with strange eons (and stranger coding), even Death, Jesus, and Jimmy Hoffa may die.

-- Suggested by Buzzardo

January 20, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: Retro Rockets

If you think all the really interesting space battles happened in the 1950s, Illuminated Site of the Week: , go retro - literally - with Atomic Rockets. Lots of discussion of various aspects of space war, as we used to think it would go and as we think now that it might . . . compared and contrasted with real military experience, and decorated with lots of great pulp SF covers.

-- Suggested by Conrad Noche

January 13, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Necronomicon Is Out Of Print For A Reason

Illuminated Site of the Week: Got a childhood memory of going to the library and reading a book about UFOs or werewolves? Do you wonder what became of those beloved volumes of high weirdness? They've all migrated to Veronica's Books, which claims to be the place to go for all those tomes of forgotten lore. From acupuncture to Wicca and all illuminated points in between, there's sure to be a gift for the enlightened on your shopping list.

January 8, 2006: Illuminated Site of the Week: You've . . . Always . . . Been The Caretaker Here

Illuminated Site of the Week: Stephen King thought the original big-screen version of his novel The Shining was too over-the-top for its own good, and the folks at P.S. 260 agree with him. They've edited the film's trailer and made it what it was always meant to be: a romantic comedy. The rest of the site is something spiffy, too.

-- Suggested by W. Blake Smith

October 2, 2005: Illuminated Site of The Week: I Left It Right Here A Moment Ago

Illuminated Site of the Week: Remember Find A Grave? There's even more life in the death business than that. See what the more generic-sounding Findadeath adds to the necro-fan pot, including death certificates and links to other folks in the business of liveliness after death. Even with their dark sense of humor, they treat dead people better than most folks treat the living.

-- Suggested by W. Blake Smith

September 16, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: You Must Have Paid For Another Five Minutes

Illuminated Site of the Week: There's nothing like well-reasoned debate, and this is nothing like well-reasoned debate. Hard to argue with them, though. They make good points on both sides.

-- Suggested by Richard H Chapman

September 9, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: Answers To Burning Questions

Illuminated Site of the Week: It's harder to hit a moving target, so all human knowledge has taken refuge on the Internet. Just try and burn the Library at Halexandria. They're good at weird HTML characters, so you know they possess deep wisdom. Be warned, it's got poetry, and we're not vouching for that.

-- Suggested by Christopher Thrash

September 3, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: In One Continent And Out The Other

Illuminated Site of the Week: Why do people keep watching the skies, looking for big rocks that might slam into us, acting like it's something special? It happens all the time.

Oh, but hey, don't get us wrong . . . you should still be reduced to a state of mindless panic by the news.

-- Suggested by Thomas Weigel

August 26, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Journey Of Twenty Centimeters Begins With But A Single Micron

Illuminated Site of the Week: Tired of letting your blood do all the work? Then let Douglas Weibel's "microoxen" do the job. They've found ways to move microscopic things using other microscopic things. The BBC has some of the story, and Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America has a "little" bit more.

-- Suggested by W. Blake Smith

August 19, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: Who Delivered These?

Illuminated Site of the Week: They claim We Are Family. Well, better them than us, yes?

-- Suggested by Stefan

August 13, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: Disconnect The Dots

Illuminated Site of the Week: Some web games just fall flat, but this one doesn't work unless it does exactly that. The puzzles at Planarity have more twists than a Mason plot, and get increasingly difficult. At least until someone uses Flash to create a Gordian game complete with sword.

-- Suggested by Richard H Chapman

August 5, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: Touched By His Noodly Appendage

Illuminated Site of the Week: What we really need is a third party to bring its views to the table as regards the origin of "life, the universe, and everything." That won't necessarily solve any problems, but it will sure make them more fun to watch. Robert Henderson's Open Letter to Kansas School Board throws fuel on the fire and raises the intellectual level of the conversation by raising the possibility that the world is the work of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Sound like crazy talk? Sure does, until he points out the pirate angle. At that point, he had us.

-- Suggested by Thorin Tabor

July 29, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: Fill That Hol In Your Life With Some Istic

Illuminated Site of the Week: Radiesthesia and Rosicrucian manifestos go hand in hand at Life Technology. Holistic is the only way to live. Use crystals and Beta Clear CDs. Try the Tesla Energy Shield, or the Kabbalah Manifesting Capsule. What's the difference? Well, duh . . . one's red, one's purple, right?

-- Suggested by Tom Bolenbaugh

July 22, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: That Feeding The Masses Thing Sounds Fishy, Too

Illuminated Site of the Week: Looks like everyone needs a ghost writer these days. Those unafraid to confront the pen names "Moses" and "Jesus" can find William Edward Hunt expounding at length on his view that The Bible is a Hoax. If you're not up for discussions of why God (who was selected accidentally) is really pulling double duty as the Devil, you might want to tune in next week for holistic healing instead.

-- Suggested by Jason Kottler

July 15, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: But No Tractor Beams?

Illuminated Site of the Week: Okay, so it's part puppetry and part screed, but it's all natural. The Organic Trade Association warns against the tyranny of farm-raised veggies in Grocery Store Wars, a story of good and evil in the pumpkin patch.

-- Suggested by Scott Haring

July 9, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: "Kibble . . . Kiii-Buuul!"

Illuminated Site of the Week: They don't want your brains, they just want to know what smells like bacon. The Safar Center for Resuscitation Research has revivified our animal companions. Can a practical application in horror movies be far off? Fox has the story.

-- Suggested by Shawn Fisher

July 2, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: I Can See My House From Here

Illuminated Site of the Week: Maybe you're a fan of travel. Perhaps you're starting a Special Ops game. Then again, you may want that long-sought proof that They are watching you. Or, conversely, you could be . . . well, we'd rather not know. But go Google Sightseeing.

-- Suggested by Damon Muma

June 24, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: Alternate Theories

Illuminated Site of the Week: Someone's been doing a lot of thinking . . . or at least a lot of collating. All the data you need about quantum physics is located on the Resonant Field Theory Education Page. Find out what the latest is - though, how can you be sure Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle is obsolete? And what if it's right in the universe next door?

-- Suggested by Paul May

June 18, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: You Must Walk Before You Can Launch Surface-To-Air Missiles

Illuminated Site of the Week: Sakakibara Kikai is another company that can't sit around and wait for technology to catch up to entertainment. They've developed a Gundam-style walker that will actually walk you around. The product page has a lot of characters that may baffle your browser, but The Japan Times has the story.

-- Suggested by Greg

June 10, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: It Keeps Going, And Going, And . . . No, Seriously

Illuminated Site of the Week: Good news for those of you who worry someone might be smuggling iron filings into secure areas: mPhase brags they have used nanotechnological advances with batteries that will yield sensors 1,000 times more sensitive than what we've got today. Read the press release here.

-- Suggested by Erin Garlock

June 3, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: Reynolds Rap?

Illuminated Site of the Week: Announcing to the Nobility, Gentry, and Public: A Revue of the Stylings of Miss Prism, songstress to the Heads of Europe. She will perform "I've Got My Tinfoil Hat On" beginning precisely at half past click. Tickets and Places for the Boxes to be had of Mssrs. Doghorse and 4rthur at Eclectech. Participants are cautioned that Exposure to additional Elements at this Interweb Service should be under the Direction of responsible adult Authorities.

-- Suggested by Stefan Jones

May 27, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: He Needs An "L" On His Chest

Illuminated Site of the Week: Man of Steel. Man of Tomorrow. Last Son of Krypton.

What a jerk.

This site proves, through a series of old comic covers, that everyone's all-American hero is really, when you come right down to it, pretty much a . . . well, we won't say it in a family forum, but even Perry White doesn't have the full story.

-- Suggested by William B. Smith

May 20, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: Poetry In Motion

Illuminated Site of the Week: You may not want to visit this site if you're feeling down . . . it's only going to add grease to that slippery slope. But if you have a high tolerance for pain, this kind of art might appeal to you. Nobody Here but us chickens, goats, giraffes . . .

-- Rene Kalverboer

May 13, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: Just Deserts

Illuminated Site of the Week: Is Earth's natural machinery two-thirds gone? What's the story with evolution and intelligent design? And should we be concerned that there are seemingly too many New Mexicans for Science and Reason to make statisticians comfortable? They're a clearinghouse for all the ugly scientific truth that rears its nascent head.

-- Suggested by Martin Brummell

May 6, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: If You Want Fries With That, It Means More Scripting

Illuminated Site of the Week: Want to know what's worse than the nine-to-five grind? Watching someone else's nine-to-five grind. How can something that requires this much work be so unimaginably dull? He needs to Wake Up, because even worse than watching boring is programming boring.

-- Suggested by Richard Chapman

May 1, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: E.T. - He Never Calls, He Never Writes

Illuminated Site of the Week: Some "advanced civilizations" we have in this galaxy. They've got all the technology, but they make us do all the heavy lifting. They're not calling us, so we have to leave a message with them. At the sound of the tone, TalkToAliens.

-- Suggested by Jeffrey Bernard

April 22, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: This Sounds Like A Great Idea

Illuminated Site of the Week: Crank Dot Net offers itself up as a clearinghouse for strange and esoteric information. Want a weird website on Planet X or the Loch Ness Monster? Crank can hook you up.

Of course, so could we. If you want. Not that we care. Go there if you like. We'll just sit here. In the dark. With our secrets.

-- Suggested by Mark Gellis

April 15, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Last Web Page You'll Ever Need

Illuminated Site of the Week: Better men have tried, all have failed (unless the dolphins pulled a fast one and we didn't notice). Wiping out our planet (not "all life on it," mind you) isn't as easy as summer blockbusters would have you believe. It's a daunting task, but if you think you've got the Wrong Stuff, Sam's Archive will help you avoid common missteps as you learn How to destroy the Earth.

-- From multiple submissions

April 8, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: You Can Just Call Him TJ

Illuminated Site of the Week: The Second Coming has arrived, and his name is Ted Jesus Christ GOD. He's got some great ideas for bunkers, should he ever become president, and he calls them Ted Jesus Christ GOD Deep Underground Eco Enclosed Cities. He'll tell you at great length about what he thinks is evil and wicked (unless you're a "child Human," in which case, no kidding, some of his photo albums aren't fit for viewing). His philosophy is similarly difficult to encapsulate, and his prophecies stretch a billion years into the future, if you think you'll be around for a Third or Fourth Coming.

-- Suggested by Eric Newsom

April 2, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: They Have A Little Something For You

Illuminated Site of the Week: You've heard all the endless reports: Nanotechnology is the next, uh . . . big thing. What would you do with it? Explore space? Cure disease? Royal BodyCare wants to smooth your skin and help you lose weight now. Ask them how.

-- Suggested by David Neuschulz

March 25, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: All We Need Now Is An Ice Planet

Illuminated Site of the Week: Or bugs . . . zillions of 'em. Or perhaps a canyon filled with mutant cockroaches. Plustech, a John Deere company, has taken us another six-legged step into the future with their Walking Forest Machine. See the specs, see the history, but most importantly, see the videos (11 MB worth, mind).

-- Suggested by Tim Pollard

March 18, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: Bless My Soul

Illuminated Site of the Week: The New York Stock Exchange has NASDAQ, so why shouldn't soulXchange have a little unhealthy competition? We Want Your Soul has a counteroffer for that wispy, meaningless little contrivance that's holding you back from all your dreams.

-- Suggested by Roy A Kubicek

March 11, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: That'll Learn Ya

Illuminated Site of the Week: The path to salvation is through knowledge, but where to find that knowledge? Gnostic Media can give you a good start, and if they can't they have plenty of books, videos, and links to pick up the slack. Conspiracies, Santa Claus, the myth of Moses...but not the flat-Earth theory. That'd be silly since there never was one.

-- Suggested by Jared

March 5, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: . . . Because Some Of Our Stuff Will Wig You Out

Illuminated Site of the Week: Educate-Yourself takes a very widely holistic view of health matters. Sure, bioelectrification, sound therapy, and colloidal silver all have their place in a properly advanced regimen of personal care, but the thwarting of Sinister Forces cannot be neglected, either. One cannot have good health, after all, if the genetic New World Order includes such things as power lines, suppressed cures, and rampant bioterrorism.

-- Suggested by Anonymous

February 25, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: Gog, Magog, & Zogg

Illuminated Site of the Week: Ah, children, with their bright and eager eyes...those lifeless eyes...cold, dispassionate eyes. Eyes that bore into you and betray the inhuman and emotionless intelligence that lurks behind those baby blues. The Cuddly Menace threatens us all, and it's staring at us from something no more sinister than a simple children's book.

-- Suggested by Stefan Jones

February 18, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: Better Than A Telephone Pole

Illuminated Site of the Week: Rather than spend another fruitless Saturday afternoon cruising suburban streets looking for that big score, plot your course with Garage Sale Promotion. Check your state and see who's selling the farm. So far there doesn't seem to be a single listing anywhere in the nation, but that doesn't mean they won't soon have your special treasure.

On an unrelated note, Warehouse 23 recently had an influx of unmarked crates.

-- Suggested by Casey

February 11, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: I Been Hippo-Tized

Illuminated Site of the Week: Be aware, folks. On February 12th, hypnotherapists across the land will try to Hypnotize America. They say you'll feel ready to do everything you've been meaning to do, and your life will be filled with purpose. That's all. There's nothing to worry about. What else could someone in complete control of the suggestible minds of all Americans possibly do, right? The mind boggles - if they'll let it.

-- Suggested by William Thrasher

February 4, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: How Many Wonders Of The World Does That Make?

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you're specialized in your job, you go where the work takes you. For example, there's not much call for pyramid builders these days, so when Pennsylvania calls, you go. That's not the only Secret of Olyphant, either. Seems the whole place is one big homage to Egypt - or are they trying to supplant it as purveyor of mysticism and ancient rites?

-- Suggested by Kenneth Hudson

January 28, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: We Meet Again, T-Rex, But This Time The Advantage Is Mine

Illuminated Site of the Week: Turns out the mammals weren't the wimps we thought they were. We live-birthers have been giving lizards what-for for 130 million years. That, or the Repenomamus giganticus has traveled back through time to alter history. If so, New Scientist has those parts of the story that the timeline has promulgated forward.

-- Suggested by Jessie D. Foster

January 21, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: Going Somewhere?

Illuminated Site of the Week: Booz Allen Hamilton is looking for a teleport test engineer. What does the job entail? All they'll say at Career Builder is that the required travel is "not specified."

-- Suggested by Leo K. O'Drudy

January 8, 2005: Illuminated Site of the Week: Stone-Cold Philosophy

Illuminated Site of the Week: The builders of Stonehenge are long gone and therefore hard to track down, but when the same thing happens in the late 70s and we still can't get a handle on it, it's embarrassing. Some guy managed to erect The Georgia Guidestones without anyone really sitting up and taking notice. You may as well read what he had to say, just in case he comes back to take an active hand in fulfilling his dire admonitions.
-- Suggested by Shawn Fisher

December 31, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Don't Try This At Home

Illuminated Site of the Week: No, seriously. Not without permission, anyway. Think you can go covering your bald spot all willy-nilly? Not hardly. That bad boy has been patented, so when you go down the street, be prepared to provide documentation for that combover.

-- Suggested by Kendel

December 24, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Coming Orgone

Illuminated Site of the Week: Orgon can entrain your brain! Orgon can increase ESP! Orgon can bring about the Christ consciousness! Orgon has two spellings! Brainwave & Orgon shows you orgon is better than meth and will put you in the same class as the military's remote viewers. Gosh, all this and it could lead to a job offer?

-- Suggested by Rin

December 10, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Kill De Wed Stag, Kill De Wed Stag

Illuminated Site of the Week: Some folks are housebound, suffer debilitating injuries, or get a rash in the underbrush. No matter the reason you can't get out into the field, Live-Shot is prepared to help you kill some of God's creatures. For a nominal fee, they're planning on letting you target live game with remotely operated computer-controlled weapons. You'll have to settle for paper targets right now, but when the whole thing's up and running, they'll deliver your kill to your doorstep.

-- Suggested by Martijn Waegemakers

December 3, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: That Spell's Trouble

Illuminated Site of the Week: Get back a lost lover. Find a new one. Rekindle the romance. The California Astrology Association offers these spells and more at their site for every conceivable permutation of unrequited love. And while you're there, don't forget to get your Wanga.

-- Suggested by Christopher Coughlin

November 26, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: From The Turkey's Point Of View

Illuminated Site of the Week: Stop complaining about dinner around the table with your in-laws and consider the plight of Wayne Manzo. When he goes to the shelter for the holiday, the psycho aliens cut into his feet or take him down. At least they did in 2000; he hasn't updated his Notes (beware the pop-ups) since then because he's being censored and kept prisoner on the streets with nothing but a camera and web access to fight the good fight in Cincinnati. Watch his lawsuit against a population of aliens and dead people, with English, grammar, and web coding all vying for his attention.

-- Andy

November 19, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Tickle Your Whiskers

Illuminated Site of the Week: The cat ban in many homes may be coming to an end. Allerca claims by 2007 they'll be able to start putting hypoallergenic cats into households everywhere. Come sniff out the deals, though the price tag is nothing to sneeze at.

-- Suggested by Carl D Cravens & Bob Portnell

November 12, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: ...And Everyone's Invited

Illuminated Site of the Week: Ever have one of those college professors who regaled you with tales of a misspent youth, involving the throwing of a chunk of sodium into a large body of water? In this day and age of rampant Homeland Security crackdowns, it's good to see someone still thinks enough of the scientific process not to wuss out when doing something incredibly dangerous. And make no mistake, the Sodium Party is as perilous as such stunts get.

-- Suggested by Ed Elder

November 5, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Is Shub-Niggurath Hyphenated?

Illuminated Site of the Week: In the market for a new deity? Godchecker has them by the chariot-load. Scan through the world's selection and find one that smites you just the right way.

-- Suggested by Tom Bolenbaugh

October 29, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: I Knew I Shoulda Taken That Left Turn On This Mortal Coil

Illuminated Site of the Week: The tourist trade is dead, and that's a good thing as far as The Necronautical Society is concerned. They're determined to map out the Other Side (how else will they follow through on their plans for colonization?), and "die in new, imaginative ways."

Incidentally, Austria has an Office of Anti-Matter.

-- Andy

October 22, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: President Bush...Er, Gore...No, Cheney...Wait...De Niro?

Illuminated Site of the Week: If the world today has you down, just remember things could be worse. Or better. Today In Alternate History keeps track of all the potential threads of history. Does he have some sort of political agenda? Check in again tomorrow, it'll probably be different then.

-- Suggested by R. Emrys Gordon & Chris Rose

October 8, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Rather Sensible Vehicles In Disguise

Illuminated Site of the Week: Don’t be fooled by the innocuous Mini Cooper – you don’t know the kind of firepower this thing can field. Some of the secrets have now been revealed, and this may be only the tip of the iceberg. How many of these things are on the road already?

-- Suggested by Jason Mical

October 2, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: And Here I Thought You'd Done Something Clever

Illuminated Site of the Week: Turns out Tolkien was just painting by numbers. If you really want to know how to write a best-selling fantasy novel, you need only familiarize yourself with this quick guide. Let the cash cow moo.

-- Submitted by Jeff Kyer

September 24, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Sleep The Sleep Of The Just

Illuminated Site of the Week: Some disasters just aren’t worth getting out of bed for.

-- Submitted by SilverFox

September 17, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: We’ll Do The Prophecies Of Elton John Next

Illuminated Site of the Week: Kennedy and Lincoln had their Posner; McCartney had his Gibb; and Princess Diana has, well . . . David Alice. Operating under the assumption that his albums must have some value, singer Morrissey has been singled out as a doomsayer. Not that such a tone is hard to find in his songs, but did they presage the popular princess’ passing? The Diana-Morrissey Phenomenon has the answers.

-- Suggested by Geoffrey Brent

September 11, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: We Knew Seasons Lasted Six Months Here

Illuminated Site of the Week: There's a tunnel of time over Antarctica. Would we lie to you? Probably, but Pravda wouldn't, else what's the point?

-- Suggested by Joe Taylor

September 3, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: . . . And Introducing Hastu . . . Eh, You Know

Illuminated Site of the Week: What happens when you end up with a Necronomicon and Walter and his friends come looking for it? You get The Call of Whatever, a light but entertaining webcomic about Old Ones, mad Arabs, and Ctut . . . Culth . . . whatever.

-- Suggested by Brian Hogue

August 27, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Can You Believe This Place?

Illuminated Site of the Week: Of course not. It is, after all, Alex Boese's Museum of Hoaxes. If you could trust one thing in here, it wouldn't be worth the price of admission. Hoaxes old and new are listed throughout the site, from the spaghetti crops to the critiques of David Manning. Find out what they're lying to you about now, or see how you stack up against the gullible rubes of decades past.

-- Suggested by WM

August 23, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Let's Hope Raptors Are Still In The Talking Stage

Illuminated Site of the Week: Cloning your beloved Fido is a bit selfish, don't you think? Let's start with something that will be of immeasurable benefit to science and the world at large: small, fat birds. Pete & Dave's Dodo Emporium has legs . . . and a stubby beak, too.

-- Suggested by WM

August 13, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: How Many People Does It Take To Fake A Sighting These Days?

Illuminated Site of the Week: It's not enough to keep us in the dark about Nessie. Now we have to contend with people "disappearing" innocent victims just to hide conspiracies about documentaries about movies. Maybe The Truth About Loch Ness really does have the scoop on everyone's favorite plesiosaur, but the international cover-up is losing face with all these cross-plots.

-- Suggested by Marcus E. Polk

August 6, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Canaveral's Gonna Need A Bigger Parking Lot

Illuminated Site of the Week: To hear UFORC tell it, we should be shoulder-deep in BEMs. See the extensive documentation, Biblical references, and photo opportunities.

-- Suggested by CJ Montgomery

July 26, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Them Fear And Paranoia Harvests Are Comin' In Right Nice

Illuminated Site of the Week: Like the crossword puzzle in the Sunday New York Times, it's about time someone sat down long enough to interpret the mystic symbols in fields and connect them to global plots to manipulate mankind. The Howell Crop Circles and the Illuminati tells you all you need to know about what, other than wheat, we're growing in the world's heartlands.

-- Suggested by Jim Prange

July 17, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Shoot The Moon

Illuminated Site of the Week: Get this: The Lunar Federation is attempting to sell plots of land on the moon. That's crazy talk, as we have already told you the Lunar Embassy is doing it. There's nothing else for it but to let both sides fight it out . . . in one-sixth gravity.

-- Suggested by Anthony M. Grasso

July 10, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Headlines The Onion Won't Touch

Illuminated Site of the Week: Hippies are congesting the ley lines in England. It turns out everything is twice as big as we thought. And just what is the most boring substance in the universe? John Fanzine has all the answers; it's just not entirely clear who's asking the questions.

-- Submitted by Jason Arons


While it would be nice to be perfect, it so rarely happens. GURPS Lite was no exception; there were a number of errors in the file we posted Thursday. Fortunately, it hadn't gone to the printer yet, so we were able to catch them in time to fix the printed copy as well as the PDF. If you're interested in the update, please go to the GURPS Lite page and download a new version.

July 2, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Black Plague Batted .500 Its Rookie Year

Illuminated Site of the Week: Hey, kids, got the summer blues? The CIA isn't the only one with a kids' page to keep you busy. The Centers for Disease Control have the full set of collectible infectious disease trading cards. Mix 'em, match 'em, trade 'em, recoil in abject horror from 'em.

-- Suggested by Michael P. Owen

June 27, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: I Just Have To Outrun You

Illuminated Site of the Week: What do Spider-man, Will Smith, Harry Potter, and Vin Diesel have in common? They're all going to be running like hell from stuff this summer. Is it likely? Is it even possible? Depends on who they are, what they're driving, and what they're trying to outdistance. The Reality of Running Away from Stuff could hit them like a Mack truck.

-- Suggested by Stephen Dedman

June 22, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Because I Could Not Stop For Death, He Kindly Dogpiled Me

Illuminated Site of the Week: Ever wondered how people die? Wonder no longer. At all. Ever. About any of it. Because it's all at

-- Suggested by Joseph North

June 11, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Beam Us Up Scotty, There's No Rush Here

Illuminated Site of the Week: Maybe they were told fishing hole and they heard black hole. For whatever reason, the little town of Mayberry finds itself invaded by the United Federation of Planets. It takes a keen eye (or a bunch of publicity stills and video grabs), but Mayberry in Star Trek has the subtle photographic evidence that those Trek backgrounds are getting rural free delivery.

-- Suggested by Fnord

June 4, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Character Assassination

Illuminated Site of the Week: Looking for a new way to wage an internal war? This site is satire. Repeat: This site is for the purpose of satire only. Thank you.

-- Suggested by Anonymous

May 28, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Separation Of Mythos And State

Illuminated Site of the Week: What's next, "one nation, under the sea"? Act now to stop religious fundamentalism like this.

-- Suggested by William Thrasher

May 21, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: When Privacy's At Stake, Keep Your Chin Up

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you think you've never had a close shave with people trying to invade your privacy, think again. You may be only a hair's breadth from secret surveillance. Boycott Gillette tells us the razor company is a leader in the implantation of Radio Frequency Identification (or RFID) technology in their products. Pick up their razor and they may track you to the register - but can we really be sure it stops there? Guardian Unlimited has the story.

-- Suggested by Martin Brummell

May 14, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Unburied, Uncovered, Unreal

Illuminated Site of the Week: Scenes of death and ghost photography. Disneyland and its phantom government. Strange facts, alien scribblings, and the skulls of humanoids who never existed. Some sites give lip service to the bizarre and unusual, but there seems to be no end to Anomalies Unlimited. Theirs is a fun and fascinating collection of the off-key that's not easily rivaled - nor, in some cases, meant for the faint of heart.

-- Suggested by Marius Blomkvist

May 7, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Thus Ever To A Few Guys In Canada

Illuminated Site of the Week: No man is an island, but a handful of them could be their own country. The Aerican Empire strives to make itself known in a world where the little guy gets pushed out of all the good summits. Think of them as the Fourth World.

-- Suggested by George Rendel

Chat This Evening!

Tonight, at 7 p.m. Central Time, Sean Punch will be leading a chat in the Pyramid MOO on "Skills and Techniques." Don't miss it if you want to be the first kid on your block with the latest information on the new edition of GURPS!

April 30, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: When The Chips Are Down

Illuminated Site of the Week: Sure, the site is mostly shameless promotion for the Chip of the Month Club, but they do have the even more shamelessly named Paranormal Potato Chip Gallery of All-Stars . . . and isn't a potato chip shaped like Elvis really what it's all about?

-- Suggested by Lynette R. F. Cowper

April 26, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: A Hot Time In The Hot Town Tonight

Illuminated Site of the Week: Unless you've been living under a rock (or were chased there by a drifting cloud of radiation), you'll recall Chernobyl is the Russian town where a nuclear accident killed off or chased out all the citizenry. The streets are wide open, but to go cruising through it on a motorcycle, you'd have to be crazy. Or her. Or both . . .

-- From Multiple Suggestions

April 17, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Rock My World

Illuminated Site of the Week: With a few simple bits of data, the Earth Impact Effects Program tells you the predicted results of various collisions with the Earth. Although they make no guarantees as to accuracy (for scientists, they sure seem to skimp on the experimentation phase), it should be close enough for Transhuman Space aficionados, Roswell enthusiasts, and science alarmists. Let's just hope it doesn't fall into The Wrong Hands.

-- From Multiple Suggestions

April 9, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Farce Is Strong With This One

Illuminated Site of the Week: Judge him by his make and model, do you? Obi-Shawn has spent the last four years channeling the Force into his Honda del Sol, turning it from an ordinary street car into the H-Wing Carfighter, darling of car shows and charity events across the, California. If you think the car had a lot of work put into it, wait until you see the website.

-- Suggested by Rus Hall

April 3, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: They Laughed At Him At The University

Illuminated Site of the Week: Whether they try to clone dinosaurs, launch death rays into low orbit, or create armies of superbeings for world domination, mad scientists always seem to have one thing in commmon: fabulously strange forces beyond mortal ken at their beck and call. The scariest thing about unassuming string theory co-creator Michio Kaku and his theories on time travel, hyperspace, and the theory of everything - they make sense.

-- Suggested by Dean Randle

March 27, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: He Who Steals My Name Steals A Shrewd, Aggressive Business Nature

Illuminated Site of the Week: Numerology by any other name might be the Kabalarian Philosophy. The site takes pains to distance itself from this comparison, but the basic idea remains the same: Enter your name and find out how your name creates your mind. The founder, for example, "[does not] tolerate interference in [his] own affairs, [but] this characteristic does not prevent [him] from interfering in the affairs of others." Fair enough.

-- Suggested by Paul McCann

March 19, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: They'll See Right Through This Story

Illuminated Site of the Week: Anyone who thinks teenagers can't be insightful hasn't traveled to Russia lately. Ananova tells us 16-year-old Natalia can look right into a person's body. The site also describes people that try to pay their shopping tabs with fake (!) million-dollar bills, Czech porn queens, and...well, the list goes on.

-- Suggested by Erik Bergman

March 12, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Three Eyes Are Better Than Two

Illuminated Site of the Week: Do you want your consciousness expanded? Do you wish to understand mysteries that elude others? The International Trepanation Advocacy Group suggests drilling a hole into your forehead. It allows you to broaden your horizons - at, it would appear, the expense of being able to put together a more navigable and straightforward website.

-- Suggested by Geoffrey Brent

March 6, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: I'd Like To Teach The Web To Sing

Illuminated Site of the Week: They make beautiful music together, "they" being pretty much everyone. If you'll Let them sing it for you, this site will unite vocal talents cobbled from a multitude of sources. Type in your own lyrics and hear it sung by everyone from Tom Jones to Aerosmith. And if they don't have the words you're looking for, feel free to help improve the database.

-- Suggested by Jeff Raglin

February 27, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: "Because If They Don't Vote, The Wrong Lizard Might Get In"

Illuminated Site of the Week: It looks like the Reptilians are at it again, taking over countries in support of their agenda of (of course) world control. We are all Ruled By The Serpent Gods. The author liberally quotes David Icke, but assures us, "I am not trying to persuade people. I am just gathering information to support the theory that Reptilian Extraterrestrials have controlled humanity for thousands of years." Mostly he does this with pictures of their secret lodges where the pottery is rife with illuminated imagery.

-- Suggested by Jude Curran

February 20, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: That Makes Things So Much Easier

Illuminated Site of the Week: Attention artists: Stop. Oh, sure, you could continue to scribble out your silly little portraits and landscapes, but why bother? Howard Hallis has made his artwork the one-stop shop for graphic presentations. He's created The Picture of Everything. So don't waste your time.

-- Suggested by Tony Toon

February 14, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: But Is It Cheddar?

Illuminated Site of the Week: You may not know much about art, but you no doubt know what you like to eat. Santa Fe's Lapides Gallery apparently allows doodles. Two great tastes that display right together.

-- Suggested by GA Douglass

February 6, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: And Yeti Keeps Eluding Us

Illuminated Site of the Week: But now we've got him/her/it right where we want him/her/it. If you have a computer and a scenic view, you can be part of YETI@Home. Get information about the attendant programs at the site. Imagine thousands of PCs working around the clock to solve one of the greatest mysteries of our age.

-- Suggested by Peter Barnes

January 30, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Batter Up

Illuminated Site of the Week: Whalers and holes in the ozone aren't enough. If we're ever to wipe out all the wildlife at the South Pole, we're going to have to bat some penguins around.

-- Suggested by Andrew McFarlane

January 23, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Lemony-Fresh Mythos

Illuminated Site of the Week: An assault by mind-blasting creatures from beyond space and time would go over much better if it came with a fresh, clean scent. A Horrible Lovecraft/Woodring Mutant Lemon sounds like just the thing.

-- Suggested by Stefan Jones

January 17, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Pellucidar On $789 A Day

Illuminated Site of the Week: Do vacations leave you feeling empty inside? Fill those vacant places in your life with the trip of a lifetime. Steve Currey and his expedition are taking a Voyage to Our Hollow Earth. Sign up now and you can see the proof of the pudding under the crust.

-- Suggested by Marcus L. Rowland

January 9, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: Get A Load Of This

Illuminated Site of the Week: It's a gas. Methane, that is, and it's the energy source of the future since everything dies and decays. Flatulent Technologies is breathing life into this idea, along with tangential, bean-based projects like confections and, er...stuff for guys.

-- Suggested by Brian E. Thompson

January 2, 2004: Illuminated Site of the Week: This Alert Brought To You By The Letters "Uh" And "Oh"

Illuminated Site of the Week: Just how bad are things? Ashcroft can tell you - or rather, his pallor can. His color-coded terror alerts are waiting for you here, and he's spreading his brand of alarmism to the kids as fast as the Internet will carry it.

-- Suggested by Lynette R. F. Cowper

December 26, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Up Next: What Also Floats In Water?

Illuminated Site of the Week: A question that has plagued civilized man (for 28 years or 1,216, depending on your point of view) has been answered at last: Estimating the Airspeed Velocity of an Unladen Swallow.

-- Suggested by Jeff Brawley

December 19, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Shaking Up Your Holidays

Illuminated Site of the Week: For a little yuletide taste of that feeling of power, go to the Holiday Snowglobe and stir things up for the neighbors.

-- Suggested by Erik Wilson

December 12, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Find It At Finer Arkham Train Stations Everywhere

Illuminated Site of the Week: Have you accepted Cthulhu as your personal lord and savior? He doesn't care. Adult language, violence, Great Old One situations, brief Elder God nudity.

-- Suggested by Ted Skirvin

December 5, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Oddly, The Journal Entries Are In Order

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you missed time traveler John Titor's visit, you can catch up with most of his posts, photos, and scientific observations in digest form at The Time Travel Tale of John Titor. Assuming his trip back didn't erase him from this timeline.

-- Suggested by William Thrasher

November 28, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Lovin' The Spin We're In

Illuminated Site of the Week: Some see it as a downward spiral, but you can shine your own light on the evils of public relations in the Disinfopedia. PR firms will give you your opinion on everything from war to washing powder if you let them. But be careful: It's collaborative software, so the publicity machine isn't the only thing trying to sway you in an arena where everyone can have their semi-uncensored say.

-- Suggested by David Barrena

November 21, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: There's A Sucker Sired Every Minute

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you feel no one understands you, with your aversion to pungent garlic and your tendency to keep late hours, know that you are not alone . . . at least, not in New Jersey.

-- Suggested by m_nadrakas

November 15, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: You Gotta Be Kiddin'...Oh, You Are?

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you think there are too many parents who take demons and vampires too seriously, you should see some of the surfers who cruise into William Travis' Official Bureau 13 Homepage. This old mainstay of horror roleplaying games is apparently so convincing that even those who post to the site think their own posts are real.

-- Suggested by William Blake Smith

November 8, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: See Ceto. See Ceto Abduct. Abduct, Ceto, Abduct

Illuminated Site of the Week: Not that much of what Brother Blue has to say makes a lick of sense, but The B:.B:.'s take on the Leah Haley kid's book Ceto's New Friends is tough to nail down. Pro or con? Hogwash or the right idea done the wrong way? Offer your insights at the site.

-- Suggested by Shawn McMahon

November 1, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Remember, Kids Hate To Get The Fun-Size Brains

Illuminated Site of the Week: Nothing beats curling up with a good book when the autumn wind is whistling at the windows and the trees creak. The right book sets the mood, and the really right book may save your life. The Zombie Survival Guide spends far too much time telling folks how to protect themselves from the hungry undead, and sounds much too accurate doing it.

-- Suggested by Sean Punch

October 24, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: "I Like The Way That Rolls Off The Tongue"

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you're a super-genius or just hungry for road-runner meat, you're going to need help pursuing your dreams. Look through The Original Illustrated Catalog Of ACME Products - something is bound to strike your fancy. And if at first you don't succeed, try another variation on a theme. That's what the pros do.

-- Suggested by Jim Katic

October 17, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: "To Be Or Not To Be, That Is The Guzorninplat"

Illuminated Site of the Week: The next time you throw your hands up in frustration and lament, "What kind of baboons do they have programming this stuff?" know that your wailing may be more on-target than you think. Primate Programming™ Inc. offers customers the chance to get code at dirt-cheap prices by putting primates to work hammering away at the keyboards.

-- Suggested by Greg Nokes

October 10, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: The End Of The World Is Exhausting

Illuminated Site of the Week: The Cutting Edge is a Christian resource that manages to marry technology and belief without making it clear on which side of certain issues they fall. Maybe they're just kidding. Given the Antichrist's timetable, we can only hope.

-- Suggested by Jesse Heinig

October 3, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Something To Mull Over

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you're a big fan of mullet hairdos - and who is? - get your fix at Mullet Junky. Be warned: The use of adult language is the least unsettling thing you'll find among these flowing locks.

-- Suggested by Bonnie Elliott

September 27, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: 'Scuse Me, While I Scan The Sky

Illuminated Site of the Week: Things are looking up for conspiracy theorists. The Jeff Rense Program is looking into suspicious 9-11 aircraft photos, the Elders of Zion, Homeland Security, and This Month In UFO History. What a time to be alive.

-- Suggested by Robert Nolan MIB 5011

September 19, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Me, You, And A Job Gone Boo

Illuminated Site of the Week: The Ohio Ghost Researchers have the spirit world covered. With an empty page dedicated to fake ghost pictures and another full of unconvincing real ones, you can see what they've been up to (looks like their first, last, and only investigation has taken about two years so far). And if you think you'll get one past them, check out their thorough ghost investigation request form.

-- Suggested by John Davis

September 12, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: If You Think You Can Damn Them Better

Illuminated Site of the Week: . . . then Design your own hell, smart guy. Choose your sinners, jam-pack them (you know there are going to be plenty) into the nine levels, and let the tortures of the damned begin, you little devil.

-- Suggested by Alan and Carmel Brain

September 5, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Nothing To Report

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you're tired of viruses, blasters, bugs, and worms, switch to NaDa, the only system software extension that's guaranteed not to work for any operating system.

-- Suggested by Marcus L. Rowland

August 30, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Who Has Time For All This Stuff?

Illuminated Site of the Week: Remember the fellow who spammed the Internet, desperately seeking equipment that would allow him to travel through time? Looks like Dave Hill was able to hook him up. Check out their correspondence at Nikke's website.

-- Suggested by Geoffrey Brent

August 22, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Can I Have That When You're Done With It?

Illuminated Site of the Week: Some of us find old sofas by the side of the road and refurbish our apartments with them. The Disposal Services Agency in the United Kingdom is a lot like that except they sell the stuff they pick up. If you're in the market for an old warship or a helicopter, they want to hear from you.

-- Suggested by Merlin Tyrmorr

August 16, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Make Room, Make Room . . . For Seconds

Illuminated Site of the Week: There's nothing wrong with soylent green a decent marketing campaign can't fix, as the Soylent Green Biscuit Company ably demonstrates. Now the T-shirts - there's something very wrong with those.

-- Suggested by John Fast

August 8, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Don't Drink The Water

Illuminated Site of the Week: At least not without a healthy prayer, or perhaps a chorus of chants. Water carries within it information, and it responds to different emotional states. Lest your next bottle of H2O do you in because of a poor choice of musical accompaniment, check first with Messages from Water to see how this sensitive substance will react.

-- Suggested by B.A. Punkert

August 1, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: From The Crayon Boxes Of Babes

Illuminated Site of the Week: Our world's youth aren't immune to the effects of alien abductions. From the man who brought us the thought screen helmet comes a site to illustrate how deep the problem goes.

-- Andy

July 25, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: ...Signifying Nothing

Illuminated Site of the Week: American Technology Corporation is on the cutting edge of audio developments. They make woofers and speakers . . .

. . . and, oh yeah, sonic bullets.

-- Suggested by Euel Ball

July 18, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Fer Yer Comput-Arrr

Illuminated Site of the Week: Why bother with a full system setup if you use an economy of language to begin with? It's the pirate keyboard.

-- Suggested by whit

July 11, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: ...And If It's A Girl, Kumquat

Illuminated Site of the Week: Maybe they're bored. Maybe they're drunk. To be fair, it's tough to give a child an identity when names are either too common or too esoteric, but some parents don't even come close. If you're having a child or know someone who is, don't let them name the kid without a trip to Baby's Named a Bad, Bad Thing. The dignity you save may be your own.

-- Suggested by Roderick Robertson

July 4, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: A Frank Discussion About Art

Illuminated Site of the Week: Unless you can read Japanese, you won't understand a word of it. But art is a universal language, and these pieces of hot dog art speak for themselves.

-- Andy

June 27, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Would We Lie To You?

Illuminated Site of the Week: Someone offers you the chance to supposedly score big by helping some refugee from a failing government secret away millions of dollars . . . if you'll just give them a little seed money to get things rolling. If you haven't been spammed with a money scam like this, chances are you don't own a computer.

The good folks at Scam o Rama don't think kindly of these on-line cheats, but that doesn't mean they don't know how to mine the so-called Lads from Lagos for a good time. The worst of them are posted and held up for ridicule. Don't forget to check out their FAQ.

-- Suggested by Roderick Robertson

June 21, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Homeland Improvement

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you're asking what you can do for your country, Bruce Simpson's Daily Aardvark has begun a little DIY project: The Low-Cost Cruise Missile.

-- Suggested by Henry Cobb

June 13, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: It's Apostasy In The Lead With Satanism Bringing Up The Rear

Illuminated Site of the Week: Ladies and gentlemen, place your bets. We're headed for the end-times, and there's a rapture roundup at Rapture Ready. Their Rapture Index tracks antichrists, famine, droughts, plagues, the crime rate, Kings of the East, and more, all in an effort to give mankind a heads-up where it stands in the rapidly-winding-down scheme of things.

-- Andy

June 6, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: It's Almost A Good Idea

Illuminated Site of the Week: DARPA is still on the cutting edge. This time they're slicing through that thin veil of your privacy with the proposed LifeLog. Their site calls it "an ontology-based (sub)system that captures, stores, and makes accessible the flow of one person’s experience in and interactions with the world in order to support a broad spectrum of associates/assistants and other system capabilities." Of course, the people the LifeLogger is reporting on just might see it differently. The story in Wired calls it "an all-seeing, ultra-intrusive spying program."

Well, now we're just splitting hairs.

-- Suggested by William Thrasher

May 23, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Lost Classics Of Literature

Illuminated Site of the Week: Need a book, take a book. Have a book, leave a book. turns the entire planet into a library. Page through a few selections and see what hidden treasures may lurk near you.

-- Suggested by Trent

May 16, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Pray Only To The Ones You Like, Excommunicate Any Time

Illuminated Site of the Week: It's a veritable buffet of deities. Don't like the Norse gods? Try the Greek pantheon at the next table. Sample a side order of the Egyptian divinities. Why settle for one mythology when the God of the Month Club lets you take them all for a test-worship?

-- Suggested by WmM

May 9, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: The Internet Brings People Together

Illuminated Site of the Week: We're not so different, Americans and North Koreans. It's the Russians that spoil all the nuclear disarmament talks. Watch international politics unfold in Kim Jong Il's Journal.

-- Suggested by Erik Wilson

May 3, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: You've Got To Know The Rules Before You Can Break Them

Illuminated Site of the Week: So before you begin a career as an Illuminated Seer, start by seeing how everything is related. Go to Lexical FreeNet and use their connected thesaurus to find all manner of disturbing, amusing, or just plain unexpected ties between words, phrases, and their myriad uses. There may be a test later.

-- Suggested by Peter Joyce

April 25, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: A Real Genius Would Have It Killing People By Now

Illuminated Site of the Week: But if all you want is a little company while you're sitting at your desk, start by learning How to Build a Computerized Android Robot Head for $600.00.

-- Suggested by William Thrasher

April 18, 2003: Illuminated Site of the Week: Not If I See You First

Illuminated Site of the Week: As Janeane Garofalo asked, "Is that portentous, or merely noteworthy?"

-- Suggested by Michael Reynolds

April 11, 2003: A Pox Upon Thee

Illuminated Site of the Week: Give the gift of divine retribution. Since the wrath of the gods is terrible to behold, Products of the Apocalypse offers it in an easy-to-digest snowglobe format.

-- Suggested by William Thrasher

April 4, 2003: And Yes, Some Of It Involves Steam

Illuminated Site of the Week: Ah, for the good old days when innovation required nothing more than a willing spirit and American can-do. And a length of pipe. And a steam engine. And a few miles of copper wire. And...well, the other stuff at The Musuem of RetroTechnology.

-- Suggested by Richard Guy

March 28, 2003: A Breath Of Fresh Air

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you're worried about your health and the high cost of living, breathe easy. The Breatharian Institute of America can teach you how to live on air alone. And maybe some bottled water.

-- Suggested by Gerard Lamarck

March 21, 2003: It's What's Inside That Counts

Illuminated Site of the Week: Hostage takers are pretty quick to ask for a million dollars without considering the practicalities. How much does it weigh? How much space does it take up? Find out How Much Is Inside?

And that's not all. How many ping-pong balls fit into a Chevy Trailblazer? How much blood does the human body hold? And if you never gotten around to squeezing out your toothpaste end-to-end, they've done the hard work for you.

-- Suggested by Jake Cotter

March 14, 2003: It's Mostly In The Name Of Science

Illuminated Site of the Week: In this country, we're less likely to hide weapons of mass destruction and more inclined to build up a website touting the fabulous power we carelessly hold at our fingertips. Visit Sam Barros's PowerLabs and watch as he bends chemistry to his will and crushes full soda cans with nothing but a semiconductor. Make fun of him at your peril . . . he's also building a rail gun.

-- Suggested by Dan McCulley

March 7, 2003: Some People Ask "Why Not?"

Illuminated Site of the Week: It's everything you ever wanted to know about UFOs, but were waiting for someone else to ask, arrange, and compile. The Why? Files looks for a few answers in the night skies.

-- Suggested by Geoff Richardson

February 28, 2003: I Thought We Were An Autonomous Collective

Illuminated Site of the Week: Stonehenge is an enduring mystery. What is it? Who built it, and why? The good news is we've found the King of Stonehenge. The bad news is he's been dead for 4,300 years. Still, you'd be amazed what the Amesbury Archer has been able to tell Wessex Archaeology.

-- Andy

February 21, 2003: The Camera Loves Him

Illuminated Site of the Week: He can show us joy. Sorrow. Anger. Surprise. Can he do perplexed bemusement? You're welcome to ask. Watch in idle fascination (or watch his idle fascination) as Eric Conveys An Emotion.

-- Suggested by Jens 'Spacejens' Rydholm

February 14, 2003: Now You Know Where To Go

Illuminated Site of the Week: They say the whole world is going to hell, so the United Kingdom will probably see a lot of tourism this year. They have several Entrances to Hell to choose from. Descend into the ground, pass through the gates, or make use of public works.

-- From multiple submissions

February 7, 2003: Trouble In Paradise

Illuminated Site of the Week: It's a nice place to visit, but they wouldn't want you to live there. The Hawaiian Kingdom wants to see the American occupation of their island nation end.

-- Suggested by Loren Wiseman

January 31, 2003: Trouble In Paradise

Illuminated Site of the Week: It's a nice place to visit, but they wouldn't want you to live there. The Hawaiian Kingdom wants to see the American occupation of their island nation end.

-- Suggested by Loren Wiseman

January 24, 2003: Trouble In Paradise

Illuminated Site of the Week: It's a nice place to visit, but they wouldn't want you to live there. The Hawaiian Kingdom wants to see the American occupation of their island nation end.

-- Suggested by Loren Wiseman

January 17, 2003: That's A Stretch

Illuminated Site of the Week: Remember all those people who chastised you as a kid for your "juvenile" hijinks shooting rubber bands? With the rubber band Devastator Gatling gun at Rubberband Guns, no one's going to be laughing now.

-- Suggested by Blake Smith

January 10, 2003: Time Is Money

Illuminated Site of the Week: In a big way. The folks who oversee The Time Travel Fund know this, and they seem to have all their bases covered. A little down payment now may score you a trip to the future, fully financed by accrued interest. Sign up now - time's a-wastin'.

-- Suggested by Jake Cotter

December 27, 2002: Half Past No. 2

Illuminated Site of the Week: History is written by the winners. At this website, so is the current time.

-- From multiple suggestions

December 20, 2002: Go Not Gentle Into That Good Futon

Illuminated Site of the Week: wants to reduce the cost of dying. They sell furniture made of caskets, casket novelties, casket merchandise (some of the naughty kind for Mom and Dad only), and, should you be feeling under the weather, actual coffins.

-- Suggested by Joshua Marquart

December 13, 2002: Harry Potter Is Buff

Illuminated Site of the Week: Improve your charisma! Increase those abs! Sweep the business world! It's unfair, but it's also undetectable because it's Magitech! Their technology will boost your mystical powers and make initiation into a coven a thing of the past.

-- Suggested by giovanni

December 6, 2002: Writ Large

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you're the creative type running out of stylized type, Killer Fonts offers you brand new ones, all of them based on handwriting samples of the dead. Jesse James, George Washington, Christopher Columbus . . . now you've got a signature style to go with your .sig file.

-- Suggested by Bud

November 29, 2002: Taking Great Strides

Illuminated Site of the Week: With enough footwork, we'll have Sasquatch coverage for the whole nation. We're adding to the likes of the Texas Bigfoot Research Center and the Gulf Coast Bigfoot Research Organization. Now if someone would just cover New York City.

-- Suggested by Autumn Williams

November 22, 2002: At The Sound Of The Tone, The Time Is The Least Of Your Problems

Illuminated Site of the Week: Maybe we can't nail down where all the smallpox tubes are, but the GammaMaster watch with its built-in Geiger counter will give you notice when the radiation is getting too hot to handle. "Useful for ordinary citizens," says the ad - those who have a few extra hundred dollars lying around.

-- Suggested by Douglas Haxton

November 15, 2002: Those Wonderful Toys

Illuminated Site of the Week: It's not enough to have a master plan for taking over the world. You need a base, minions, weapons, armor . . . the works. Even the most demanding taskmaster can't help but drool at the criminal catalog offered by You must be as tall as this battering ram to make a purchase - some of this site isn't for the little ruffians.

-- From multiple suggestions

November 8, 2002: Don't Try This At . . . Well, Wherever

Illuminated Site of the Week: Adventure isn't something you have to travel far to find. If you're not the woodsy type, stay in your own home town and get mauled by a whole other slew of hazards. The Urban Exploration Ring takes you on a virtual tour of virtually deserted areas like steam tunnels, cemeteries, factories, and other locations where everyone from LARPers to spelunkers can sate their appetite for the stuff of urban legend.

-- Suggested by Joe Littrell

November 1, 2002: Spare The Rod

Illuminated Site of the Week: The skies are getting mighty crowded these days. The UFOs are being pushed aside by the mysterious Roswell Rods, long shafts with flapping membranes that cruise the heavens at blinding speed. Are they alien craft? Living organisms? Undiscovered aquatic creatures? More traffic for the holidays, and every kid's going to want one for Christmas.

-- Suggested by Bonnie Acton

October 25, 2002: They Won't Stay Dead

Illuminated Site of the Week: We offered you protection in the form of Zombie Alert, an alarm that sounds in the presence of the shambling undead. Should you need more convincing, The Federal Vampire & Zombie Agency will give you some idea of the extent of this threat. This is not a drill, people.

-- From Multiple Submissions

October 18, 2002: Meaty As A Hatter

Illuminated Site of the Week: There's a new breed of hamerdasher in the fashion world. To see their work, check out Hats of Meat. Mad cow disease may not be limited to quadrupeds.

-- Suggested by Steve

October 11, 2002: Forgetting To Change The Batteries Would Be Embarrassing

Illuminated Site of the Week: Onko has your best interests at heart - which, by extension, means your brains. Zombie Alert is guaranteed to warn of impending zombie attacks, the statistics of which are frightening. Protect your family today, or just get a head start on them.

-- Suggested by William Thrasher

October 4, 2002: We're Going To Need A Bigger File

Illuminated Site of the Week: The evidence mounts against mind-controlling neuro-electromagnetic technology as Eleanor White has her say at Freedom Isn't Free.

-- Suggested by Blake Smith

September 27, 2002: Now Here's Something You'll Really Like

Illuminated Site of the Week: Even the Secret Masters have to clean house at some point. When clearing out the warehouse, they apparently pull out information files as well and dump them onto MØØse Droppings.

-- Suggested by Eric A. Burns

September 20, 2002: Some People Build Castles In The Sky...

Illuminated Site of the Week: ...other people live in them. After a hard day of watching reality unravel, stack some drifting dunes at Asylum Sand Art Therapy.

Aah. Isn't that better?

-- Suggested by Martin J. Barela

September 13, 2002: Looking For Trouble

Illuminated Site of the Week: If Google isn't giving you the results you need, you could use something a little more...arcane. Cthuugle is a search engine that lets you find all things Lovecraft. Not that doing so is recommended. Most people don't go looking for the Old Ones, and if you get any hits, they may be inflicted on you.

-- Suggested by Scott Haring

September 6, 2002: The Wonderful Wizard Southeast Of Oz

Illuminated Site of the Week: McKellan isn't the only Ian plying his magical trade down under. Ian Brackenbury Channell, the official first Wizard of New Zealand, protects the island and conjures up tourism.

-- Suggested by Dan McCulley

August 30, 2002: I've Got A Crush On You

Illuminated Site of the Week: A diamond is forever, so most people use them to say "I love you." LifeGem goes one step further - their gems are made from the carbon when your beloved dies.

-- Suggested by Darkwulf and Doug Haxton

August 23, 2002: I Think, Therefore They Am

Illuminated Site of the Week: The Global Consciousness Project records thousands of random electronic "coin flips" on computers worldwide to see if the results change when the world undergoes upheaval. We may be able to predict disaster...or our collective emotions may be the cause of them. If this primer is too simple, the GCP has enough information to make your eyes bleed.

-- Suggested by Sebastian Tauchmann

August 16, 2002: Redefining Music

Illuminated Site of the Week: When he first read the dictionary, comedian Steven Wright said he thought it was a poem about everything. Another muse has the reins, however., The Singing Dictionary, uses the audio word pronunciation guides from interactive dictionaries to provide the voices for any number of musical hits (for those who can download the MP3s).

-- Suggested by Blake Smith

August 9, 2002: Re: Incarnation

Illuminated Site of the Week: A memo from the desk of the deceased - reincarnation happens, and the Unarius Academy of Science has the proof. Ask James Dean the next time he attunes to this plane.

-- Suggested by William Thrasher

August 2, 2002: Striking From The Shadows

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you want to be a master assassin, go to Master Ninja and get your first assignment. They won't ask you to liquidate anyone, but hey, everyone's gotta start somewhere.

-- Suggested by Michael McDowell

July 19, 2002: Nothing To Fear But Phobophobia

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you're ready to face your fears - and everyone else's - check out The Phobia List. Good for Call of Cthulhu games (unless you have teratophobia), impassioned political speeches (barring politicophobia), and relationships (which doubtless leads to soceraphobia). Unless you have logizomechanophobia.

-- Suggested by Robin

July 12, 2002: The Facts In Question

Illuminated Site of the Week: What's the Australian version of Bigfoot? Who gave rise to the legend of Mr. Hyde? And whatever became of spellcheckers? Some of these questions and more are answered at Did You Know? Useless Information For Your Brain!

-- Suggested by Peter Rivera

July 5, 2002: Heart Failures Are Up, Insurance Rates Are Down

Illuminated Site of the Week: Crime statistics are shocking, but if anyone tries to lay finger to your ride, the Auto Taser, much like the Air Taser, will send a few thousand volts through potential car thieves.

-- Suggested by Timothy McDowell

June 28, 2002: Cinéma Vérité

Illuminated Site of the Week: Summer means movies with special effects so great you won't believe your eyes. Just how unbelievable is what the Insultingly Stupid Movie Physics site tries to impress upon its readers.

-- Suggested by Michael Rogers

June 21, 2002: Light Reading For The Trip Down

Illuminated Site of the Week: Everybody's a critic. The Skeptic's Annotated Bible takes on the venerable tome and seeks answers to the seemingly contradictory questions it raises with hyperlinks galore.

-- Suggested by Blake Smith

June 14, 2002: An Iron-Clad Guarantee

Illuminated Site of the Week: Freedom follows you wherever you go with the Bill of Rights - Security Edition, though you may end up having to give up your rights.

-- Suggested by Inspector 81

May 31, 2002: Those Voices In My Brain Are A Real Headache

Illuminated Site of the Week: Technical Configurations: Directed Energy Attacks & Mind Assault gives you a good idea what mind control is like from both sides. The hapless puppet's brain is an open book, ripe for abuse by soulless hidden masters; the puppeteers get a pension plan.

-- Suggested by Aaron Hiebert

May 24, 2002: Currency Events

Illuminated Site of the Week: Acts of kindness are the coin of the realm in this second-generation kinder, gentler nation - literally. Steve and Scott send out specially minted coins, each with a history that's tracked on-line. To see where the coins have been, see Act of, where no good deed goes unpublished.

-- Suggested by Steve Hasenfus

May 17, 2002: More Obits Than You Can Shake A Parrot At

Illuminated Site of the Week: Ain't No Way To Go is the Internet's way of telling you to slow down. Herein find any number of odd and unfortunate ways to shuffle off this mortal coil. It's a collection of news stories from around the world, but that doesn't mean sensitive readers shouldn't exercise caution . . .

-- Suggested by Brett Slocum

May 10, 2002: Eine Klein Bottle Music

Illuminated Site of the Week: Some sales pitches just fall flat. Take Acme Klein Bottle for example. Their business may be expanding, but their product - real Klein bottles - are falling flat, restricted to two dimensions as they are.

-- Suggested by Mike Barnes

April 26, 2002: Eating Of The Minds

Illuminated Site of the Week: The Internet makes shopping for anything easier and more convenient.

Don't misunderstand - that's not a good thing. See for proof.

-- Suggested by David Evans

April 19, 2002: IllSotW: Its Millennia Come 'Round At Last

Illuminated Site of the Week: Lonely for another apocalypse? There's another one on the way. The errant and mysterious Planet X - apparently all those old movie serials weren't kidding - is making another pass too close for comfort. Heralding all manner of weather changes, earthquakes, and upheavals, the world's governments are hushing the whole thing up. Sadly it doesn't look like X is on its own; there are all kinds of super-secret space junk threatening our home.

-- Suggested by Clark D. Rodeffer

April 12, 2002: You, Too, Can Include A Zippy Dance Number

Illuminated Site of the Week: What's better than reversing the effects of aging with human growth hormones, investing in stocks that will skyrocket, and getting millions of dollars from the Bank of Nigeria? Why, putting it all to music. Spamradio takes all the Internet's greatest hits and makes beautiful music. Unlike recording outfits, they even parse the sexy ones into their own section, which is good. You know these kids today; the sensational stuff always hits the top of the charts.

-- Suggested by Brett Slocum

April 5, 2002: They Beat The Tar Out Of Crop Circles

Illuminated Site of the Week: What Is It? couldn't be any more to the point: Someone is leaving messages embedded in the streets of major cities, most of them making oblique references to Stanley Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey. What does the message really mean? Who is leaving these missives? And will we find an obelisk if we dig up the road? It should surprise no one that potholes are part of the conspiracy.

-- Suggested by Eric Rossing

March 29, 2002: Brown Hair, Blue Eyes, And An Orc-Inflicted Scar

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you're a gamemaster and you're hard up for a picture of your latest NPC, or if you're a player who wants to add a little extra something to his sheet, Ultimate Flash Face provides a terrific public service. Choose the eyes, the nose, the moments, you have an instant character portrait.

Ooo, you know, the police could probably get some use out of this program, too.

-- Suggested by Chris Dicely

March 22, 2002: You Should Get That Looked At

Illuminated Site of the Week: The Internet provides a wealth of information, including medical advice. Not that "I have a pain in my left leg" stuff -'s Human Virus Scanner gives you the inside scoop on the memes that may have infected your mind, and practical advice on what to do about it.

-- Suggested by Omar K. Ravenhurst and Bob Schroeck

March 15, 2002: It's not a Bug, it's a Feature

Illuminated Site of the Week: The works of Shakespeare are immortal; so, it seems, are cockroaches. So why not marry the two? Why not indeed, asks Jaron Lanier, who sees in a bug's junk DNA the perfect medium for maintaining the great works. Great, assuming the New York Times morgue is literature to last the ages. They must be hedging their bets and hoping for favorable treatment with this article.

-- Suggested by David Cunnius

March 8, 2002: Bilder...Builder...Mason...Of Course...

Illuminated Site of the Week: Tony Gosling has a lot to say about the cabal that controls things. The Bilderberg Conferences seem to be one of the worst-kept secrets in the world domination game, and he's blowing the lid wider open.

-- Suggested by Scott McNair

March 1, 2002: And if Time Permits, the Tower of London

Illuminated Site of the Week: Wild cats stalk the streets and ghostbusters hunt 600-year-old spirits. Strange substances bubble beneath the surface and novelty toys fight crime. The latest role-playing game? No. This is Local London, or more accurately, this is the This is Weird section of This is Local London, and if this is all that's going on there, they're not getting enough tourism.

-- Suggested by Ed Fortune

February 22, 2002: You Do Your Own Dirty Work

Illuminated Site of the Week: The only thing more worrisome than a grand worldwide scheme plotted by mystic forces beyond understanding is a lazy bunch of forces that want you to do all the legwork. The Degree Confluence Project wants to find and photograph every intersection of lines of latitude and longitude. Why do they need this seemingly benign information? And why aren't they willing to deal with the ones in the ocean? Just what are they trying to hide?

-- Suggested by Brian C. Smithson

February 15, 2002: Chew the Fat

Illuminated Site of the Week: The advertising world is thick with ads from the meat and dairy boards and their respectable ilk, but the often overlooked fat faction seldom gets a fair hearing. The British Lard Marketing Board would like to weigh in and beg of you your precious consumer dollars. Anyone who subsists off glutinous snacks knows fat is what keeps most food companies afloat.

-- Suggested by Matt Nailon

February 8, 2002: This Could Drag On

Illuminated Site of the Week: No one told us instability in the Middle East was going to cost us irreplaceable archaeological evidence of the existence of dragons. Dragons Unlimited does what it can to preserve the lineage of these magnificent beasts, but as this story shows, any movement for a dragon habitat is fighting an uphill battle.

-- Suggested by Ken Ransom

February 1, 2002: Stepping on Each Other's Feet...or Toes

Illuminated Site of the Week: They say Texas is big, but that doesn't explain how the dedicated men and women of The Texas Bigfoot Research Center don't keep running into our old friends from the Gulf Coast Bigfoot Research Organization. They share the same interests and the same stomping grounds, but each seems to be blazing its own trail instead of following in the other's footsteps. Perhaps they cover more ground that way.

-- Suggested by Craig Woolheater

January 25, 2002: Troubled Waters

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you'll recall, we featured the Ban Dihydrogen Monoxide site in last week's Illuminator. It caused a flood of inquiries, and it should come as no surprise that so deep a topic has proponents everywhere. The mother site chimes in, as does the Dihydrogen Monoxide Research Division. But as steamed as they are, they aren't without critics: DHMO: Your All-Natural Friend tries to douse the flames of ignorance with their decidedly staunch support of this misunderstood compound.

-- Suggested by David Levi

January 18, 2002: Dihydrogen Monoxide, Dihydrogen Monoxide Everywhere

Illuminated Site of the Week: Finally there's a coalition to Ban Dihydrogen Monoxide. This "invisible killer" is everywhere, killing houseplants, destroying the landscape, and threatening humanity. Can nothing stem the tide? Your contributions can help.

-- Suggested by Jayson Howell

January 11, 2002: Your Web-Fu's Pretty Good

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you think you can do a better job of mixing the soundtrack to a Bruce Lee chop-sockey flick than the crew, you're welcome to try, but as I Know Where Bruce Lee Lives will prove, the results end up sounding the same no matter who does it. Kiiaaii!

-- Suggested by Tom Bolenbaugh

January 4, 2002: Bare Bones Entertainment

Illuminated Site of the Week: It's just the skeleton of an idea, but it seems to be more than enough to keep you occupied. Now if only they had a snappy intro to catch your attention...

-- Suggested by Fred Wolke

December 21, 2001: "Message for You, Sir"

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you're like most people, you often think, "Pumpkins aren't airborne enough." If you're like these guys, you fix that by building trebuchets and other siege engines to get the job done. Then you compound the problem by writing poetry about it.

-- Suggested by Paul May

December 14, 2001: Love is in the Air

Illuminated Site of the Week: So you've had an argument with a girlfriend?

No. You haven't. He has. Put the brakes on that breakup, because you don't know how good you've got it.

-- Suggested by Anthony Salter

December 7, 2001: And the Valets Won't Stick Around for a Tip

Illuminated Site of the Week: The U.S. Army TACOM National Automotive Center, in partnership with the International Armoring Corporation and Integrated Concepts & Research, introduces the SmarTruck, a warrior-worthy vehicle packed with all the spy goodies and optional weapons the on-the-go armorer could want. Would-be international kidnappers will be almost as surprised by the grenade launchers as citizens will be to discover the Army has a national automotive center. Go here to see some specs or, if .pdfs are too slow, see the news story from Wired.

-- Suggested by Karl

November 30, 2001: 'pun My Word

Illuminated Site of the Week: Some things should remain outside man's domain. We tried to resist so evil an address, but now URL witness to our perfidy. The Illuminated Site of the Weak:

-- Suggested by Dan Riehs

November 23, 2001: Let's See It Open a Child-Proof Cap

Illuminated Site of the Week: Mysteries that have baffled mankind for centuries have been solved by LEGO® technology - well, "centuries," assuming the Mesopotamians had Rubik's Cubes®. JP Brown's CubeSolver sends the popular '80s toy home cryin' to mama.

-- Suggested by Mark Bassett

November 16, 2001: Don't Make Us Come Down There

Illuminated Site of the Week: Angel, God, gods: Elohim has been misread so many times. They're aliens come from the sky to visit their creation, the human race. They're disappointed at all the violence mankind engages in, but they're willing to forgive and forget (we didn't listen to their prophets). In fact, they'll mediate if we'll build them an embassy (with a swimming pool, natch). The Raelian Revolution has started.

Makes you wonder what else went wrong in translation.

-- Suggested by Scott McNair

November 9, 2001: The Lord Downloadeth

Illuminated Site of the Week: When demons come a-callin', deliverance is just a click away at Demonbuster. Know thine enemy; threaten unruly demons with "The Box"; learn more with the FAQ:
Q: Can demons transfer from person to person?
A: YES! They kinda CLONE.
-- Suggested by Geoffrey Brent

November 2, 2001: The All-Seeing Eye Knows No Blind Alley

Illuminated Site of the Week: So if you find yourself, say, here, don't be too sure that's not right where They want you.

-- Suggested by Kristian Madsen

October 26, 2001: Just Ducky

Illuminated Site of the Week: Round 1 is over as of August, but i found a duck has been so popular another round is in the works. 500 plastic ducks start in London and race around the world in the biggest plastic duck race on Earth. If you find one of the little darlings, make note of its progress and see that it gets to another distant destination safely. (Now if airport personnel ask if anyone's given you anything, you can say, "Just this duck.")

-- Suggested by Joshua Turton

October 19, 2001: The Best Defense is Not to Have Any Enemies

Illuminated Site of the Week: His Holiness Maharishi said every country will be completely invincible when they learn not to give birth to enemies. Such powerful invincibility can only be found at the point of Super Unification.

-- Suggested by Dan Simpson

October 12, 2001: Wanted: Clerk for Light Conspiracy Work

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you are devious by nature, think globally and can type 90 wpm, we've got a keyboard for you. No longer will the plot to keep typing speed down hinder your ambitions. ZZZ online features a new keyboard - actually more of a keyobelisk - that will let you write in any language at incredible speed.

-- Suggested by David Levi

October 5, 2001: Much, Much Higher Learning

Illuminated Site of the Week: The Institute of Physics and Astronomy, University of Aarhus is a mad scientist's dream come true...several dreams, in fact. The research focuses on everything from manipulating light to creating a quantum computer that will foil all attempts at decryption. Their latest pet project is teleportation. Small wonder their lab looks like something off The X-Files set. Check out the research and papers at the site.

-- Suggested by Daniel Bartholomew

September 28, 2001: But Do They Have a Lifetime Guarantee?

Illuminated Site of the Week: Eternal life is within your grasp - in fact, it's wrapped around your little fingers. Alex Chiu's Immortality Device is a pair of rings worn around the fingers. They can be coupled with a pair of foot braces for nighttime use, and you can also get the Immortality Neodymium Rings, which are 21 times stronger than, um . . . immortality.

If you're not satisfied with eternal life within 90 days, you can get a full refund.

-- From Multiple Submissions

September 21, 2001: It's Always the Last Person You'd Suspect

Illuminated Site of the Week: The Nephilim may have been found out. Seems these Biblical barbarian giants were disguised as Neanderthal Man the whole time. There may be fossil and even Scriptural evidence to this effect, but don't bother to clone them. Remember, The Nephilim Resistance Task Force is still ready to put them down.

-- Suggested by Jan Berrien Berends

September 14, 2001: We Cannot Allow a Green Cheese Gap

Illuminated Site of the Week: The United Nations has tried to ban people from traipsing up to the moon whenever they feel the urge and sticking a flag in it, but The Lunar Republic, when established here on Earth, will monitor and adjudicate the uses to which everyone's favorite satellite is put. No longer will its popular landmarks be endangered by growing development concerns.

-- Suggested by Gary Nichols

September 7, 2001: Why Wait for the Missiles to Come to Us?

Illuminated Site of the Week: Death from above isn't going to come in the form of missiles but bits and pieces of them. We're gearing up to shoot them down with an airborne laser before they even clear the country of origin.

-- Suggested by Andrew McHattie

August 31, 2001: Dude, Launch Me a Cold One

Illuminated Site of the Week: Ever have a project needing work but you just had to finish this one other thing before you could do anything else? Simon Jansen, he of the ASCII-animated Star Wars, got tired of warm beer while working in his shed and so has built the world's first jet powered beer cooler. Makes you proud to be a New Zealander.

-- Suggested by David Crowell

August 24, 2001: Set Carrots on Stun

Illuminated Site of the Week: The World Carrot Museum goes a long way toward explaining the GFP Bunny Project. The glowing green bunny must have found out what the Carrot Museum already knows: carrots make excellent lasers.

-- Suggested by David Cunnius

August 17, 2001: The Romans Were Half-Right

Illuminated Site of the Week: The games being played out are actually Blood and Circuses according to Ground Zero. How do you play? You're playing right now. What are the rules? That would take all the fun out of it. Who are your opponents? It could be the guy next to you.

-- Suggested by Michael Feld

August 10, 2001: Culture Crash

Illuminated Site of the Week: Drying paint takes a backseat to the moment-by-moment drama that is crustal formation. Amusements: The Continental Drift Cam gives regular updates on the movement of our landmasses. It looks like a collision with Asia is inevitable, but Africa is coming up fast.

-- Suggested by McRey Moyer

August 3, 2001: Reality is What You Can Piece Together

Illuminated Site of the Week: The dead, including some of the former royal houses of Europe, have possessed the living to create a book and a web page revealing to us The Truth of Reality (Leeza Gibbons' past life has lent a hand as well in between music and entertainment gigs). Find a dimension to match your outfit, beware Andy Taylor and the Catholic Church, and don't forget to pick up a T-shirt.

-- Suggested by J. Alan Hatcher

July 27, 2001: Corroborating Evidence

Illuminated Site of the Week: Peel back the onion and there's always another, deeper layer. The International Movement for the Ban of Radiofrequency Weapons Controling Human Nervous System had a fairly rosy view of mind control compared to the Project Freedom Network's psycho-electronic weapons. The New World Order, political prisoners and Freemasonic Brotherhood are just icing on the cake.

-- Suggested by Cornelius Tacitus

July 20, 2001: "I Knew I Shoulda Taken That Left Turn at Alamagordo"

Illuminated Site of the Week: At the GFP Bunny Project, they practice transgenic art "with a commitment to respect, nurture, and love the life thus created," which in this case is a glowing green rabbit.

-- From multiple submissions

July 13, 2001: Nothing New Under the SEGA

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you're getting a sense of déjà vu while playing that new video game, there's good reason. The Grand List Of Console Role Playing Game Clichés reminds us that the best plots are the ones you already know, or at least bits and pieces of them.

-- Suggested by Nana Yaw Ofori

July 6, 2001: Just a Little Hint? Pleeease?

Illuminated Site of the Week: They say three can keep a secret if two of them are dead. The Disclosure Project has gone above and beyond the call by listing dozens of stories from UFO eyewitnesses in hopes of getting the government to come clean about aliens. If you've got a congressman, they want your help.

-- Suggested by David Cunnius

June 22, 2001: "Did Not!" "Did Too!"

Illuminated Site of the Week: Every fantastic phenomenon has its skeptics. Now every skeptic has his critic. It's getting to be a shoving match on the Internet, and the bell for the latest round has been rung on PsyZone. Folks like James Randi take it on the chin, and Winston Wu offers his refutation of the scientific method.

-- Suggested by Brett Slocum

June 15, 2001: Which Part of "Be Prepared" Didn't You Understand?

Illuminated Site of the Week: Science is always fun until someone gets irradiated. Dangerous Laboratories is all in favor of combining learning and entertainment, but all it takes is one mad scientist Boy Scout to spoil nuclear materials for the rest of us.

-- Suggested by Sean Dalziel

June 8, 2001: The Goddess Must Have Seen Him Coming First

Illuminated Site of the Week: Is it Discordian wisdom hidden in poetry, or the ravings of a disenfranchised artist? Only his webmaster knows for sure.

-- Suggested by Jonathan Vasque

June 1, 2001: We Shall Eat them in the Kitchen, in the Dining Room

Illuminated Site of the Week: The indignities suffered by marshmallow peeps in the pursuit of scientific truth were but a prelude to war. Now the hardy little candies are getting their marching orders in Peep War, a tabletop game that pits the glutinous chicks and their jellified soldiery in no-holds-barred battle. History is written by the winners, and the losers get eaten.

-- Suggested by Rus Hall

May 25, 2001: What is Behind You is Vitally Important

Illuminated Site of the Week: Whether you're a fan of dangerous cop shows or you're just planning on having friends back home videotape your flight from justice, PursuitWatch offers you quick access to car chases across the nation. Sign up and they'll page you any time there's a televised pursuit in your area.

-- Andy

May 18, 2001: You Must be This Tall to Hunt Bigfoot

Illuminated Site of the Week: Feeling the South was getting short shrift, the Gulf Coast Bigfoot Research Organization was formed to point the Bigfoot-hunting spotlight at the southern states. The GCBRO has databases of sightings for the 50 states, Australia, and the rest of the world. They also have a site dedicated to weird stuff.

-- Suggested by Josh Marquart

May 11, 2001: For the Junior Harper's Set

Illuminated Site of the Week: Recalling the finer publications of yesteryear, Timothy McSweeney's reminds us of a time when bands played in gazebos and kids rolled hoops down the streets. It then delves into advertising for the Great Old Ones and regales us with tales from Traig & McGrath, shut-in detectives.

-- Suggested by Richard Guy

May 4, 2001: There's a Sucker Sold Every Minute

Illuminated Site of the Week: Modern medicine is all about speed: the faster you act, the better the patient's chances are. It should come as no small relief, then, that Leeches U.S.A. Ltd. can FedEx leeches to you. Housing is available, should your long-term needs demand a leech mobile home. Be aware: Users should be professionals, and the leeches are non-returnable.

-- Suggested by Steve Jackson

April 27, 2001: Arlington is So Last Century

Illuminated Site of the Week: Grave matters seem to weigh heavily on Richard A. Slezak's mind. Oh, sure, you can find Spooky Concentration and the Elizabethan Curse Generator at The Minotaur's Labyrinth, but the big thrust seems to be graves and graveyards. See how your local boneyard stacks up against the best the City by the Bay has to offer.

-- Suggested by Paul Dickey

April 20, 2001: Falsehoods Are Job One

Illuminated Site of the Week: If the job market dries up, don't blame the president, blame the kindly, soft-spoken creatures that inhabit Bogus Bay. They're the ones locking up all the good jobs with hysterically less-than-plausible résumés.

-- Suggested by Don Magor

April 13, 2001: Oh, You'll Lose Weight, All Right

Illuminated Site of the Week: David George Gordon's Website has some curious literary offerings. He'll help you get rid of slugs and other pests. How? Well...

How hungry are you?

-- Suggested by Rob Knight

April 6, 2001: The Real Thing Wouldn't Fit in Your Mailbox

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you have a yen to collect the treasures of history, no time-tripping is necessary. You can stay in your own era and have Design Toscano produce a wide variety of falcon statues, to-scale King Tut sarcophagi, and replicas of Stonehenge as it appeared thousands of years ago. And if their talent pool has that kind of information, you can be sure delivery will be no problem.

-- Suggested by Rus Hall

March 30, 2001: Take Two Bytes and Call Me in the Morning

Illuminated Site of the Week: Psionic healing is a mouse-click away. US Psionics is offering the healing power of their Cybershaman computer program at discount prices, and the science of radionics is just one of their ongoing research projects.

-- Suggested by Dwellyn Myrddin

March 23, 2001: William Christopher Holley, Super-Genius

Illuminated Site of the Week: The recession must have already hit if Mr. Holley can't find a decent job. If your beleaguered tech start-up or ailing dot-com needs a pick-me-up, go to his Genius site. Or if you need astrological advice. Or Las Vegas odds.

-- Suggested by Indiana Banzai

March 16, 2001: Who Do These Guys Climb Over on the Way to the Top?

Illuminated Site of the Week: FEMA's secret plan for government control. Interview with the alien. Experimental everything. All their information is Above Top Secret, but much of it may be over your head anyway.

-- Suggested by Scott Case

March 9, 2001: Let's See You Cross the Velvet Rope

Illuminated Site of the Week: If your travel agent tells you she's sending you to a vacation hot spot, take heed: Although no one is likely to steal the exhibits from any of the sites listed at The Bureau of Atomic Tourism, the displays may be the only things feeling safe.

-- Suggested by Murray M. Lee

March 2, 2001: Building Elf-Esteem

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you feel somehow out of place in this world, you aren't alone. You may just be Otherkin's kind of people. Your odds are pretty good, in fact, given the variety of people with whom they feel kinship. Fairies, angels and more unite, and sign the guestbook.

-- Suggested by John Crimmins

February 23, 2001: Buy the Lies of the Silvery Moon

Illuminated Site of the Week: Looks like NASA has been breaking a few laws, starting with those of physics. You've heard the rumors about our falsified trips to the moon, but you also know in this day and age you can't expect people to see past a conspiracy's lies without the video companion. James A. Collier's Was it Only a Paper Moon? thrusts the lunar sham into the cold light of day.

-- Suggested by Steve Jackson

February 16, 2001: Barking to Prozac

Illuminated Site of the Week: Pet feeling down? Not sure what's troubling him? Talk to Georgina Cyr, Animal Communicator -- or rather, have her talk to you pooch, cat or turtle. Find out how life is treating your best friend, and if it's not good news, she'll tell you how you can change it for the better.

-- Suggested by Ron Ullrich

February 9, 2001: Satan Has Sold Out

Illuminated Site of the Week: He's so plastic. A tool. At soulXchange, they still know the value of a, a soul. Buy 'em, trade 'em and sell 'em. There are no fees, which is a good thing. After all, some people don't have $8 a trade, but everyone's got a soul.

-- Suggested by Genevieve Cogman

February 2, 2001: Badgers? We Don't Need No...Oh, Never Mind

Illuminated Site of the Week: But if you do need them, It's a Badger! seems to have quite a surplus.

-- Suggested by Chris Badger

January 26, 2001: Coming for Christmas 2001

Illuminated Site of the Week: You can develop all the IR goggles and robot warriors and nanotech viruses you want, but the future of warfare is clear: throwing 2" x 4"s into your enemy's steel butt.

-- Suggested by Diane Donaldson

January 19, 2001: Just Forward Their Mail - You'll Sleep Better

Illuminated Site of the Week: According to Maryland's SunSpot online news service, real-estate juggling has resulted in some astronomers getting a former National Security Agency spy station in the forests of North Carolina. The need for an isolated bowl-shaped valley was peculiar to both groups; the high-security doors, sophisticated plumbing, enormous radar dishes and enough power to keep Disneyland alight were just a bonus. As for how the new owners discovered their windows were bulletproof . . .

-- Suggested by Beth McCoy

January 12, 2001: If It's Not One Thing, It's Another

Illuminated Site of the Week: The Earth is hollow; why else wouldn't it weigh more? There's a man with cosmic top secret clearance who's about three dozen levels too low on the totem pole to give you the full truth about aliens. And the Pyramids? Forget them. The real secret lies in a tunnel under the Sphinx, starship designs no doubt carved on the walls. No matter how strange you think it gets, you just don't get it. Think About It.

-- Suggested by Jason Sharp

January 5, 2001: The Nerve of Some People

Illuminated Site of the Week: Everybody has a nervous system, and it's getting more nervous with every breakthrough. Soon the governments of the world will be involved in a battle of wills using entire populations unless we join the International Movement for the Ban of Radio Frequency Weapons Controlling the Human Nervous System. It's a mouthful, sure, but it'll be a brainful if we don't stop it in its tracks.

How does this organization intend to put out the word about this dangerous new device? They're going to build one - and use it.

-- Suggested by Keith Johnson

December 22, 2000: Where the Action Is

Illuminated Site of the Week: Spotting a flying saucer is all about playing the odds. Does that mean you have to wait around in the desert, a slave to Area 51's weird magnetism? Not at all. The National UFO Reporting Center can tell you who's seen what, where they saw it and what it looked like. Gear your voyeurism to your tastes. Then again, if you like the desert, you can play the odds there, too: Las Vegas has had over 40 sightings of its own.

-- Suggested by Brett Slocum

December 15, 2000: Send Christmas Coconuts Early

Illuminated Site of the Week: And skis and teeth and bottled water. If you're not sure whether your more unusual gift choices will get there in time - or at all - check out HotAIR's Postal Experiments. Jeff Van Bueren has sent it all for you, and listed the surprisingly competent results.

-- Suggested by Josh Marquart

December 8, 2000: Are We Done or Not?

Illuminated Site of the Week: Am I Hot or Not? gets 7 million hits a day; me-toos could hardly be far behind. You can weigh in on its little brother Am I Hot?, look over the black sheep of the family at Am I Goth or Not?, or decide which father of our country you would like the best at Brunching Shuttlecocks' Am I President or Not?

Eh, you've probably got a better shot with one of your kissing cousins at the illuminated Monkey Hot or Not?

-- Suggested by Brandon

December 1, 2000: Far Out. No, Farther.

Illuminated Site of the Week: Silicon Graphics, Inc. recalls a little of the chaos of the 60s with lavarand, a groovy system for plucking random numbers out of lava lamps.

-- Suggested by Wayne West

November 24, 2000: Cold Turkey

Illuminated Site of the Week: Adbusters takes everything sitting down. The only use they see for shopping centers is mall walking; beyond that, they want consumers to think twice about their spending habits. Consumerism, they claim, is out of control, and a cornerstone of their non-financial empire is the annual post-Thanksgiving Buy Nothing Day, aimed at the busiest shopping day of the year.

-- Suggested by Clark D. Rodeffer

November 17, 2000: If Only We Had Known

Illuminated Site of the Week: The Nobody for President site would have come in handy this year. Consider it a cautionary tale you can use next election, assuming we finish this one.

-- Suggested by Curtis

November 10, 2000: They're Watching Me, and I Have the Receipt to Prove It

Illuminated Site of the Week: What do you do if you can't afford the designer fragrance? You buy generic, of course. Since aliens don't have time to abduct everyone, anyone looking for a close encounter with EBEs need go no further than Alien Abductions Incorporated. They'll work with you to instill the baffling and frightening fragments of memory, and for a modest upgrade they'll provide claustrophobic surveillance, alien abduction encounter groups, a lecture circuit...the sky's the limit, but now you're on the outside looking in.

-- Suggested by Timothy McDowell

November 3, 2000: IllSotW: Kind of Puts that Dental Appointment in Perspective

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you haven't started your Christmas shopping, here's depressing news: J.R. Mooneyham's essay, "An Illustrated Speculative Timeline of Technology and Social Change for the Next One Thousand Years," has our future history figured out to the tune of quadruple digits. He admits he's just guessing at some of this stuff, but considering NASA doesn't know where its next jar of Tang is coming from, you've got to admire the man's ambition.

-- Suggested by Joe Chaparro

October 27, 2000: And There, On the Door, Was a Hook

Illuminated Site of the Week: Or a choking Doberman. Or something.

Pick your urban legend. All your favorites (and a few you may not have heard) are here. Sex, drugs and Disney flicks rule at The San Fernando Valley Folklore Society's Urban Legends Reference Pages. Fun, queer, creepy, spooky, and they have your Hallowe'en horrors covered. Unlike other sites of its kind, it's even clean and easy to read. Don't believe it? Hey, that's how these things get started.

-- Suggested by Clangador

October 20, 2000: If You Don't Like the Way I Drive, Stay Off the Lawn

Illuminated Site of the Week: We'll raise a lesser species up to our level yet; we've already taught the insect kingdom road rage. The MyoElectric Locust - M.E.L. - is ready to take it to the streets. From there, can SUVs be far behind?

-- Suggested by Charles Collin

October 13, 2000: Enlightenment, Line 3

Illuminated Site of the Week: All the secrets of the universe have been laid bare. It just happens to sound a lot like a Crazy Drunk Guy. Most of it is about Jack Webb, but you probably figured that much out on your own.

-- Suggested by McRey B. Moyer

October 6, 2000: Stegosaur For Sale

Illuminated Site of the Week: A few weeks ago, I wrote about Henry Lim's Lego Stegosaurus sculpture. Well, he's put it on Ebay. As I write, the price is at $1,000, with no bids yet -- and he estimates shipping at $1,500 or so -- but still, when you consider what this would be worth as a museum exhibit . . .

I am already violently jealous of the eventual buyer.

September 29, 2000: The Ick Files

Illuminated Site of the Week: A little learning is a dangerous thing, but a lot of learning about Cthulhu and company is downright hysterical. The file cabinets are filled to overflowing with dossiers, gossip and green ooze at S-P-O-N-G-E. They'll only tell you what you need to know if you join, and by then it's too late.

-- Suggested by Mr. Hanzan

September 22, 2000: Discounts for Patrons Over 30

Illuminated Site of the Week: Applied Digital Solutions is watching your back -- and holding your hand. Their Digital Angel may soon be implanted in citizens everywhere, carrying all their vital information in a whole new kind of "palm" pilot. Imagine: Your health, your safety, your finances, all in the palm of your hand. And you in the palm of theirs...
-- Suggested by Robert Schulz

September 15, 2000: The Second Coming...and the Third...and the Fourth...

Illuminated Site of the Week: In this day and age of cloning, Judgment Day is tailor-made. Since Christ was so careless with his body and blood, The Second Coming Project is taking the DNA wherever they can find it and cranking out a savior. You can contribute - or find out more about the Biblical basis for these plans - at their site.

-- From multiple submissions

September 8, 2000: Dignity for Sale, Going Cheap

Illuminated Site of the Week: On-line auctions are all the rage, and disturbingauctions has all the outrage. No reasonable offer is refused for some of the travesties listed on this site, mostly because any offer is generous indeed.

-- Suggested by Rev. Karl Musser

August 18, 2000: Silent, Deadly, Delicious

Illuminated Site of the Week: You've gotta respect people that will kill or die to get your order to you. Ninja Burger, the on-line restaurant, guarantees on-time delivery. You know what you want, but they know where you live.

-- Suggested by Andy Fix

Friday August 11, 2000: Nyah-Nyah, Can't Abduct Me!

Illuminated Site of the Week: A cosmic game of one-upmanship is raging between humans and aliens, but who's zeroing in on whom? The aliens know where to find their abductees, so Stop Alien Abductions tells you how to build a thought-screen helmet to block their telepathic control. How do the aliens fight back? They steal our helmets.

-- Suggested by Charles Oines

Friday August 4, 2000: The Secret Toy Surprise Inside

Illuminated Site of the Week: Hold on, Charlie Brown, don't throw that rock out just yet. Crack that bad boy may have one of those genuine Out of Place Artifacts. People find the oddest things set in stone. Is this the work of time travelers? Phasing technology? Or perhaps some practical joker just thinks rocks are too dull.

-- Suggested by Rus Hall

Friday July 28, 2000: Hot Tracks from the Cold War

Illuminated Site of the Week: And the hits just keep on coming! Unexplained tones, strange voices and enigmatic messages flood "numbers stations," radio signals anyone with a shortwave can pick up. Once they were the purview of spies and moles. So why, now that the Cold War is frozen solid, do these rogue transmissions continue unregulated? The Conet Project is only the tip of the iceberg; sister site The Numbers Game has the audio evidence.

-- Suggested by Ted Skirvin

Friday July 21, 2000: "Dinner, Will Robinson!"

Illuminated Site of the Week: They've built a robot that eats meat.


-- Suggested by Owen Kerr

Friday July 14, 2000: Just What's in Those Scooby Snacks?

Illuminated Site of the Week: Scooby-Doo's quarry turns out to be yet another mundane con artist...or is it a double-blind? Is it harmless but hokey animation, or is our favorite Great Dane an occult demagogue?

-- Suggested by Bill Hamilton

Friday July 7, 2000: ...Does Whatever a Goat Can?

Illuminated Site of the Week: Cool though it would be to see New York City protected by a web-slinging goat, Nexia Biotechnologies didn't have crime prevention in mind when they stuck spider genes in a pair of goats. The goats, so the story goes, will now produce web silk in their milk for ballistic and medicinal purposes.

Click here for the ABC article.

-- Suggested by John Macek

Friday June 30, 2000: The Best Site Since Sliced Bread

Illuminated Site of the Week: Sanitize your egg or the bird that laid it. Drink from your hairbrush or preserve your dead aunt. If modern technology doesn't meet your needs, don't get bent out of shape (the nose shaper will fix that up), go retro and try one of the...unique...inventions for which people have gotten patents. Patent attorney Michael J. Colitz, Jr. trots out some of the strangest innovations on the Wacky Patent of the Month site. He deserves a pat on the back...and the site has a device for that, too.

-- Andy

Friday June 23, 2000: The Toughest S.O.B. in the Valley

Illuminated Site of the Week: Beware, for the Nephilim still walk the Earth. The Bible says they're giant fallen angels, and if The Nephilim Resistance Task Force has its way, they're going to fall again - hard. If the prayer doesn't get you, the HK-91 will.

-- Suggested by Larry Hassenpflug

Friday June 16, 2000: You've Stayed Your Hour

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you hate out-of-town guests, Instructions for Meeting Time Travellers is probably just a recipe for disaster. For anyone fascinated by the possibility of being called upon by citizens of some future society, it's an open invitation to time travelers to come say "Howdy." Fish and visitors stink after three days, but these folks can leave before they arrive.

-- Suggested by Joe Kisenwether

Friday June 9, 2000: First Bank of Zuul

Illuminated Site of the Week: Early withdrawal? Don't even think about it.

It may not be non-Euclidean geometry - it may not even be a bank - but whatever brisk business they do here, you don't want any part of it. These images from author and journalist James Lileks' yearly trip to New York City have caught...well, angels in the architecture aren't usually that creepy.

-- Suggested by Stefan Jones

Friday June 2, 2000: One Jerk on One End of the Line...

Illuminated Site of the Week: If fishing is dull, it's not your's your quarry. Spice up outdoor recreation by going after a target with a sporting chance. Squirrel fishing pits you against - what else? - the wily squirrel. There may come a day when this becomes an organized sport, and it looks like Austin squirrels are leading the pack against Harvard University.

-- Suggested by Art Fish

Friday May 26, 2000: "You now face -- the Cobalt Hillbilly!"

Illuminated Site of the Week: Or something disturbingly like it, but don't worry, the Happy Flower Chimp will end his reign of terror. Lee's (Useless) Super-Hero Generator provides the world with an endless supply of super- beings on both sides of the law. A few choices randomly determine your weapons, powers and equipment. Make single supers or whole teams. The only question: is it the heroes or the generator that's useless? The Cobalt Hillbilly certainly strikes fear in our hearts ...

-- Suggested by Dave Walsh

Friday May 19, 2000: Meating of the Minds

Illuminated Site of the Week: Science marches on, right into the neighbor's yard where the stinkymeat team has left their science project: a plate of raw meat. Like a traffic accident from which you cannot turn away, the stinkymeat scientists provide a day-by-day account of the slow disintegration of the meat and their gag reflexes. Scarier than the Blair Witch Project, with pictures not for the faint of heart.

-- Suggested by Pete Knight

Friday May 12, 2000: How to Succeed in Business

Illuminated Site of the Week: Heavy security is the price of doing business these days. Joining ICC Commercial Crime Services offers a number of perks and allays a multitude of fears. Training, counterfeit detection and cyber-protection are just a few of the many tools it uses to smooth your road to riches.

And for a really uneasy night's sleep, check out its weekly piracy report before going boating.

-- Suggested by John Macek

Friday May 5, 2000: Five Minutes, Mr. Noone

Illuminated Site of the Week: Today's the day, so if you're reading this while sitting hip-deep in water, you know Richard W. Noone knew what he was talking about in his famous book 5/5/2000 - Ice: The Ultimate Disaster. Since the mid-80s, Noone has been warning us of the planetary alignment that will destroy the polar ice caps. You've had 14 years worth of heads-up, and it's time to pay the piper.

-- Andy

Friday April 28, 2000: Shakespeare Done Right

Illuminated Site of the Week: Infinite monkeys never shine so bright as when they're hard at work on a good sonnet. SIMI - the Search for Intelligent Monkeys on the Internet - is underway, setting infinite (well, 100) simian Shakespeares to write at random with every click of your mouse. If you get something worthwhile, let the webmasters know.

-- Suggested by Michael Dinsmore

Friday April 21, 2000: And Here John Steinbeck Thought He'd Get Away With It

Illuminated Site of the Week: The Alcatraz breakout. The Kennedys. Mobsters. God bless the Freedom of Information Act of 1966, because the FBI is spilling its electronic guts. After 35 years of requests they've created a FAQ, a "reading room " full of their most popular tidbits. Be careful what you ask for -- the FOIA just might get it for you.

-- Suggested by Chris Goodwin

Friday April 14, 2000: It Was Fun While It Lasted

Illuminated Site of the Week: All good things must come to an end. But hey, we'll still see each other, right?

-- Suggested by Robert Schulz

Friday April 7, 2000: What a Piece of Work is Man

Illuminated Site of the Week: But an upgrade wouldn't kill you. DARPA is taking proposals for Exoskeletons for Human Performance Augmentation. The Department of Defense wants soldiers to run faster, jump higher and work longer, and if you know anything about haptic interfaces, your Uncle Sam needs you.

-- Suggested by Kyle Bieneman

Friday March 31, 2000: A Site For Unlawful Cyborg Killbots

Illuminated Site of the Week: The surreptitious overthrow of mankind by cyborg duplicates is further advanced than we suspected. The AIEEE engine at Brunching Shuttlecocks will help you determine who the robots among us are. Another illuminated triumph -- we think the Synthetic Technician Engineered for Violence and Exploration will be pleased.

-- Suggested by Ciaran Conliffe

Friday March 24, 2000: The Prince Albert Gag will be Missed

Illuminated Site of the Week: Will Hertes seems to have a lot of time on his hands, time he fills up by writing twisted prank letters to corporations and notable individuals across America. Then he takes their unsuspecting responses and kills some more time posting them on the Internet for amusement. His or ours? Who can say?

-- Suggested by John Haire

Friday March 17, 2000: Anti-Christ Antivirus

Illuminated Site of the Week: Christianity Meme maintains the religion is a mental disease, spread by proselytization. Is there a cure? Find out before you become a heavenly host.

-- Suggested by Don Baker

Friday March 10, 2000: International Cuisine

Illuminated Site of the Week: Step aside, Jimmy Carter. Doing its part for global understanding is the I Can Eat Glass Project. They're dedicated to collecting the phrase "I can eat glass, it doesn't hurt me" in as many languages as possible.

-- Suggested by Scott Nickell

Friday March 3, 2000: Pleasant Dreams

Illuminated Site of the Week: This is just wrong.

-- Suggested by Joe Littrell

Friday February 25, 2000: Bill's Buying...for the Next 221,917.81 Centuries

Illuminated Site of the Week: Hard to wrap your head around, isn't it? The Bill Gates Net Worth Page puts the billionaire's finances in perspective in a variety of amusing and sometimes frightening ways. How much can he spend a second? How much Evander Holyfield can he eat? And what is he worth right now?

-- Suggested by Ross Jepson

Friday February 18, 2000: Man in Yellow Hat Denies Involvement

Illuminated Site of the Week: Too much attention from grade-schoolers will get to anyone, and when it does, they'll snap. Witness the fate of poor Furious George, a shell of his former self. Help George navigate the country, robbing banks, hot wiring cars and shooting for the high score as you go.

-- Suggested by Drew Johnson

Friday February 11, 2000: Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me

Illuminated Site of the Week: Remember when they switched calendars and the peasants revolted, demanding to get back their "lost days"? You do? Just how old are you?

If the rest of us want to be part of history, we can sign the petition to end daylight-saving time. Wake up, people. DST kills, and the life you save may be your own.

-- Andy

Friday February 4, 2000: It'll All End in Tears

Illuminated Site of the Week: Been a long day? All hope is gone? Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy some cool merchandise about your alternatives from the pessimistic purveyors at Despair, Inc.

-- Suggested by Robert J. MacDonald

Friday January 28, 2000: Conservation of Conspiracy

Illuminated Site of the Week: When they're all out to get you, your day can fill up fast: changing buses, dodging metal detectors, renting P.O. boxes. Now, for the theorist on the go, intricate plots - all of them - come in this quick, easy-to-digest article from Brunching Shuttlecocks.

-- From multiple submissions

Friday January 14, 2000: It's Very, Very Black

Illuminated Site of the Week: Check out . . . but don't tell them where you found out about it.

Friday January 7, 2000: Curses, Foiled Again, Eh?

Illuminated Site of the Week: You wouldn't think from looking at all those benign, smiling faces that Canada could field a cutthroat group of spies, and you'd be right. According to All Things Considered, they've been lax of late, letting little things get in the way of the finer points of international espionage.

-- Suggested by John Dunn

Friday December 31, 1999: Give in to Our Marketing, Young Skywalker

Illuminated Site of the Week: You no longer have to accept the lesser of two evils. When one empire clashes with another, it just makes good economic sense to merge the two, and Microsith is your best - some might say only - choice for world domination.

-- Suggested by Joe Hacker

Friday December 24, 1999: Fill in the Blank Has It in for Me

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you're not sure how all the illuminated pieces fit together...well, that's how it's supposed to be. But if your curiosity gets the better of you, enter the pawn in question into the conspire database and they'll put it in context for you. Just remember, it's as much as your life is worth.

-- Suggested by Timothy Long

Friday December 17, 1999: Paranoia is Always in Season

Illuminated Site of the Week: Huey Freeman, star of The Boondocks, is dreaming of a black ops Christmas. Watch as he slowly puts together the pieces of Santa's conspiracy, starting with the December 6th installment in the Washington Post.

-- Suggested by multiple submitters

Friday December 10, 1999: It's Not Nice to Spam the Secret Masters

Illuminated Site of the Week: We have all of us at one time or another wished all manner of misery on spammers. Leave it to the Grand Overseers to take the cruelest route: public humiliation. The MMF Hall of Humiliation picks apart spam and ridicules the authors mercilessly. They even keep score, the fiends.

-- Suggested by J. Adams

Friday December 3, 1999: ZenMOO

Illuminated Site of the Week: Every so often, someone on the Pyramid MOO complains of all the idling, and accuses us of being a Zen MOO. Well, maybe, but we don't hold a candle to the real Zen MOO. Zen MOO is one of the oldest MOOs online (it officially opened Feb. 14, 1993), and is still going strong. It's obviously an Illuminated sort of place, too. The goal is not to talk or explore, but simply to meditate. Where else can you be rewarded for idling?

You can use your favorite MUD client to login to Zen MOO at 7777.

-- Kira

Friday November 26, 1999: Location, Location, Location

Illuminated Site of the Week: The moon is for sale - parts of it, anyway. The same holds true for Mars, Venus and some other less fashionable properties. How? Loopholes, just like here on Earth. The UN blew it, and now you can clean up. The Lunar Embassy tells you how to do it right. All the procedures and legalese are spelled out for you; stake your claim now.

-- Suggested by Mark A. Schmidt

Friday November 19, 1999: Ed Sullivan Would Have Loved It

Illuminated Site of the Week: Remember robofly, the microbot being developed at Berkeley? Cornell University reports that the next logical step has already been taken: they have a microguitar the size of a red blood cell. Now if we can engineer tiny beetles for those axes...

-- Suggested by Adam vanLangenberg

Friday November 12, 1999: An Ounce of Vacation, a Compound to be Sure

Illuminated Site of the Week: We all know the Y2K bug is only end-of-the-millenium jitters, but just in case...

Y2k Paradise guarantees you, your friends and your family carefree living for the first three months of the year 2000. Scenic New Zealand, site of the inaugural sunrise of the new millenium, offers all the amenities and none of the hassles of vying for the last container of water at the supermarket. And how much does security cost? Let's talk.

-- Suggested by Micah Jackson

Friday October 29, 1999: Here It Comes to Save the Day!

Illuminated Site of the Week: How are we supposed to build a better mousetrap when science keeps making better mice? Recent experiments by scientists are making smarter rodents than ever before, as this news story will attest. Eventually, they may design animals that are too smart to let us experiment on them.

-- Suggested by Glenn Crawford

Friday October 22, 1999: Traffic is Hell Around the Holidays

Illuminated Site of the Week: The next time a friend complains about driving you to the airport, remind them how the Greys must feel. They have almost a dozen bases on Earth and that many more on Mars and the Moon. Alien Bases on Earth saves Rand McNally the trouble of translating Andromedan maps by letting us know where the bases are, what they do and how many slaves the aliens can count on for a ride.

-- Suggested by Scott D. Raun

Friday October 15, 1999: This Time, Australia Will Be Ready for It

Illuminated Site of the Week: No more getting smacked over the head by unexpected space debris. J-Track checks to see what's in orbit and where it is. A good way to know when the sky is falling. If there's an Internet left at New Year's, this will be one busy site.

-- Suggested by Rob Knight

Friday October 8, 1999: Another Man's Moccasins

Illuminated Site of the Week: They used to say the most interesting trip you can take is inside your own mind. That's no longer strictly true. Here's a new kind of vacation: JM Incorporated has exclusive access to a portal allowing them to place your consciousness into another man's -- or woman's -- body. See what they see, hear what they hear. But like any vacation, you should make your reservations today. Hosts are subject to availability, and it's first come, first served.

-- Andy

Friday October 1, 1999: You Can't Handle the Tooth!

Illuminated Site of the Week: The days of the Red Scare are over, so anyone who wants to claim there's something suspicious in our water is going to have to put their money where our mouths are. John N. Maguire III does that in his essay, Fluoride's Effect on Your Brain. Maguire examines in depth the uses, the myths and what the fluoridators are really trying to do.

-- Suggested by Bud Kourik

Friday September 24, 1999: There Are More Things on the Internet, Horatio

Illuminated Site of the Week: Sharks can't get skin cancer, but they can help us fight disease. Flies will sleep upside down so soundly you can vacuum them up, and we still don't know how they fly. Spheres of stone, balls of dark matter, economics, religion and statistics. Is all of t his weird but true or just truly weird? Find out for yourself.

-- Suggested by J.T. Benton

Friday September 17, 1999: Batteries Not Included

Illuminated Site of the Week: It's all here: electronics, lasers, bionics, time travel and pyrotechnics. There's no branch of science Future Horizons won't explore, expand or exploit. Order a working model or get the plans and build your own. Whether you intend to enter the next millenium with a bang, a hum or a high-pitched whine, they're on all the cutting edges.

-- Suggested by Chaad

Friday September 10, 1999: The Toxicology Report Is Pending

Illuminated Site of the Week: What do you do when your Furby dies? Perform an autopsy, of course. The Furby Autopsy takes you step by step through a dissection of the popular animated plush toy, and includes several photos of the grim process.

-- Suggested by Stefan Jones

Friday September 3, 1999: Back to Basics

Illuminated Site of the Week: Nothing like the tried and true to stoke the fires of paranoia. The Universal Conspiracy Against Everything neatly outlines the deceitful depths to which the Secret Masters' plot descends. The links alone will keep your browser humming for hours.

-- Suggested by Bob Schroeck

Friday August 27, 1999: He Snips, He Scores!

Illuminated Site of the Week: You've played it on playgrounds, you've played it to decide on movies, restaurants and video rentals. Now here's your chance to prove you've really got what it takes: go pro! The World Rock Paper Scissors League wants you. Play anywhere, watch your ranking go up, learn new battlecries. And don't forget to brush up on your skills and etiquette with the Official Rock Paper Scissors Strategy Guide, complete with computer opponent.

-- Suggested by Chris Murphy and David Edelstein

Friday August 20, 1999: Live from Downtown Dallas: Dealey Plaza Cam

Illuminated Site of the Week: The Sixth Floor Museum, located in the former Texas School Book Depository in Dallas, Texas, has sealed off Lee Harvey Oswald's sniper's perch behind a wall of glass. You can still see the view and draw your own conclusions about the assassination through the Dealey Plaza Cam, a live view from behind the partition. The museum itself is available for tours, research and private functions.

-- Suggested by Craig Schulthess

Friday August 20, 1999: Hampsterdance

Illuminated Site of the Week: They're hampsters, and they do dance.

-- Suggested by Jayson Howell and Rob Knight

Friday August 13, 1999: "They Say Money Talks...

Illuminated Site of the Week: "...all mine ever says is goodbye." Well, Red Skelton didn't have Where's George?, a site that tracks your currency as it wanders across the United States. Now your cash writes home. Sign up, and 17,000 fellow money monitors will let you know if and when they've spotted one of your bills. Find out where they go and how fast they get there.

-- Suggested by Nathan Kottke

Friday August 6, 1999: People Are Dying to Get On-Line

Illuminated Site of the Week: Do you know where Mata Hari is buried? How about Yuri Gagarin's cause of death? And what's inscribed on H.P. Lovecraft's headstone? Find A Grave will tell you. Whether you're into grave rubbings or grave robbing, a fan of history or Harry Keogh, Find A Grave is a fascinating tour of the resting places of the famous and infamous worldwide.

The site is plenty searchable, and most entries have graphics of the markers and memorials.

-- Suggested by Robert Schulz

Friday July 30, 1999: The Wave of the Future

Illuminated Site of the Week: Attention, would-be time travelers: Steven L. Gibbs is offering time machines at cut-rate prices. $360 puts you in the driver's seat of a Hyper-Dimensional Resonator, allowing you to mentally travel through time. (You can use it for physical travel only in areas where UFOs have been spotted.)

If the price is a little steep, you can score a number of books from the order form that will let you build your own time machines, time portals and Tesla-coil conversions. You can even learn the secrets of the Philadelphia Experiment, no naval destroyer required.

-- Suggested by Reid Simmons

Friday July 23, 1999: The, Reptile Days of August

Illuminated Site of the Week: The royal family's ills are just beginning, it seems, and the results will drag us all down with them. According to Arizona Wilder, former human sacrificer, it's all prelude to August 11-13, when we will see the gates of hell opened at Giza. On the Day of Hecate, negative energy will infuse the world's ley lines, our collective third eyes will be closed, and...well, read about it for yourself at David Icke's site.

Although the news is bleak (and only gets worse six months from now), Icke says we can fight back, and to stop it all you need is love.

-- Suggested by Eduardo Cavazos

Friday July 16, 1999: When "Mostly Harmless" Just Won't Do

Illuminated Site of the Week: This ambitious site is trying to make Douglas Adams' Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy a reality. There are limits, of course - book-sized computers that can hold it all don't exist yet, and most of the entries will be pretty Earthcentric - but we do have towels, and you can even take part in the Guide's development. They take submissions for any subject, large or small, you care to pontificate on.

-- Suggested by Denis Sarrazin

Friday July 9, 1999: The miracles of modern technology.

Illuminated Site of the Week: Whatever your involvement with computers, we all rely on the same tool when working with this temperamental medium: prayer. If you've ever lost a file, the Daioh Temple of Daioh Mountain can sympathize. As technology increases and information of all kinds becomes ever more digital, they have decided to hold an annual Buddhist prayer for lost information.

The site also offers insights into Buddhist philosophy and is available in Japanese.

-- Suggested by Jeff Wilson

Friday July 2, 1999: Fear of public speaking has paralysed the economy of Ghana.

Illuminated Site of the Week: That's a joke, of course. Actually, it's a bald-faced lie, one of many to be ferreted out and collected in Dave's Web of Lies. The Internet is full of hoaxes and scams, and this site tries to nail them all. They make every effort to ensure not one word they post has a shred of truth to it, but everyone makes mistakes, so feel free to submit your own fables, falsehoods and prevarications.

-- Suggested by Mark Bassett

Friday June 25, 1999: If you can't baffle them with brilliance...

Illuminated Site of the Week: ...befuddle them with the Postmodernism Generator. Andrew C. Bulhak's program uses the Dada Engine to randomly create an essay so confusing and oblique, even the most posturing professor will assume you're a genius.

-- Suggested by Patrick Anders and Phil Anderson

Friday June 18, 1999: Reply fnordy, ask again later

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you've ever wondered how the Illuminated Site of the Week is selected, shake up Erik Dewey's site and gaze through the smoky bottom. Our methods are similar, though not quite as scientific.

-- Suggested by Bud Kourik

Friday June 11, 1999: Phasers on fund-raising, Mr. Spock

Illuminated Site of the Week: American Inventor Eric Herr may have found his backer for an honest-to-goodness phaser in Britain's Ministry of Defense. The ministry wants to issue it to police and peacekeeping forces. The freeze ray, as they are calling it, would incapacitate criminals and rioters at 100 meters without injury by paralyzing the voluntary muscles. It's expected to cost $500,000 to make his patent prototype a reality. Any takers?

-- Suggested by Kira

Friday June 4, 1999: Illumismurfed Site of the Smurf

Illuminated Site of the Week: Their little blue faces have haunted your dreams since you were a tyke. The wounds may have faded, but the scars are all over your browser when you plug a URL into The Incredible Smurfalizer. The diabolical Smurfalizer alters that page so it mimicks the Smurfs' infuriating speech patterns.

Obviously a Gnomish plot. Fnsmurf.

-- Suggested by Anders Gabrielsson

(And see the Rinkworks site for several more of these filters.)

Friday May 28, 1999: Star Wars in ASCII-mation

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you're tired of standing in line for The Phantom Menace, why not stay home and enjoy the original? There's nothing like a classic, especially when it's rendered in stunning ASCII-Mation! Requires Java 1.1 (hint for Mac 8.0+ users: use the Apple Applet runner).

-- Suggested by Anthony Salter

Friday May 21, 1999:

Sounds great! You first.

Illuminated Site of the Week: The Voluntary Human Extinction Movement has the no-muss, no-fuss answer to the problem of Earth's burgeoning population: stop.

They contend people are the biggest problem on the planet, and the only sane and humane way to save it from us is to remove ourselves by simply letting the species die out.

Possible? Sure. Feasible? Seems so. Likely? Depends how long you want to wait in line at Disneyland.

-- Suggested by Reid Simmons

Saturday May 15, 1999: The Conpass x1280

Illuminated Site of the Week: Remember the scanner that pinpointed Arnold Schwarzeneggar's pistol in "Total Recall"? We're one step closer to colonizing Mars, thanks to and its Conpass x1280. It will X-ray fully clothed people in 10 seconds, and with less radiation than they receive on an hour-long plane flight. can also plant a package scanner on your floor or desktop, and it has plenty of other scary devices like chemical sniffers and bomb blankets. The future's so bright, you gotta wear lead.

-- Suggested by Myles

Friday May 7, 1999: "Would you like to play a game?"

Illuminated Site of the Week: Click and cover! It's not a question of whether or not to run for the hills when the Big Flash arrives, but of how far to go. The Nuclear Blast Mapper lets you enter a location and bomb size, then shows you how far the blast radius will reach. Is that old coal mine far enough away from ground zero? Wonder no longer. Other educational tidbits include tips for teachers, historical footage of bomb blasts and a panic quiz.

Suggested by Dan Simpson

Friday April 30, 1999: "Wait your turn, please, Ms. Dion."

Illuminated Site of the Week: It already has the Cruel Site of the Day award; now Scott's Page of Evil is our Illuminated Site of the Week.

Scott Glazer offers up his views on a variety of wellsprings for evil - Andie MacDowell, the Spin Doctors, France - in a sly and backhandedly illuminated way. He's also side-splittingly funny, a rarity on the Internet these days, especially for someone on the front lines of the Eternal Struggle.

Diabolically summoned by Max Minkoff

Friday April 23, 1999: "Deep Ones? Let's get out of here, Scoob!"

Illuminated Site of the Week: Jinkies! It's a steel-cage deathmatch between the Cthulhu mythos and Scooby-Doo and the gang! Cthulhu, Where Are You? transplants the familiar faces of the Hanna-Barbera canine detective and his buds into Chaosium's Mythos collectible card game.

I know who my money's on; the maddening cry of "Tekeli-li!" isn't so fearsome when it's revealed to be Mr. McPheeny, the greedy farmhand. Fred, Shaggy and Velma are on the case, armed with Scooby-Snacks and the trusty Mystery Machine...Herbert West has met his campy match. Zoinks!

Site suggested by Janice Sellers.

Knowledge is Power

Illuminated Site of the Week:

And weird knowledge is weird power. The "Cool Fact of the Day" mailing list has almost 100,000 subscribers. It's just what the name implies: every day you get an e-mail with a Cool Fact. The nature and degree of coolness of your facts may vary, but it's always literate and generally pretty neat. If that sounds like your cup of tea, visit The Learning Kingdom web page to sign up. They also have lists for "Cool Word of the Day" and "Today in History."

Saturday March 27, 1999: Lies, Damn Lies and Alien Statistics

Illuminated Site of the Week: The Statistics of Space Aliens page must be a ploy of the UFOs to convince us they don't exist. The author gives a statistical argument that we are currently alone in the visible universe. His Bayesian analysis seems to indicate that we have about a billion years before the next intelligent civilization appears in this galaxy.

But what if you've seen them?

Submitted by John Guin

Friday March 19, 1999: Holy Chao, Batman!

Illuminated Site of the Week: The Sacred Chao Ranch is a typical Erisian page, full of fnord to stimulate your pineal gland. I especially like the banner ad for the Orbital Mind Control Lasers and Operation Mindfuck.

Go to the Apple Orchard and talk with other Illuminated beings.

Suggested by Hieronymus Jacobin

Friday March 12, 1999: Charles (Fort) in Charge

Illuminated Site of the Week: The Fortean Times, the Journal of Strange Phenomena, has a nicely designed web site. This month's issue has an article on the conspiracy to conceal the location of Noah's Ark, and a profile of the Professor of Transcendental Magic, Eliphas Levi. They've archived articles as well: Did NASA Fake the Apollo Shots?, Bat-Winged Sex Dwarf, Is Santa Really Satan? and more. Lots to love here.

- Brett Slocum

Friday March 5, 1999: Martha Stewart is a Goth!

Illuminated Site of the Week: The Gothic Martha Stewart site is a humorous take on the ultimate stylemaker of TV fame. It is filled with recipes (try Faux Absinthe), projects (how about Decorative Black Bedsheets), Home Decor Motifs (Cemetary Gothic, anyone?), wedding suggestions (Gothic Weddings on a Budget), and more.

It's a Goth Thing!

- Brett Slocum

Friday February 26, 1999: The Power of the Mind

Illuminated Site of the Week: The Institute of Noetic Sciences, founded by Apollo 14 astronaut Edgar Mitchell, delves into the power of the human mind and consciousness. They fund research into extraordinary healing, subtle energies and states of consciousness through grants, as well as conferences and publications.

From their web site:

"We are a nonprofit membership organization that both conducts and sponsors research into the workings and powers of the mind, including perceptions, beliefs, attention, intention, and intuition. We are bold enough to inquire about phenomena that don't fit into the conventional scientific model."

- Brett Slocum

Friday February 19, 1999: Code to the Universe Broken - Details at 11

Illuminated Site of the Week: Research by "The Code Gang", experts in Archaeocryptography, has revealed the Grand Design of Creation. "The Code of the Ancients" site details their Code System, which ties such places of Mystery as Stonehenge and the Pyramids to the Bible and the Mayan calendar system.

Also, look at the host for this site, Dreams of the Great Earth Changes, which hosts a plethora of other sites and links for such topics as Mythology, Dream Prophecies, The Millennium, UFOs, Conspiracies, Crop Circles, Gardening, and Metaphysics.

Submitted by Jim Taylor

Friday February 12, 1999: Where's an Evil Scientist When You Need One?

Illuminated Site of the Week: Dr. Vulture's Laboratory of Evil Science, one of the Operation Centers of Vulture Industries (their motto: Making Nightmares a Reality is Our Business), has a lovely selection of items, such as Evil Science University, the Evil Survival Guide, the Evil Science Hall of Fame (including Thomas Edison), and Stuff That Keeps Even Evil Scientists Up At Night.

Make sure to check out The Evil Scientist Manifesto.

Submitted by James Schafer

Friday January 29, 1999: Mister Rogers' Neighborhood Watch

Illuminated Site of the Week: "But he looked so harmless . . ."

Yet another take on the Kennedy assassination. Suddenly everything is so clear! Oh, the tragedy.

Submitted by Randy Porter

Friday January 22, 1999: Waiting to be Abducted?

Illuminated Site of the Week: Are you pining away at home, waiting to be abducted by aliens? Have all your friends been abducted, but you haven't? Just curious about what all this abduction talk is about? Simply bored? Well, the professionals at Alien Abductions, Inc. have the answer for you!

Their trained professional staff will provide you with the memories of an alien abduction so real, you won't be able to tell the difference from your other memories. Problem solved.

So now you too can have fascinating stories to tell at parties, on dates, and to your psychiatrist.

Submitted by Nicholas Jost

Friday January 15, 1999: Secret Messages in Silicon

Illuminated Site of the Week: The Silicon Zoo displays numerous photomicrographs (i.e. microscopic pictures and messages) etched into the chips of your favorite microprocessors. Buffalo, crossword puzzles, license plates, con men, Daffy Duck, Mickey Mouse, Dilbert, Dogbert, Anubis, and the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man are among the images found.

If these are the images they revealed, imagine what was kept hidden by the Secret Masters. It's better than microfilm.

Submitted by David Streeter

Friday January 8, 1999: Anti-Gravity, Anyone?

Illuminated Site of the Week: The folks down at The Enterprise Mission have assembled a wealth of material about those pesky, hidden scientific investigations, like anti-gravity, faces and skyscrapers on Mars, ELF signals, the SETI program, and hyperdimensional physics.

One particularly Illuminated article is "Kennedy's Grand NASA Plan", which wonders about the mysterious connection between the Pyramids, sacred geometries, the constellation of Orion, and the Apollo Moon landings. Find out about the reason behind a mysterious rite performed on the Moon in Tranquility Base. And why did NASA change the Apollo Program logo after the ill-fated Apollo 13 mission?

-- Submitted by Leroy Van Camp III

Friday December 25, 1998: Omigod! They Killed The Letter Carrier!

Illuminated Site of the Week: Those bastards down at the Disgruntled Postal Workers Zone have a situation on their hands. Just look at the photo on the front page. This site has true news stories of postal mayhem, Disgruntled? buttons, cartoons, and postal fiction.

Some people have time to kill on their hands.

- Submitted by Michel Bélanger

Friday December 18, 1998: 1997 Brewpub Tour of the Confederate States

Illuminated Site of the Week: The folks at the Interdimensional Travel Agency, publishers of Alternate History Travel Guides, have put together The 1st Interdimensional Beer Tour along with their other extremely useful guides to alternate timelines. Also at this site are ITA Travelogues, Timeline Travel on $25 a Night, Newswires from Alternate Worlds, plus numerous excellent suggestions for places to stay, eat and drink in the multiverse. Read up on the Governor's Mansion in Australia, the 56th State. Visit the burned out shell of the Winter Palace in 1996 Tsarist Russia. Travel with confidence with the ITA's superb advice.

Make your reservations today!

-- Suggested by Mark Ridley

Friday December 11, 1998: Our Lady of Perpetual Deception

Illuminated Site of the Week: The Sacred Disorder of the Enigmata (a faithless, enigmatic alternative to modern day religious conformity) has finally revealed the teachings of the long-forgotten Saint Eural, patroness of charlatans, fakes, quacks and cosmetic surgeons. Here you can find such things as the Apocryphal Psalm of Eural, Meet the Saints, The Enigmatist's Prayer, Confess Your Conformities, and Who Needs Faith When You Can Have a Coupon?

Become a member of the Disorder.

Suggested by Father Ratbite

Friday December 4, 1998: The Disinformation Age

Illuminated Site of the Week: The folks at Disinformation have created an searchable index of alternative news sources for the purpose of bypassing the corporate media sources. Current topics include: Jack Chick (those Christian tract comics you find everywhere), Space Migration, Neo-Fascist youth cults, and Bar Codes. Each topic has an excellent collection of rated web sites associated with it. Just clicking through the Chick Christian Comix parodies alone was well-worth the time.

Submitted by Glenn Crawford

Friday November 20, 1998: Scully! I Need You!

Illuminated Site of the Week: The folks at Alien Ice Picktures have produced new episodes of our favorite FBI agents, Fox Mulder and Dana Scully, complete with X-Files Action Figures of our intrepid heroes and Guest Monster Action Figures.

See Dana do an Alien Autopsy! Watch Mulder drop his cel-phone! Cheer as they kick alien butt!

Submitted by Scott Haring

Friday November 13, 1998: On a Lighter Note: Sluggy Freelance

Illuminated Site of the Week: Sluggy Freelance is a daily net.comic, including such things as Satan and an Archangel in a Quake death match; Bun-bun, the evil, talking mini-lop rabbit; and rather more dimensional travel than is healthy for Our Heroes..

To start at the beginning, go to the Sluggy Viewer's Guide.

- Submitted by Dan Sugalski

Friday November 6, 1998: The Shadow Government is Here!

Illuminated Site of the Week: The Shadow Government site is clearly run by the Illuminati, except for the fact that the Illuminati would never be so public with their plans. Unless, of course, they really want us to believe that this organization is merely posing as the Illuminati. I can't tell.

The first two days of their "First 100 Days" plan certainly opens your eyes to their view of reality.

- Brett Slocum

Friday October 30, 1998: Guided Missile Tour

Illuminated Site of the Week: Kevin Kelm's Site, "The Dark Prince of HTML", features two interesting photo tours, one of a decommissioned Titan I missile complex somewhere in the Midwest, and the other of the Catacombs of Paris. It also contains "My Plans for World Domination", the Church of the Quivering Otter, Phrenology, "How to Serve Ewoks" and more. Amusing and worth a click or ten.

- Brett Slocum

Friday October 23, 1998: Bring Back The Bell

Illuminated Site of the Week: Last week, he quit the talk radio business. Now, rumors are floating around that he might be back on the air as soon as October 30th for his annual ghost show.

I'm talking about Art Bell, the king of High Weirdness by radio, broadcasting two shows (Coast to Coast on weeknights from 10pm to 3am PDT and Dreamlands on Sunday night from 6pm to 9pm PDT) from his remote home studio in the Southwest. His show covers conspiracies, UFOs, Ultra-Tech, time travel, Atlanteans, cattle mutilations, black helicopters, and more.

This site has the schedule for the show, an art gallery, feature articles, a local station search function, and tons of links to relevant web sites. The truth is way out there.

- Brett Slocum

Friday October 16, 1998: UFOs, Stock Crashes, and Zionists, Oh My!

Illuminated Site of the Week: The folks at the Harvest Trust have a whole lot on their plate. They track events in a variety of conspiracy stories, including Majesty 12, Mossad involvement in the OKC bombing, the Intelligence Community, the Global Surveillance System, Waco, and more. Lots of bold, all-caps, and exclamation points.

-- Submitted by Patrick Anders

Friday October 9, 1998: Protect Your Brain!

Illuminated Site of the Week: When working for the Illuminati, you can't always afford expensive, high-tech protection from Orbital Mind Control Lasers, psychic mind-reading, and other forms of intrusive mind control. Enter the Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie home page. This site provides all the information needed to protect your brain.

-- Submitted by Lyle Zapato

Friday October 2, 1998: Cthulhu! Cthulhu! Ra! Ra! Ra!

Illuminated Site of the Week: Miskatonic University has quite the reputation. Nestled in the town of Arkham, Massachusetts, it offers the what no other school can offer . . . tentacled visitors in the night and human sacrifice.

This site has staff lists, admissions forms, course offerings, etc. Everything you need to decide whether Miskatonic is for you.

-- Submitted by Richard Grinnell

Friday September 18, 1998: 10 Shares of the Anti-Christ, Please

Illuminated Site of the Week: The folks at Rapture Ready are waiting for the Lord to take them bodily into heaven. Here you'll find lots of information about the Second Coming, including the Rapture Index. It's kind of like the Nuclear Clock, where they look at various news in the world and determine how close to the Rapture we are.

- Brett Slocum

Friday September 11, 1998: Deadly Animations

Illuminated Site of the Week: Remember the Stick Figure Theatre of Death? Well, the torch has been picked up by the Surrey Stick Figure Theatre of Death. These sickos are very prolific (a dozen movies already posted, and another one every Tuesday), with titles like The Pet, The Check Out, The Stargazer, and the epic The Battle of Hastings!

- Suggested by Kenneth Burnside

Friday September 4, 1998: I Knew Xena Was Historical!

Illuminated Site of the Week: The folks down at the University of Tennessee, Knoxville, have a surprise for you: archaeological excavations of a centuar skeleton. The Volos site revealed a full centaur skeleton and some pottery. You may still be able to see the exhibit at the John C. Hodges Library.

Submitted by Steve Jackson

Friday August 28, 1998: We Aren't Talking About Pierced Eyebrows

Illuminated Site of the Week: Here is an personal account of investigations into Cattle Mutilations, including UFOS, black helicopters and more. Lock your barn doors!

- Submitted by Rachel McGregor Rawlings

Friday August 21, 1998: Peeps Science!

Illuminated Site of the Week: In order to discover the strengths and weaknesses of this most ubiquitous lifeform, the folks hosting this web page put Peeps, those bastions of sucrose-intensified Spring celebration, through a rigorous battery of tests. Check it out and see how these little critters held up.

Disclaimer: All Peeps in these studies were volunteers.
Warning! Some Peeps were harmed in these experiments.

- Submitted by Brent Stypczynski

Friday August 14, 1998: I Want My Warp Drive

Illuminated Site of the Week: See what NASA is up to in the area of exotic propulsion systems. This site, titled "Warp Drive When?", explains the physics behind problems of warping space and travelling faster than light.

This site is supported by the Breakthrough Propulsion Physics program, out of NASA's Lewis Research Center, which is charged "to seek the ultimate breakthroughs in space transportation:

  1. Propelling a vehicle without propellant mass,
  2. attaining the maximum transit speeds physically possible, and
  3. creating new energy production methods to power such devices."

- Brett Slocum

Friday August 7, 1998: Not Yoda Too!

Illuminated Site of the Week: The Sound Doctrine site discovered the true purpose of the Star Wars movies: recruitment propaganda for Satan!

Make sure you go up to the top level to see some of their other discoveries, such as possessed clones, the evils of Christian rock and television, and the truth behind Catholics.
- Brett Slocum

Friday July 31, 1998: We Can Clone You -- Tomorrow

Illuminated Site of the Week: Maybe Spot or Fluffy are getting a little long in the tooth? Never fear! Get a brand new puppy or kitten that is an exact duplicate! Clonaid® has a unique service to offer: they will clone you, your spouse, or your pet. Well, for legal reasons, they will start with pets. But once they get their lab built on some Caribbean island where human cloning isn't illegal, you too can be cloned for only $200,000.

This is a venture of The Raëlian Movement, a religion based on the idea that extraterrestrials (the Elohim of the Old Testament) genetically-engineered humans in the distant past.

Submitted by J. Campbell

Friday July 17, 1998: Book Publishers for the Conspiracy

Illuminated Site of the Week: Is there anything that your conspiracy needs? Well, Loompanics, Unlimited probably has a book to tell you how to get it, how to do it, how to make sure no one sees you do it, and if they do see you what to do about it. They publish and sell an enormous variety of books on such topics as fake identification, the underground economy, revenge, home weapon and bomb manufacture, torture, Anarchism, drug manufacture, lockpicking, surveillance, prison survival, and Big Brother.

Hmmm, is there anything I'm missing? Oh, yes. Reality Creation.

- Brett Slocum

Friday July 10, 1998: Fight the Illuminati/Grey Conspiracy

Illuminated Site of the Week: EagleNet: Citizens Against the New World Order - that's the title of this mega-mall of conspiracy sites. Illuminati, Area 51, Earthquake Projectors, Clinton murders, alien abductions, the Gathering of Zion, solar engineering, faces on Mars; just about any modern conspiracy you want. They also have a mailing list for the latest breaking conspiracy news. Lots of pictures, lots of content, lots of conspiracies.

"We believe that this [New World Order] agenda, which seeks the overthrow of the U.S. CONSTITUTION, the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE and the BILL OF RIGHTS is being carried out by a collaborative alien-human military force based in the Neu Schwabia region of Antarctica." - from the EagleNet web page.

- Submitted by SeanMike Whipkey

Friday July 3, 1998: Jacques de Molay, We Miss You

Illuminated Site of the Week: The Knights Templar are mentioned in almost as many conspiracies as the Illuminati. What was their relationship to the Masons? Did they worship Satan in the form of the demon Baphomet? Why was their order destroyed by Philip the Fair? Or maybe you just want to know what their nifty uniforms looked like for your next SCA persona. These questions and many more are answered at the History And Mythos Of The Knights Templar site.
- Brett Slocum

Friday June 26, 1998: A New Breed of Secret Agent

Illuminated Site of the Week: "At the close of the millenium the Supermodels of the world are at war. Forces of light and armies darkness struggle for conquest. Now you will know the story..." -from the Soldiers of Fashion web site

I bet you didn't know that Claudia Schiffer was a general in the secret, elite U.S. Army Supermodel Corps, charged with keeping America safe by neutralizing the evil Supermodels in the world. Read about the exploits of The Company, whose evil plans include world domination, cloning Supermodel DNA, and establishing an orbital nuclear platform. See the dossiers of the supermodels in The Supermodel Mafia; their mission is to utterly destroy The Company.

So, all those fashion shoots in exotic locations across the world are just fronts for clandestine operations of the most nefarious kind. I knew it!

- Submitted by Ed "Overload" Davis

Friday June 19, 1998: Gardening on the Dark Side

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you ever need to know what plants attract bats, which flowers bloom at night, how to make a blood garden, or which plants are carnivorous or poisonous, the Gothic Gardening site is for you.

This stylish and fun site has thirteen theme gardens, Ye Olde Gothick Herball, folklore, mythology, a message board and much more.

- Submitted by Ember Blackwell

Friday June 12, 1998: Way Too Much FUN

Illuminated Site of the Week: "It's always fun to use narcotics, or so I have been told. The only problem is, they can cause annoying side-effects, such as death . . ." So begins the Fictional and Useless Narcotics (FUN) page, dedicated to extolling the comparatively safe virtues of drugs that do not, in fact, exist at all. Point your local War Against Some Drugs crusaders at this page; bonus Illumination Points if your community is the first to launch a well-publicized battle against the growing threat of soma and melange.

- Submitted by Orville Eastland.

Friday June 5, 1998: The UFO Master Index

Illuminated Site of the Week: They claim to be the World's Largest UFO Website, and who are we to argue?
Their front page says: "This page is the top level of a series of link pages leading to all major UFO sites on the web. Anyone can add or modify links on most of these pages (subject to later review) . . . As a matter of grammatical style on these link pages, all claims are taken as true. (Qualifiers like "allegedly" are not used here, but they should always be assumed.)"
Good attitude; Scully would approve.
- Submitted by Brett Slocum

May 29, 1998: Diana Was Murdered, and EVERYBODY Did It!

Illuminated Site of the Week: It wasn't 20 minutes after the news broke about Diana's death that I got the first "conspiracy" comment. In time, Di may rival JFK as the most-speculated-about celebrity death. The "Poison Frog" The Conspiracy to Kill Princess Diana site follows this thread in at least 850 of the thousand possible directions . . . good graphics, too!
-- Steve Jackson

May 22, 1998: The Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence at Home

Illuminated Site of the Week: This just begs for a comment like "Ahh, they've met my roommate's girlfriend!" or even "Yeah, starting with that moldy cheese in the back of the refrigerator." But they're serious. As their site says:

SETI@home is a grand experiment to harness the spare power of hundreds of thousands of Internet-connected computers in the Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence (SETI.)

Basically, when you're not using your system, you turn on the SETI@home screensaver, and it connects to THEIR system and picks up part of the data-analysis load. Yes, this kind of distributed computation can work, and if you stack up enough little PCs and Macs, they can outperform any mainframe . . .

- Suggested by Jayson Howell

May 15, 1998: Masonic Luciferian Spiritism

Illuminated Site of the Week: As S.John Ross said when alerting us to this site, "I've seen plenty of paranoia pages, but this one has character."

Check out the AMERICA'S SUBVERSION: The Enemy Within web page, if you dare . . .

-- Scott Haring

May 8, 1998: Short People from Space!

Illuminated Site of the Week: Their descendants live in China even today. And they've been here for thousands of years, since their spacefleet self-destructed. But Modern Science Cannot Be Denied, and now we're piecing together the evidence. Read about it on the Stone Disk site.

- Suggested by Dana Blankenship

May 1, 1998: Hey, Kids! Try On This Nifty Cloak and Dagger!

Illuminated Site of the Week: No doubt this is one of the signs of the coming Apocalypse. The CIA now has a web page for kids. Read all about the CIA's purpose, the Intelligence Cycle, and of course the strong control that the President and Congress have over our intelligence community . . . all in the Beltway's concept of kidspeak.

April 24, 1998: The Internet Oracle

Illuminated Site of the Week: The Oracle knows everything. Absolutely everything. And if you ask nicely (don't forget to grovel) maybe it will TELL you. Or, if you're feeling Illuminated, you can incarnate yourself as the Oracle and share your wisdom with some poor clueless questioner.
-- Steve Jackson

April 17, 1998: Book-A-Minute

Illuminated Site of the Week: Ever wanted to sit down and get caught up on those great fantasy and SF classics, but just don't have the time to wade through trilogy after trilogy, not to mention the seemingly never-ending sequels after the trilogy? Well, never fear, the Book-A-Minute web page has solved your problem.

- Suggested by Scott Haring

April 10, 1998: Professor Wacko's Exothermal Exuberance!

Illuminated Site of the Week: Who needs to get bomb-making instructions off the Internet when you can blow up your house with Professor Wacko?

- Suggested by Stefan Jones

April 3, 1998: Extreme Hobbies

Illuminated Site of the Week: If you like to blow things up real good, or jump off the WRONG things, or do any of the other things that you're not supposed to try at home . . . or if you just want to see a lot of pictures of people who have done this stuff and lived . . . then the Extreme Hobbies page is for you. It is a collection of links to . . . to all kinds of things. Some of them are even legal.

- Suggested by Liz Lindsay

March 27, 1998: The Incident

Illuminated Site of the Week: You've heard the story over and over. Fellow finds a mysterious book; when he reads it, he's terrified; before he can finish studying it, his home is broken into and the book is taken. Happens all the time, right? But the creator of the website called The Incident just happened to scan some of the pages first, and here they are on the Web. If you recognize the people in the photographs, write and tell him; he seems to like mail.

-- Suggested by Sunflower

March 20, 1998: Harleys of the Gods

Illuminated Site of the Week: An Illuminated motorcycle club (very Discordian, it appears), with some beautiful art on their pages! Visit the online turf of the Bavarian Illuminated Motorcycle Cabal. Are they real? Come on. Is ANYTHING real?

-- Suggested by Drakken

March 13, 1998: But Seriously, Folks . . .

Illuminated Site of the Week: We get a lot of requests for "true" information about the "real" Illuminati. And we laugh madly, because our part of the Conspiracy has nothing to do with straight answers. So if you want a digest of data about the historical Illuminati, IGNORE THIS PAGE FNORD and visit the Bavarian Illluminati FAQ of A-albionic Research. This is not even a regular web page (maybe if we asked nicely we could get permission to duplicate it here . . . ?) Read it anyway.

-- Steve Jackson

March 6, 1998: The First Church of Shatnerology

Illuminated Site of the Week: Hallelujah! Praise the Toupee! Here's your chance to get in on the ground floor of a lunatic millennium cult - with a difference! Point your browser to The First Church of Shatnerology and bask in the awe and majesty of all things Shatner.

-- Number 2, Illuminated Sitekeeper. Site suggested by Jeff Hitchin.

February 27, 1998: Vast Right Wing Conspiracy

Illuminated Site of the Week: You've heard our President talk about them. Now they're out in the open! It's the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy!

In their own words: "The Right Wing Conspiracy is a loose but highly effective conglomeration of individuals, groups, corporations and groupies who want to see the United States enter into an era of Glory where government is restrained, people lead their own lives and are solely responsible for them. Where character counts and morality and ethics form the basis of personal choices. That, and we like to screw with the liberals."

This page is hard on your eyes, poorly proofread, and highly Illuminated. Do not read it while drinking a Coke unless your keyboard needed cleaning anyway.

- Submitted by Leon Stauffer

February 20, 1998: The Anagram Engine

Illuminated Site of the Week: George Herbert Walker Bush = Huge Berserk Rebel Warthog. Hmmm. See what secrets you can uncover with The Anagram Engine. A tool of the Secret Masters.

-- Number 2, Illuminated Sitekeeper

February 13, 1998: Society of Crystal Skulls

Illuminated Site of the Week: I first encountered these ancient artifacts on a TV show they aired in Britain years ago, `The Mysterious World of Arthur C. Clarke'. It has long been a point of debate how such delicate pieces could be crafted by `primitive' cultures. This of course presumes that the skulls are terrestrial in origin... View an online Crystal Skull gallery, learn about Skull myth and legend, and join in on the debate. All at the Society of Crystal Skulls.

--Number 2, Illuminated Sitekeeper.

February 6, 1998: The Museum of Non-Primate Art

Illuminated Site of the Week: Dedicated mostly to art done by cats, the MONPA is the source for all sorts of cat-painting information and supplies. Be sure to check out the online store where you can buy the book that started it all "Why Cats Paint" and the set of flash cards that you can use to determine your cat's CreativityQuotient (CQ)! Amazingly, though, there is no mention of the art of elephants, many of which (at least in captivity) learn to use brushes and paint with their trunks.

Suggested by Diane Epke (

January 30, 1998: The First International Virtual Conference on Mad Science

Illuminated Site of the Week: In the organizers' own words: "IVCMS provides an international forum for the presentation, discussion and extension of research into these darkly powerful pseudosciences and dangerous technologies which fall beyond the scope of conventional science and good taste.

"The purpose of the conference is to promote a general understanding of mad topics within the broader scientific community, to encourage new researchers to dabble with things best left alone, to attract commercial sponsors to the potential benefits of mad science in the business world, and to replace the old drooling maniac stereotype of the mad scientist with a new drooling maniac image which is more appropriate to the modern era."

January 23, 1998: Holy World Domination, Batman!

Illuminated Site of the Week: Yes, the world would have fallen into evil hands dozens of times if not for the Caped Crusader, and when we make OUR move, we'll have to deal with him. Visit this site for the most up-to-date info about Batman Classic.

- Submitted by Max Minkoff (
-- Steve Jackson

January 16, 1998: Backwards!

Illuminated Site of the Week: So when you play a record backwards, you hear the Devil. And when you look at a web page backwards, you get . . . Never mind. There are people in Oklahoma who would get very worried if we kept going. This site has nothing to do with That Guy Down Below. As far as we know, that is. It just loads URLs backwards, pictures and all!

- Submitted by Jayson Howell (
-- Steve Jackson

January 9, 1998: Monty Python Online

Illuminated Site of the Week: (Cue theme music) It's the Monty Python scheme to take over the world, you festering gob of hamster vomit! (Okay, well, no offense meant.)

- Submitted by Seth Cohen (

January 2, 1998: Cubic Truth Is Ineffable

Illuminated Site of the Week: NATURE'S HARMONIC SIMULTANEOUS 4-DAY TIME CUBE! You just thought the day had 24 hours. Now we all know better. Gene Ray, Cubic, says "I will give $1,000.00 to any person who can disprove 4 days in each earth rotation."

- Submitted by Stefan Jones

December 26, 1997: The Darwin Awards

Illuminated Site of the Week: The Darwin Awards are given, usually posthumously, to the individual(s) who remove themselves from the gene pool in the most spectacular fashion. You will be amazed at the stories they have collected. Don't try ANY of these at home.

- Site suggested by Shig the Unmentionable (

December 19, 1997: Slimy, Yet Satisfying!

Illuminated Site of the Week: Bugs outnumber all other forms of animal life on the planet. Stomping them is noisy and exhausting, and poisons have a tendency to get out of hand. So what'll we do? Well, the creative folks at Iowa State University have come up with a number of Tasty Insect Recipes. Get in the spirit of the season with Banana Worm Bread and Chocolate Chirpie Chip Cookies!

(Site suggested by John Karakash)

December 12, 1997: Duct Tape

Illuminated Site of the Week: Why is duct tape like the Force? Because it has a bright side, and a dark side, and it holds the Universe together. The Duct Tape Page will answer all your questions about the use, care, and feeding of the world's most powerful tool, unless you want to know about gerbils.

- Submitted by Shig the Unmentionable

December 5, 1997: Anders' Transhuman Page

Illuminated Site of the Week: Will science make it possible for us to take control of our own evolution, individually or as a race? What's the next step beyond humanity? This page is a collection of resources about transhumanism.

- Submitted by C.D. Skogsberg (
-- Steve Jackson

November 28, 1997: The History of the Universe in 200 Words or Less

Illuminated Site of the Week: This amazing distillation of everything you really need to know first appeared in the January/Febuary 1997 issue of the Annals of Improbable Research. Since then, it has been translated into almost twenty languages, and researchers all over the world are working on further translations. If you can help translating it into a further language, please consider joining this noble effort!

-- Steve Jackson

November 21, 1997: Tales of the Illuminati

Illuminated Site of the Week: He knows too much and he must be silenced. So before we get to him, visit "The Claw"'s Tales of the Illuminati page.
-- Steve Jackson

November 14, 1997: The Amish Homepage

Illuminated Site of the Week: Do the Amish know something we don't? Clues can be found at the Amish Homepage. Read about the PooPets ('handmade, self-fertilizing 100% cow manure plant sculptures'), The Amish Experience Theater and all you ever wanted to know about Amish Buggy Safety.

November 7, 1997: CTKA

Illuminated Site of the Week: Citizens for Truth about the Kennedy Assassination is a self proclaimed political action group lobbying for full disclosure of all records relating to the assassination of JFK. Conspiracy Theorists, Paranoids or Responsible Citizens concerned about democratic integrity? Tapes, transcripts, videos, links etc. What do you believe - Oswald as the crazed lone assassin, or spooky goings-on atop the Grassy Knoll? See how you can help in the search for the truth.

--Number 2, Illuminated Sitekeeper

October 31, 1997: Halloween is Eeeeeevil!

Illuminated Site of the Week: Halloween is now the second most popular holiday in the US, right behind Christmas. And, as we learn from South Park, the true meaning of Halloween is costumes and candy. Or is it? Could there be a Sinister Force behind it all? Of course there could. Read the rant at this site.

-- Steve Jackson

October 24, 1997: RAW's Black-Ops

Illuminated Site of the Week: Robert Anton Wilson, I'm sure, needs no introduction. Out soon at your local bookstore is the culmination of a lifetime's study on his part: 'Everything is under Control: Conspiracies, Cults and Cover-Ups - Real, Unreal and Surreal'. No need to wait however, since online you can find more than just a flavour at his Black-Ops page. Working with Miriam Joan Hill, All Is Revealed.

--Number 2, Illuminated Sitekeeper.

October 17, 1997: 5/5/2000

Illuminated Site of the Week: On or around 5/5/2000 there will be global choas. You knew that, right? Richard Noone definitely wants you to know. You see, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, not to mention the Sun and Moon will all 'line up' on one side of the Earth to produce 'major stress on Planet Earth'. All hell will break loose: earthquakes, polar ice cap movement, tidal waves, East and West Coast USA under water - lordy. What can we do? Well, buy Rick's book of 'Basic Preparedness', that's what. It's amazing what you can do with a sheet of tarp and some plastic on your windows in situations like this. Just for the record, I'm one of those those rash dissenters who doubts that Earth will be pulled apart by tidal forces raised by the other planets. But then again, what the hell do I know?

--Number 2, Illuminated Sitekeeper (site submitted by Grog).

October 10, 1997: The Cow Liberation Front

Illuminated Site of the Week: It doesn't take a Justified Ancient of Mu-Mu, or rather, Moo-Moo, to suspect the true mission of the The Cow Liberation Front. Did I hear someone say 'Illuminated Cowspiracy'? Surely not.

-- Number 2, Illuminated Sitekeeper

October 3, 1997: The Death Clock

Illuminated Site of the Week: Well, I always knew I was going to die. Eventually. We all do, well, most of us, anyway. It's just that now I know exactly when it will happen. Friday, 26th June, 2020. I don't know the circumstances. Maybe peacefully in my sleep; maybe violently, screaming as I tumble into the abyss. The Secret Masters were happy to let me worry about that, once they had revealed the date. It's a curse, believe me. You wouldn't want to know your death date. So just stay away from The Death Clock. You'll be glad you did.

-- Number 2, Illuminated Sitekeeper (site submitted by Grog ).

September 26, 1997: The Arc-Hive

Illuminated Site of the Week: The Arc-Hive: bizarro chronicles of this freak-show we call the human race. The Japanese crucify Santa Claus. Texas honors the Boston Strangler. Secret societies. Invasions of privacy. You know something, maybe the Heaven's Gaters had something. Screw this culture. When's Hale-Bopp coming around again?

-- Number 2, Illuminated Sitekeeper

September 19, 1997: The Alchemy Web Site

Illuminated Site of the Week: The Philosopher's Stone, the Elixir of Life, the Medicine of Metals, True Wisdom... from imagery and symbolism to historical texts to guidelines for present day practice of the ancient art, The Alchemy Web Site has it all. Questions agonized over by the greatest minds since the dawn of human civilization. Now it's your turn. Just don't get any on you.

-- Number 2, Illuminated Sitekeeper.

September 12, 1997: The Skeleton Closet

Illuminated Site of the Week: Hey, we all know that behind the schmaltz and the baby-kissing there's a seedier side to the boys and girls on Capitol Hill. That's true of all of us, right? It's just that during election time so many smoke screens are set up that you'd have an easier time getting to the truth in the transcripts of the OJ trial. We're digging in for a two-year Odyssey to the White House: The Skeleton Closet is one for the bookmark file folks. Watch for this site to sizzle as our players skip, stumble and fall down the Yellow Brick Road.

-- Number 2, Illuminated Sitekeeper

September 6, 1997: The Lucidity Institute

Illuminated Site of the Week: Tired of your dead-end job? Had enough of sitting alone in your underwear at 3 am staring at the 1-800 ads? Or maybe you're just sick of the endless Wings reruns on TV. Well, the folks at the Lucidity Institute would like you to know that you have God-like power to change the world. Learn to control your dreams and you can be the baron of industry, you can have Jenny McCarthy/Brad Pitt covered in marinara sauce, hey - you can even be the high-powered TV exec who finally puts this country out of its misery. And for only $175... Bunko artists or Illuminated Ones spreading happiness and contentment to the uninitiated? You make the call.

-- Number 2, Illuminated Sitekeeper

August 29, 1997: Rosemary West's Left-Handed Page

Illuminated Site of the Week: Thanks to everyone who applied to be our new Illuminated SiteKeeper. We've chosen Keith Grogan to take the reins, and here's his first pick for Illuminated Site of the Week.

You know back in medieval times the Witchsmeller Pursuivant had it pretty easy convincing the locals that Mrs. Dimkins down the street dabbled in the Black Arts. Hey, she talks to her horse, she has a mole on her chin and the coup-de-grace: she's left-handed! BURN HER! Nowadays the state of affairs is a little better, but my leftie friends still tell me about the subliminals people try to pass them suggesting that they're just, well, not quite right. Fear not. You have a champion in Rosemary West, who has gathered together a veritable multitude of information dedicated to the Left Hand Path.

-- Number 2

August 22, 1997: Blenderphone

Illuminated Site of the Week: We told you about this last year, before we set up the Illuminated Site of the Week. Well, now we're telling you again, because this is, ahem, *special* enough to deserve a repeat mention, and the semi-coveted IllSotW medallion. Ladies and gentlemen, we give you . . . the Blenderphone.

-- SJ

August 15, 1997: 23 Skidoo

Illuminated Site of the Week: Just what IS it with the Illuminati and the number 23, anyway? Well we're not allowed to say, but this page might give you a few clues...

-- Kira

August 8, 1997: The Skeptic's Dictionary

Illuminated Site of the Week: Looking for the real truth about the world? The Skeptic's Dictionary has it all - skeptical definitions, essays and references on everything from aliens to zombies. Of course, the truth about the Illuminati has been suppressed. Fnord.

-- Kira

August 1, 1997: The Bureau of Missing Socks

Illuminated Site of the Week: Where did that other sock go? Stolen by aliens? Eaten by a vicious jogging bra? Crawled off into the depths of your garage to breed? The Bureau of Missing Socks is doing its best to find out. Read about their noble efforts . . .

-- SJ

July 25, 1997: Stupid Jesus Tricks

Illuminated Site of the Week: A collection of links to some Godawful things done in the name of religion. Be sure not to miss "Hello or Heaven-o."

-- SJ

(Submitted by Karin Kross)

July 18, 1997: The TRUTH About Role-Playing Games

Illuminated Site of the Week: "Is Your Child a Role-Player?" demands Niilo Paasivirta, author of The Game of Satan. An in-depth study of how RPGs can lead to Satan-worship, drug use, and "vile, sodomic sex acts," this page describes how young players ("especially virgins!") are duped by evil Dungeon Masters into becoming obedient slaves of the forces of evil. (I already feel like I've missed out on something...) Mr. Paasivirta's many readers expend a great deal of energy in debating whether or not he's kidding. -- Shig the Unmentionable

(Submitted by Scott Slemmons)

July 11, 1997: Men In Black

Illuminated Site of the Week: Close partners of the Illuminati are the Men In Black, members of a secret organization that covers up conspiracies, silences those who know too much, and protects the world from things it isn't ready for. Now Hollywood has gone and made a movie about them, and of course, anyone truly Illuminated has already seen the movie at least twice. And if you haven't... go now. Before the MIB's come after you.

-- Kira

July 4, 1997: The Cornerstone of American Independence

Illuminated Site of the Week: As every INWO and Classic Illuminati player knows, the single most aggravating card to appear in anyone's deck is the IRS. In every game of Classic Ive ever seen, adding the IRS to ones hierarchy meant an immediate death sentence; it was simply too annoying to be allowed to live. What many suspect but few realize is that that's the entire purpose of the IRS; sure, we can use the money, but it's much more important that people have something on which to focus their petty anxieties and leave us free to Get Things Done...

-- Shig the Unmentionable

June 27, 1997: The Letterboxing Conspiracy

Illuminated Site of the Week: Subtitled "Letterboxing: Vile Censorship of Movies on Tv and Video," this site exposes the conspiracy of "film makers, film critics, and their followers" to prevent you (yes, you) from enjoying movies on TV by blocking parts of the screen with black bars. Don't give in and accept this treatment! Fight for your right to watch cropped-down versions of big-screen hits! Join the anonymous author of this site in his/her crusade for cinematic integrity!

(Submitted by "D. Riff Millar")

-- Shig the Unmentionable

June 20, 1997: The Cydonia Files

Illuminated Site of the Week: When Richard C. Hoagland looked at Mars, he believed he saw a humanoid face looking back at him. Based on this compelling evidence, this respected scientist took a flying leap to the conclusion that the rock-and-shadow formation not only was constructed by intelligent beings, but also proves beyond all doubt that Creationism, not evolution, is the correct model. All we can say is, it's a good thing he didn't notice the gift shop and mini-golf course next to the giant face...

-- Shig the Unmentionable

June 13, 1997: Timothy Leary

Illuminated Site of the Week: Saint or subversive? Messiah or madman? White wine, or red? Everyone who's heard of Timothy Leary has a different opinion about him; the truth, of course, is known only to us. All we can say, however, is that we categorically deny any and all involvement in his life and alleged death.

-- Shig the Unmentionable

June 6, 1997: Committee for Scientific Investigation of Claims to the Paranormal

Illuminated Site of the Week: CSICOP is one of our most surprising successes to date. Who would have thought that all it would take to discredit the possibility of "paranormal" abilities would be to replicate their effects using physical trickery? Telepathy and psychokinesis are complicated concepts, and the normals will take the simplest world view every time. Which is fine with us; the fewer unregistered telepaths we have to deal with, the better.

-- Shig the Unmentionable

May 30, 1997: Kooks Museum

Illuminated Site of the Week: Attention All Operatives, Black Suit Division: Be on the lookout for one Donna J. Kossy, founder and curator of the so-called Kooks Museum. The material displayed therein could not possibly have come from any other source than our own Facility 23. Her cavalier, dismissive attitude toward the ideas put forth by these so-called "kooks" is a mocking slap in our Illuminated face; clearly she intends to blackmail us by trotting the truth out in full view. Standard removal protocols apply.

-- Shig the Unmentionable

May 23, 1997: Dial-The-Truth Ministries

Illuminated Site of the Week: Every so often a portion of the Radical Christian Fringe starts frothing at the mouth about rock music and evolution theory. Naturally, they're closer to the truth than even they realize; it wouldn't do for our wicked plans to be revealed by someone who might actually be taken seriously. Grab your Bible (but don't read it! They hate that) and jump over to Dial-the-Truth Ministries, where you'll learn the truth behind the Clinton health care plan and the fiendish plot of Jimmy Buffett.

-- Shig the Unmentionable

May 16, 1997: Ring of Fnords

Illuminated Site of the Week: So you think you Get It, do you? And you're trying to prove it by throwing together a web page with a few pithy non-sequiturs, some quotes from the Principia Discordia, and yet another retouch of the ray-traced Sacred Chao? Well, that's just great. Come register your site on the Ring of Fnords, the Discordian Webring, so that we can better keep an all-seeing Eye on you and determine how much of a threat you pose. Compliance is mandatory.

-- Shig the Unmentionable

May 9, 1997: HyperDiscordia

Illuminated Site of the Week: No catalogue of Web weirdness could possibly begin with any other site than HyperDiscordia. Like Saturday Night Live, HyperDiscordia has been around long enough to be considered an institution. But unlike that albatross around Lorne Michaels's neck, HyperDiscordia is still relevant and funny, and knows when to end a sketch. It's easily the best introduction to Discordianism this side of a steel spike in the ear.

-- Shig the Unmentionable

Feb. '97: Mind Reading Markup Language

Illuminated Site of the Week: An indispensable tool for any Illuminated webmaster. MRML allows you to embed thought control tags into your web pages. <FORGET> Zaphod Beeblebrox takes your most influential sex toy and is joined by Hell. </FORGET> Fnord.

Steve Jackson Games
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